I feel like a complete waste of space starting another thread like this so soon after my recent one and all the kind advice you all gave me there but I really don't know what to do! DP is causing me problems (again) and I could really do with some advice for helping to sort him out (again), if you think he needs it! Really don't want you to think I'm being a pain in the arse IYSWIM. We don't normally have this many problems but what with everything we have bearing down on us things are getting hard.
Basically the story now is we are looking for flats to let in London. There is one area where we can easily afford a two bedroom flat and be able to save up our money to pay off debts, and just be able to afford to live really. This was fine with DP untill yesterday. However, then he saw an advert for a flat for a reasonable price in a 'nice area' right near where his best friend lives. Now he is insisting we have to move there. He is ruling everywhere else out.
I had this problem last year when we first moved up here. He point blank refused to live in one area. It took several weeks until he realised that we were narrowing our options too much and weren't going to find anywhere unless we widened our search. Same day I found this flat, signed contract a couple of days later, managed to move in about a week before my new job started.
He is now doing the same again. He says (now) he dosen't want to live in this area as it is where he works (he's a policeman). That would be fair enough. But he is now ruling out every other area that isn't this one. Because either a) it isn't a 'nice' area b)he would have to get a bus to work (which is how he gets to work now) c) it is on a trainline not a tube line d) He wants to be near his best friend (for babysitting?) - we would be 20 minutes away (from the flat I'll tell you about in a minute). He keeps coming up with more.
It is really stressing me out. He wants to spend more money than I think we can afford to live in an area where transport costs are going to be higher, no where near a supermarket (we don't drive), near no-one I know and will take me double the time it does to get to work now. I'm still not saying I won't live there but the fact that he is ruling EVERYWHERE else out is narrowing all our options when we don't have the time to spare. I just want to know that we have a home to move into by the middle of next month. My baby is due in 9 weeks, and we stand to loose our deposit if no tenants move in here, so things are REALLY stressful.
There is a flat advertised for occupation mid october, not in the original place he said he didn't want to live, two minutes from the train station and the shopping centre, two bedrooms, ground floor garden flat. I'm thinking along the lines of, ease for shopping, ground floor easy for pram, garden would be nice for baby, near train station. To me it sounds perfect. I have told him I'll ring and see if we can view it, but he has told me that there is no point as he dosen't want to live there.
What I would like is some help to try and make him see from my point of view. I've tried to point out that we just need somewhere, that it is stupid to be forking out so much money with the baby, that he was wrong about where to live last time, that I need to be near to civilisation etc. I just don't know what else to say to him. Or do you think I'm wrong and that I should aspire to live in a 'better' area? He thinks I need some 'ambition' of where I live. I feel like banging my head against a wall, I think he is being selfish, he thinks I am determined to live in a sh*t hole. Help!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can someone sort us out somehow please!!
Flossam · 19/09/2004 13:16
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