how if possible can i make it up to a friend

[stooopidwoman]

hi hope you can help

about a month ago i fell out with my best friend in real life

basically accuse them of something and it now turns out they werent to blame

maybe i have left too long due to me being a stubborn cow

but how if at all can i make it up to them i have to see this person most days and just dont speak anymore its really heartbreaking and is causing me trouble sleeping because i feel bad and because i miss them, i keep dreaming we have made friends again then i wake up to remeber we are not friends and get really upset again

any replies much appreciated

i am going to fetch dc now will be back on later please reply im just depserate for advice or anyone that has been in a similar situation

thanx everyone

[greenpearl]

Send her some flowers with a note saying you were wrong and you were sorry?

[lilolilmanchester]

I'd write her a letter, saying that you were wrong, you're sorry, that you really value her friendship, and miss her.Remind her we all make mistakes, and you're really paying the price for this one. Could you meet up for a drink and talk it through?

[Wisteria]

Be honest and tell her what you've just written, she might be missing you just as much. Be as humble as possible, it's all my fault etc etc! Yes, 2nd the flowers and note; I've had to make many apologies in my time (it gets easier) good luck x

[nickytwotimes]

horrible situation to be in!
you could print off this thread and give it to her too?

[Tinkerbel5]

if she was any friend she would forgive you even if she felt hurt by what you thought, send her a text or call her up and apologise, then leave the ball in her court, good luck

[lilolilmanchester]

printing off this thread would be a great idea... Your friend will see that you care enough to ask other people how best to do try to put things right - and that we all think that if she is a friend worth having, she'll give you another chance.

[ratclare]

sneak out tonight and get some chalk ,then write in really big letters on her drive or pavement 'im really sorry ,love (your name)'

[ratclare]

dont worry it will take at least three weeks for the rain to wash it off ,speaking from experience

[stooopidwoman]

it is possible that the person has read this thread

thats me hoping though

they dont have a mobile so text not an option we did argue via email i spose i could try to reconcile that way too

just get the feeling ill probably have it thrown back in my face or they think im only makingn friends now because there about to have a baby (dont know if thats what it might look like) even that doesnt bother me just other ppl end stirring it which wouldn upset me IYKWIM

like the flower idea though never sent anyone flowers before

[bewilderbeast]

I like LLs way, i don't think e-mail is a good plan these things are best in person, harder but best

[LucyLamb]

I like littlelapins way - I have fallen out with a friend and it was totally her fault. If she had apologised straight away it would all have gone away and been forgotten - if she came up to me like that now and apologised I would have to forgive her, but I have the memory of an elephant and would find it hard to forget after the amount of time that has passed.

So do it sooner rather than later - otherewise it may be too late !

[stooopidwoman]

was it over something big lucylamb?
have you made it up with them ?

will u ever? and how long would be too long?

sorry im just so rubbish at saying sorry

[LucyLamb]

She called me a "10 yr old bitch" in an email copied to lots of people - then accused me of over-reacting when I replied saying that it was rude ! She then blanked me at school for a whole week - and organised a mums night out for our group and excluded me from it ! Other people spoke to her and she wouldn't have it that she should apologise or was at all in the wrong.

It was all about 2 months ago - maybe 3 ?

It was too late as soon as she excluded me from the night out I think - but if she admitted now that she was out of order and apologised I guess I would forgive but not forget still. We would never be close friends again as she has destroyed my trust iykwim ?

[stooopidwoman]

maybe ive have waited too long then as probably about the same time

though it wasnt quite as bad as that although a similar set up

although i dont go out much so that isnt an issue i didnt exclude her from anything we just didnt speak more a mutual thng than me gnoring her beggining to think i have waited too long and the person sounds very similar to you in the never forgets catergory

and i dont hink she want to be close with me again

maybe i should accpet it and move just wish the whole thing had never started it was all my fault jumping to the wrong conclusion i just got into a state about it and ended up taking out on the one person who has done so much for me IYKWIM

i will be sad to admit that there is no hope but maybe i shouldnt have waited so long (if the erson invovled is reading this please no im really sorry for how i dealt with everyhting) i hope everything goes well for you , take care

[UnConfident]

Does your friend use this site SW?

