Is DF happy or not?

[julezboo]

I can't figure him out I really can't!

Tuesday night we went to a friends for a few drinks and food, we took the DC's so he drove. Which I think is fair because after 9 months of me not drinking and driving us everywhere, its his turn!

Anway we got home around half 11pm. Went to bed, he joins me and starts asking loads of questions. I answered them all honestly. Why did I love him?, Why am I so tried all the time etc... just things that play on his mind.

Then it comes round to sex, Why dont I feel like having sex anymore nowadays, I told him its because I have 2 young children to look after, Im quite often in bed come 10pm, he goes on PC to check his emails and stuff and I do try and wait up for him, but its often gone midnight, so when he does finally get into bed, Im shattered so I turn over and fall asleep. He said he understood this and to be fair last ngiht we was both cuddled up in bed by 10pm. It was nice.

Anyway Tuesday we was up until 5am talking. I said I felt rejected by him because everytime i went to touch him or hug him he jumped and acted quite shocked, he didnt even know he was doing it. Said my kisses dont really do anything for him anymore

There was lots of tears, talking, arguing, blaming, we eventually made up. Despite being tired it felt good that we got alot of things off our chest.

The one main thing he is worrying about is how people meet someone and can fall in love with them. He keeps saying "but what if you do, or I do, I couldn't bare to lose you".

He seems so insecure, I barely go out of the house, hes at work all day but we have emails going back and forth. When I do go out its to meet up with my girlie friends in softplay or the park or something similar, I havnt had a night out in god knows how long.

He just seems so unhappy, he says he loves me, hes so much in love with me and I am amazing and beautiful Cept He's still not happy.

I feel like I can't win either way, like nothing pleases him.

He had a rough upbringing so I think part of it is down to that. He asked me to marry him a few weeks ago, I asked him on tues night did he mean to or was he feeling pressured into asking. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I just dont know what to do, we was just emailing about tomorrow night, Im supposed to be going out with the girls for the first time in ages, he was gonna go over to our friends with the kids, old kids play, babies in the cot together sleeping and him and his 2 friends where gonna have a boys night in. Now he tells me hes not going, which probably means tht I wont go, so I dont feel like a goosberry. He says everyone will be drinking and he wont. So he'll be bored.

When I was pregnant we used to go to regular poker nights, I didnt hardly know anyone cos Id not long moved down, but I still went, made awkward chat, stayed sober and drove him home.

After reading this it seems like its all one way in our relationship. He just snapped at me because I said Id rahter him be there cos I dont want to go on my own.

I am at a loss, I dont want us to end, I love him very much. Hes a great father to our babyds and my ds from a previous relationship, we just bought a house together. Things seem to be on the up, yet hes always dragging us down

[julezboo]

I dont think hes happy, to be honest i think he would walk if he had the balls to Thats how I feel anyway

[char861]

Hey julezboo. Kinda sounds what was happening to me last year, well with the computer thing anyway. I would go up to bed shattered at about 10pm as I was very ill after appendix busrting so I remember trying to hang on and wait for dp to get off the comp but I ended up just going to sleep resulting in no hugs no kissing no sex etc..
I hate to say it but my dp said the same just checking his e mails but he was actually chatting to girl, nude photos etc, i only found out coz i went to check my e mail one day and he had forgotten to close down his secret e mail that he used to talk to them. It was tough working things out but we did it and so can you. I think you just get in a rut sometimes. also he acted strange like that too like asking if i have been flirting etc but it was really to cover his guilt.

[fawkeoff]

have u thought about going to relate or whatever its called, might do u both good to sit down with a 3rd party and slug it out

[hurtwife]

I wondered if he was hiding his guilt too - been in a similar situation too H had a long affair and he would say similar things. Also used to make me feel guilty about going out especially if he wasnt drinking. We los touch with a lot of people.

All i can say is be true to yourself - you know you have done nothing wrong - if you believe he wants to marry him and you really do love him then why not say yes. If he cocks it up then its up to him - let him have the guilt not you.

How about suggesting a taxi to get you back from this night out at least you would be together. Do you think he perhaps wants the house to himself though. Just a wicked thought but how about getting someone to have the kids and then 'surprise' him by coming home early - you do have a lot to talk about - then you could judge his reaction to you coming back and whether he was up to something.

[julezboo]

thanks all

I realyl dont think hes the type to cheat on me. He does really love me. I think hes depressed. Im almost there persuading him to go see our gp when hes off next week.


Ju

[stillcryinginside]

If there was 1 man in this world that I thought would never betray me it was dh but he did I recently found out that my GF cheated on my GM during their marriage too, I was gobsmaked and gutted. No one is perfect.

There is definately something wrong and if he's depressed he needs to see his gp asap. There seems to be a lot of talking that needs to be done between you both.

My concern would be that he says your kisses do nothing for him anymore ?

Does he really need to check his emails at that time of night ? surely 20 - 30 minutes earlier in the evening would be sufficient to do what needs to be done then you could both have an early night and cuddle, kiss etc.

I think theres definately more going on here than meets the eye and you need to get to the bottom of it for all your sakes.