The next stage of my life WILL be better...

[Dumbledior]

New thread for me to moan...

[lou33]

a more positive title as well!

[Dumbledior]

Yes, that's what I thought

Hope you enjoyed HP? Mum and I are goinmg next week I hope. Hope you are feeling brighter too?

[teafortwoandtwofortea]

I like your title! And love your new name

I haven't thought of anything creative yet...

Hope the title inspires you every time you log on

[Dumbledior]

Thank you . It really does feel like things have to get better

[lou33]

yes i did, but i got a parking ticket

no not really but thanks for asking x

[JARM]

Glad i found this!

Hope you are ok my lovely. Chin up xxx

[sallysparrow]

Good new title, Dior.

Is this meeting with your boss and sister next week going to be a good thing? Sounds like G might not be the best person to confide in re work things, so youre probably better off giving him a wide berth!

BTW, nice pic - you might feel big, but you have a lovely face - I feel big and to be honest its not topped bny anything worth writing home about, what with the prematurely grey hair and dodgy specs!

Ho hum

[Dumbledior]

Sally - I have no idea whether this meeting will be bad for us. I know that a lot of complaints have been received at head office, but I think they are more about my boss's recent absences than about the work that my sister and I do. I am pretty sure that both of us are secure in our jobs.

However, I feel that my boss makes business decisions without thinking rationally. He is rash and I think he made a mistake getting rid of D without trying to help her impprve first. She was good at her job, even though she did not meet all her targets. Accordingly, he might make a business decision to get rid of the business, or to try and work with just two people and get rid of me. Who knows? Will keep you posted.

Whatever happens, I love my job.

[Dumbledior]

And trust me, I will NOT be confiding in G about my work problems. I do not trust him one inch. I think I have done enough in theoffice to make my boss think I am worth keeping, even if G DID try and stab me in the back. I do think though that he actually does like me as a 'friend', so I hope he would not do anything like that. Plus, I do not have the same role as him, so am not in direct competition.

[Dumbledior]

And Sally - do not put yourself down. I'll bet you are lovely.

[lou33]

dior, take a bit of your own advice

[Dumbledior]

Sorry about MSN earlier Lou. H was next to me and kept making it clear he was looking at the screen. I didn't want you to say 'How are things with G' or something like that - not that you would.

[lou33]

its cool i understood what you were saying

spent the evening chatting to that person i was telling you about

just got offline

[mylittlestar]

Yes this next stage WILL be better!

Good title

[Tanee58]

Hi Dior,

Like the new title - it shows you're turned a corner I think .

Sorry I wasn't on for some days. My work computer broke down completely on Wednesday and I've spent the whole morning 'rebuilding' it with a nice Scottish guy on the end of the phone. He's probably ugly as heck but he sounded really cute plus I love Scots accents...

It all sounds terribly sad at your work. What is your friend going to do next? I can understand you feeling that work is a family to you, when you've so much difficulty at home and it must be hard to lose someone you felt was a real friend, when you're left with G and the 17 yo gal. Hope the meeting goes well. Quite right not to pursue ANYTHING with G - you show huge insight into why you became fixated on him. He seems to show the typical male response to anything - unable to handle the emotional side of things. After all, he's 'only a bloke' .

I do hope it's not true that most men would shag anyone if they fancied them though - surely some of them are capable of keeping faith? I have to think that, or I wouldn't be able to cope with dp going off on his summer tours. He WAS actually offered one by an actress in his company a few years ago - my hackles rose as soon as he told me over the phone that she'd been moaning about not having had sex for six months, and I thought, she's quite pretty, intelligent and available, not too many years younger than him and he's an attractive guy - I'll bet she'll make a play for him. And sure enough, she actually came on to him one dark night. But he told me he turned her down, saying that he valued us too much . Well, I chose to believe him because he was honest enough to say that he probably would have succumbed if he'd not been in a relationship. I also made a point of being VERY nice to her when we met, as my theory is that it's hard to steal a man from a woman you like!

DP's had more girlfriends than I have had hot dinners - but I'm hoping I'm the last - at any rate, I'm the only one he's really tried living with. He's been away for a week now, and seems very happy, but says he's missing me. That's fine, I'm enjoying my evenings watching old DVDs and pottering about the garden in the rain. And it's nice not worrying about the drinking...

