DH job causing issues

[SimpleLifeWanted]

This could prob go in AIBU too...

DH has a very specified job which means that not many come up every year. He has recently fully qualified and is now looking for a permanent job.

ATM he doesn't earn very much and works and average of 50 hours per week which means early morning and late nights. Now that he is qualified he can start looking for a new job which will mean alot more money. However, he wants us to move to wherever the job is whereas I would rather sit it out until one comes up that is reasonably near (within a 2 hour radius) as we have a 6 month old DS and I don't want to be too far away from my family.

I suffer with mild depression so I need a good support network and if we move too far I know I will be miserable stuck at home with a young child not knowing anyone or being near my family.

God, what do we do????

[CrookshanksinJimmyChoos]

I would totally advise you to sit it out until a job comes up near you. The support network of a family is soooo important! My family is 2 hours drive from me and its really hard for me at times!

DH does shifts as well and he's had to cut back on a lot of them because its hard work for me to have DS all day and then til 9pm at night if DH does a shift etc as its me all day with DS - no help or anything. I've also had PND and had to stay with my mum for a while to get the family support thing....

IMO, stay put and wait for a job to come up near you - is it likely that one would come up or???

[Chirpygirl]

I am kinda in teh same boat, DH has a very specific job and has been looking to move for years but none ever come up.I have a history of depression (not since having DD but pre baby) and live 200 miles away from any family and would love to move home but have resigned myself to the fact that it is not going to happen.
It is easy to cope as long as you have a phone, friends who don't mind long rambly phone calls and can get yourself out and about. I now run the local playgroup and have met loads of really good friends through that and live on a lovely street as well.
What I suppose I mean is that it might not be the end of the world to move away whereas your DH could be working crappy long hours for ages until another job comes up, so which is more important.
PLus I visit my mum every 6 weeks by train with DD which is an adventure in itself, and she comes to visit too, so it's not as if I never see her.

[SimpleLifeWanted]

Thanks both for advice.

I am really excited at the prospect of moving to a bigger city and starting a new life somewhere but I really want to to be somewhere I want to go. Our top choices are Leeds/Manchester/Yorkshire area and it is likely that jobs will come up it just depends how long it will take.

It is so hard but I know that I will resent him if we move somewhere I don't want to be and worry it could put a strain on our marriage.

I would love to be the type of person that doesn't mind and is happy to go with the flow but I am quite a passionate person with an independent streak so I won't do things that I don't want to do IYSWIM.

We had a good talk late last night and I told him that he is being unfair to move the goalposts as we had agreed a search area and now he is wanting to change this. I told him he shouldn't have married me if he doesn't understand this. I have never lied and said I am happy to go wherever, he has always known my feelings and since having DS I feel this even more strongly.

I love my DH so much but my happiness is very important to me too and it should be to him.

[Chirpygirl]

Simplelife, I think you have answered your question really, if you feel that strongly about staying then it is a lot more likely to cause rows if you do move.
What did your DH say? Does he understand how important it is to you?

[SimpleLifeWanted]

Chirpy - yes he does understand. My concern is that is nothing comes up within the next six months then he will start wanting to look further afield again.

He says that now he is qualified he is desperate to get started properly which I understand.

I guess it is all about compromise but I just daren't compromise re location as I really fear it will put a huge strain on our marriage and that is the last thing I want to happen for ours and our DSs sake. We are also planning another baby in 18 months time and the thought of having a new baby and a toddler in a place where I cannot easily get to our family worries me sick.

Thanks so much for listening. I feel better for having got it written down.

[hoolagirl]

If a job comes up in an area you have not agreed, you could always go and have a look at it before you make any decisions, don't just rule something out because you think you won't like it.
Work out how often you would be able to visit family/when they would visit you, check out local stuff, playgroups etc before you make your mind up.
HTH.

[Chirpygirl]

That's really good that he understands, it must be enormously frustrating for both of you, him because he wants to earn lots of money to support his family and you because you are trying to make sure your family is happy.

TBH at the moment it is all hypothetical though as who knows, a job might come up closer than you think.

Fingers crossed for you!