I think my girlfriend is taking the mick

[GTI]

I don't have kids but I came on this site specifically for womens point of view and i knew some of you will be in similar situation to her.

I'm 27 and as I said I have no kids, I live with my parents simply because I cannot afford to move out yet. My girlfriend has two kids and lives in a council house, she doesnt understand why I still live with my parents but forgets I would not be given a house as easily as she was.

Anyway I visit her on weekends, it costs me a fortune to do this as I have to come on train as my car is off the road, I had an old car which was my hobby more than my car but again she didn't understand this, thought it was stupid to own a car that "broke" so much so I ended up getting rid of it to please her. Now she gets pissed off because I go down on train so cannot take her out due to having no car, she tells me I should buy a "normal" car but I begrudge being told what to buy, I don't like "Normal" cars and would rather save up and buy something I like.

She also moans because I "never have any money", she wants me to take her out but after paying train fares I simply cannot afford to but I do try, every now and again I will take money specifically to take her out but she begrudges every little thing I buy myself. If I step a foot wrong in her house like leave clothes on the floor she will remind me that she's not my mother yet nags at me and tells me what to spend my money on as if she IS my mother.

When I am there we don't exactly have a ball, she lets her kids climb on me, they're constantly screaming and screeching, singing and shouting and she knows it does my head in but she wont tell them to stop it, she just says "thats kids" but no other kid I know acts like that. Her eldest is 7 and he is constantly trying to hug me which again gets on my nerves but she wont tell him off, she gets all defensive if ever I say anything to him or about him.

We no longer have sex, she always makes excuses like she's tired, has headache, she's constantly "That time of the month", she doesnt even kiss me. Constantly says that Im childish and laughs at me, has broken up with me twice yet won't say no when I offer to buy her anything or take her out.

So is she using me for company like I suspect she is? I don't want to finish and I know we would be ok but she wont discuss moving in together yet moans that we're "stuck" in limbo with no progression on our relationship. I feel I can't do right for wrong.

[divastrop]

erm...you dont like her,you dont like her children(if you dont like kids then why get involved with somebody who has them?),the relationship isnt going anywhere...so finish it,and find somebody you have more in common with.

[Doodledootoo]

Message withdrawn

[Listmaker]

Why are you even bothering - you don't even sound like you like each other. Surely life's just too short?!

[edam]

Doesn't sound like you are actually enjoying this relationship very much, tbh. I think some of the stuff with the kids is about you not being a parent and not understanding the way things are with them. And it would really piss me off if I had a boyf who left his clothes on the floor, very rude - you have to be a grown up and not a little boy with a mother running round after you.

Sounds very sad that her little boy wants to give you a hug and you don't like it, though. Poor kid.

But the no sex, no kissing thing is a huge sign of a relationship in crisis, IMO.

[Tigana]

seriously?
You drive her mad, she drives you mad,
you resent her, she resents you...FFS man, make the break.

[bubblagirl]

i think maybe you are using her for company too her children are not acting any different to any other child so why should they be punished and why should her son be punished for trying to hug you if your not happy with the whole situation why are you with her?

i can understand the whole im not your mum comment pick your things up maybe you are just used to having your mum dom everything for you and if you get to hers and constantly moan about having to pay train fare i can understand her comment on buying a normal car it seems your unhappy and its making her unhappy as your not excepting the children they do run around scream make noise sing and climb on you if your with there mum you should be embracing the fact they have taken to you i think personally you should not be with her over everything else you obviously dont like the kids being there as you said they do your head in if a man walked into my life and wanted me to discipline my kids fior having fun and being a child i would realise he's not mature enough to take on such responsibility and kick hiss ass out the door

cut off contact if you feel used dont do it break up and stop going back your both unhappy and you dont want the kids and she has 2 let her meet a man that will accept her family and find someone closer to home you are clearly not meant to be you should understand above any man children come first and no girl likes to have sex if there not happy and she and you are both clearly not happy move on

[Tigana]

Agree edam....really sad when children stuck in the middle of all this.

[Jackstini]

Finish it - neither of you are getting anything out of this relationship except hassle. Sounds like you do not understand the first thing about each others' lives.
Oh - and not once do you mention the word 'love' on either side.
Nuff said.

[bristols]

Agree with the others. Why don't you want to finish it? It doesn't sound as though either of you are getting anything out of the relationship. The whole point of any relationship is that it's mutually beneficial.

[flowerybeanbag]

am confused why you are still with this woman. Sounds like both of you are unhappy with the relationship and it sounds terminal to me. Don't prolong this situation, not fair on the children or yourselves.