[Dumbledior]

Yes, I can imagine it will be nice to only worry about yourself and your daughter for a few weeks. I know the alcohol worries you.

I haven't turned a corner as such, I just thought that my old thread was a very whingey one and that, if I try to seem positive, the actual feelings might follow on. I'm not too bad today. Work was fine and it seems that my sister are safe for the forseeable future. D had an interview with a company that had offered her a job at the same time that my boss offered her one. I said she should have taken it, but she said that she believed fate meant her to make two good friends out of me and my sister, which was a lovely thing to say.


H and I actually had a fairly decent weekend. Ahter ds' party, we went over to his dad's for supper and ended up playing badminton rallies in the garden for ablout an hour. It was fun and like old times really. I almost feel that maybe there IS a future for us, but I know that one good day out of three weeks is not enough to base a happy marriage on.

G was extremely busy today, so we didn't talk really. I asked him if the 'manly chat' on Friday had been for a specific reasion and he said it was just a 'Are you OK?' chat. I just said, 'Oh, OK' and walked off. Other than that, there was no interaction. My boss is going to be around a lot in the future, so I'm hoping things will get back to normal fairly quickly.

[Dumbledior]

And Tanee - the fact that your dp told you about the woman must mean that he wants to be open with you - well, that is how I would see it. Don't worry.

[Dumbledior]

Oh, and my friend asked me to be her second line contact for her daughter with the school today. Her dp died just over a year ago and her mother is old, so she had asked another friend in the past. The new form came out for updating contact details and she thought of me. I was really touched to be asked.

[lou33]

doesnt sound like too bad a day dior

the only thing that concerns me slightly is that you seem to have to make sure g is ok with you all the time, and i wonder if he sees it as clinginess?

am not saying you are being clingy, just the way he might see it if , when you have a chat that doesnt satsify you, you keep asking him if everything is ok

does that make sense?

[Dumbledior]

Yes, it makes sense Lou. I tried really hard to be cool but he probably DOES know I like him more than I should. Whatever - he is leading the situation. I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't go running if he crooked his little finger at me . I will work hard on being detatched, but I do find we have more of a laugh if I make a little effort first.

[lou33]

i think you need to stop tho dior, because it will become annoying to him if you are always seeking his approval so to speak, hard as it may be given everything that is going on and how you feel right now

a little bit of mental distance might help you

[lou33]

see again , you make the effort for them

what about someone making an effort for you?

[Tanee58]

Hold fast, Dior, as Lou says. It's SO old-fashioned, but Men do seem to like doing the chasing - albeit they are flattered if we show we're attracted and make a bit of the running . Just try not to keep asking G if things are ok between you. Just behave as if they are, be friendly, but not overly so. That seems to have worked before...

Thanks for the words about dp and the other woman; it's true, I really don't think he'll stray now, though I think his actress friends are so talented and clever - and there aren't an awful lot of nice, straight AND available men in the profession. Besides, he's getting older and the thick dark hair is thinner and greyer. Mind you, he told me last night he's had to dye it dark brown again for this part - only he's worried that the stage lights will shine brightly on his bald tonsure . I said how lovely, you'll look 33 again, like when we met, and he said no, the hair may look 33 but the face is definitely craggy 52 ! He used to look like Pierce Brosnan but maybe now he's more Friar Tuck!

I tried dying my greying hair with a dark plum colour recently - big mistake - now have silvery pink highlights ...

[Tanee58]

Anyway, you really don't want to have a fling with G. You REALLY don't...do you?

[Dumbledior]

I wasn't chasing him today BTW. I only said, 'Oh yes, that manly chat you tried to have on Friday - was there anything specific you wanted to say?' He said no it was just a check up on how I was feeling.

Other than that, I have not chased him at all today. In fact, he came into my office several times, to talk to the boss, and I just kept my head down and got on with my work. You are right though - I do realise that I may come across as too much of a bunny boiler. I know it is only because I am so unhappy at the moment though. I will try extra hard to be detached tomorrow. I wish I could have a laugh with him without fancying him though.