I split up with my partner a few months ago. My son hates him with good reason maybe, my ex was always good to my kids but did have a lot of tantrums with me. I was a single mum before I met my partner and my kids seemed to think I was superwoman. I spoilt and pampered them with love and anything they wanted although I had little money, I suppose I was overcompensating, the single parent guilt kicking in.
They have seen my mental and physical health deteriorate over the years, my failed relationship was just the icing on the cake, its been a combination of things - the stress of being a lone parent for so long, being made redundant, depression and anxiety which was probably caused by a childhood I can't tell my kids about. It's all come to a head after all these years. Plus the constant physical pain im in.
I'm trying to help myself, I have finally after more than ten years been taken seriously by my gp and have appointments for counselling which I know I desperately need. I am also having a small procedure under sedation to hopefully ease my physical pain so I can walk and move about properly again. However, since I split with exp my son has been an absolute arse to me, his attitude stinks. He could see how much I was hurting mentally and physically and he never has one good word to say to me, not one. I've tried and tried to explain to him depression is an illness (and he should know, he's had it) and he just says he doesn't want to "listen to my bullshit". He bitterly resents having to help out in the house (and its a rather large house i'm struggling to cope with).
I don't ask him to do anything normally but since ive been in pain and on my own I've asked him to vacuum (not every day), put a bit of washing in, help with the cooking, empty the bins and make his own sandwiches for college. (Basically anything that involves bending or lifting puts me in severe pain at the moment).
The way he speaks to me on a daily basis is vile and depresses me even more. I have tried to explain it wont always be like this and as soon as I can solve my physical pain I can get to my appointments and work on everything else. My daughter told me that ds purposely smashed a bottle all over the kitchen floor the other day because i'd put it in the bin rather than the recycling. I only did that because at the time I couldn't walk as far as the recycling bin! I asked him why he did it? He could have cut the dog's feet to ribbons. He said because he felt like it, was sick of the shit.
The shit being this apparently - I have had no choice but to get back in touch with exp. I can't drive, I cant walk, I suffer badly with panic attacks. I have no friends local to me. There is literally no one else to take me to my appointments, no one. My mum can't walk herself, I have no other family within hundreds of miles. Ds is making things so difficult for me. Exp has been down (we aren't together, just on speaking terms now), cleaned the house for me, taken me shopping, is willing to take me to any appointment I need to go to. For all the problems we had, he has always been reliable and has never let me down once. Ds has point blank refused to let exp in the house so I allowed him in anyway while ds was in college. Ds found out and went mad. He has threatened to start trouble if he even sees exp's car on our drive, I've begged him not to, I cant take any more arguments and nastiness, that is NOT going to help my anxiety. I've told him, look, I don't expect you to be his best pal, i'm not saying you have to like him, but sometimes in life you have to tolerate people in order to help someone you care about, that's just how it works.
"fuck that" was his answer. (which is pretty much his answer to everything). I have been angry with ds to be honest but I haven't said anything. He's seen me wander around needing a bath lately but being unable to have one in case I have a fall. He's not even willing to sit by the bathroom door for five minutes because he has "my own life". When I think of the bloody hours I sat awake at night watching him breathe after he had an asthma attack, I feel so hurt.
Am I expecting too much of him? His best friend does more for me than he does! If he sees something, he cleans it up to help me. I hate saying this but my son just seems so spoilt and selfish.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is my 20 year old son behaving like a spoilt brat, or am i wrong?
feellikerunningaway · 23/01/2017 02:12
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