[GTI]

I do like her kids and I love her but the 7 year old acts like a toddler, even when Ive seen him at school he doesnt act like the others, she said he has dyspraxia and she said her youngest has adhd but it just seems like she makes excuses for everything they do. They get away with so much, they're cheeky, rude, they fight each other constantly, I bought them a cricket set and took them to the park and tried to teach them how to play and they just kept messing about, its a waste of time.

I dont mind paying the train fare but I do resent being told that I cant spend any of my wages on myself. The only time i leave clothes on the floor is at my side of the bed because I take my bag and it stays there at the side of the bed with my clothes in so when they're dirty i put them on the floor before putting everything back in my bag again. This is another thing she moans about, she goes off on one saying I should fold my clothes up and not just shove them in the bag for my mum, im sick of her constantly trying to interfere and tell me what to do.

When her kids are at there dads shes a different person, shes fun and like a 26 year old should be and we do get on then but I feel she tries to be too mature for her age and she just sees it as me being too immature for my age.

[flowerybeanbag]

bottom line is, do you actually think there is a future? Do you realistically think there is a chance you will be settling down with this woman forever?
If not, surely the responsible thing is to end the relationship, especially where there are children involved, even if you do still love her.

[Carmenere]

I think she uses this site doesn't she?

[zippit]

I think this is a relationship going nowhere at any level

[nomdeplume]

Woah. Woah. Woah.

If her children have been given dx of Dyspraxia and ADHD, then accusing her of 'making' excuses for her children and their behavious is bang out of order on your part.

You are 27, not some kid. Act like it.


As for what you have told us about your relationship, it sounds like it is going nowhere. I think you woud both be happier with other people.

[fawkeoff]

many parents have to be more mature for their age.im only 22 but have moved out of my mums when i was 16...i had dd whem iwas 18 and ds when i was 20, i've had to grow up brcause i have 2 little ppl that look up to me and i am a role model for them....u might realise this when u have children of ur own

[EscapeFrom]

If you don't like her kids, stop seeing her. You will always be second best to her kids, that's life. Find a girlfriend with no kids if you don't want your life to be rules by what kids want and need.

Finish it. She's just not that into you.

[GTI]

I do want to be with her forever, I want children with her and I have told her this.

[nomdeplume]

'she's fun and like a 26yo should be'


She's a parent, mate. A parent to children with difficulties/disabilities. She can't arse about when her kids are with her. 'Trying to be too mature' is a ridiculous statement.

I am inclined to agree with her when she says you are immature.

I am sure she is not perfect either but come on. You MUST see that a lot of your later posts read as though they were written by a petulant child ?

[EscapeFrom]

SHE HAS DISABLED CHILDREN?!!!

SHE CANNOT JUST DROP THEM FOR YOU, AND SHE WON'T, AND NEITHER SHOULD SHE.

GET OVER IT, YOU SELFISH LITTLE BOY.

SHE IS NOT YOUR MOTHER, SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR MOTHER DOES, NOBODY EVER WILL.

[zippit]

but you can't wipe out her children...you really don't sound like you can speak to each other to solve your problems

if you can talk to each other then do it

[Carmenere]

Do you have an Xbox? Are you supposed to be going on holiday together?

[harman]

Message withdrawn

[nomdeplume]

GTI, you are giving her mixed messages. On the one hand it sounds like you are pushing her children away and on the other you are telling her that you want to have children with her.

I know step-parenting can be hard, I'm one and sometimes it's really bloody tough, but there comes a time when you have to either a) walk away or b) take it all on, the good days and the bad.

[bubblagirl]

still to me it sounds like your not suited in defence if a man came along and moaned about my kids naughty or not i would defend them to i think its natural for a mum to that as you probably by the sound of it always have something to moan about with them so whan there not there maybe its you who is the different prerson and she feels more relaxed she does seem to have a bit of controlling and moaning also but if this makes you unhappy you seriously do need to consider wether you should be together men do seem to think they do no wrong i'm sorry to say but take alook at how many times you have made complaints about kids let her deal with her kids as she pleases and support her

and as for the cricket there kids i always remember just messing around you must have memories of messing around as a kid too when someone was trying to teach you something cant you just let your self go a bit and mess around too kids are not a hinderence there her life and if you want to be in you need to make a bit more of an effort and take a look at what there good at and if you think she is making exscuses for there conditions look it up on google and educate your self and maybe then you could start supporting her instead of making it worse

she is dealing with alot if her kids are suffering from this please educate yourself on there condition and stop moaning at her about them but also she needs to make some changes also but she is clearly under alot of pressure if it wasnt there she might be able to loosen up a little