MAybe a public apology & one in private would work?


I am useless at good ideas.

[Anniegetyourgun]

It sounds like you owe her an apology, whether or not she accepts it. You are evidently a good person to have these concerns but it won't do your friend any good unless you say it (rather than just hoping she'll read this thread and realise it's you). However, sorry if it sounds harsh but you're sounding a wee bit self-centred, concerned only about whether you stand a chance of getting your friend back. There's not enough in there of worrying about how she feels having been wrongly accused, whether it would make her feel better to hear that you realise you were wrong. You'd rather walk away from the friendship than apologise because you're not good at apologies, even though you acknowledge she's done so much for you. You worry about whether how bad you feel without her will be as bad as how you will feel if she blanks you. So what? You owe her IMO. Do the decent thing, even if you do it clumsily, because it's right. And then forgive yourself for making the mistake in the first place, because everyone makes mistakes, it's how we handle them and learn from them that makes us better people.

Oh, and don't do the thing with the chalk, I'm sure that wasn't a serious suggestion!

[Anniegetyourgun]

... oh, and would I have the courage to do this myself? I don't know. Maybe not.

[lisad123]

I had a major row with afriend last year. She put me in a inpossible situation by telling me about an affair she was having. However, one night her hubby drove me home and asked me out right. I told him to talk to her but i suck at lying and he could tell from my face. He moved out.

We had big row but saw each other sometimes as we have same friends. She found out i had had a miscarriage and said she felt awful she wasnt there when i needed her and wrote me a very heartfelt card. We are good friends now but will never be same. Oh and her and hubby worked things out and now have another bumpy
Just be as honest and heartfelt as you can. Good Luck
hugs

[lucylala]

my best friend and I at Uni fell out in our final year. It was a real nasty, screaming, shouting, never speaking again row.

We left Uni hating each other (well she hated me, i was just very hurt by her) and i've always felt very sad about the way it ended.

Anyway,7 years (yep 7!!) I got a card totally out of the blue sent to my parents address. It was a little card and it just said ' I don't know whether you want to hear from me but i just needed to tell you that I was wrong, i've grown up and lot and now I understand better what happened. You were a wonderful friend to me and I just wanted to apologise for hurting you. love ....'

I burst into tears, I was so touched and it meant so much to me. The card didn't make up for all the horrible things she did and said at the time and for ruining my final year BUT it meant to much to me that she had the guts to apologise all those years later.

I sent her an email and now we're back on emailing terms and friendly again. We've even met up once or twice (she lives miles away)

I think you should apologise cos like another poster says, even if you don't end up friends again at least you'll know you did the right thing and she will get the apology she deserves.

[bookthief]

You need to apologise for your own sake because you were wrong and she should hear that from you. If you are genuine and heartfelt in the apology and she doesn't feel that she can accept it, well that's her right and your conscience is clear.

Please just do it - how can it hurt? You could get your friend back

[joash]

Apologise, tell her exactly how you feel and ask her for a hug!!!

[stooopidwoman]

yes you are all right i need to appologise i didnt mean i didnt care about there felings though, i was just worried about making the situation worse by trying to say sorry

i understand that its up to them if they decide not to accept my appology, im more worried that this person will then go to other friends and say oh this person is only wants to know because she knows im having soon, and that others wil think badly of me

but thats just my paranoia that everyone is talking about me etc

i could post a big message on here which i know she would see but she woudnt have to reply to

main problem though we did publicy argue on here a while back (also my fault) so not sure if trying to do it on here is a good idea, what do u think

[bookthief]

Nope, sorry. Needs to be between the two of you not a public display. If you had no way of contacting her except on here then that would be different but imo, you need to say sorry in person for preference, by phone if not. By text or email only if you really can't face her.

You're digging yourself a little bit of a hole here going on about her maybe talking to friends behind your back. I hope she's not reading this thread..