Potted history:
DD2 (22) has been with her boyfriend 3 years. Met at Uni. She graduated and moved a job near where he was planning to return to when he graduated. She loves her job (nursing in a very complex and dangerous unit) but has been very lonely. While he was still at uni she took the train to visit him every couple of weeks.
Fast forward a year..he graduated but took a job in London, and sharing a house with friends. DD2 still very lonely, and due to her shifts only seeing him every few weeks. In the last 18 months he has travelled to her flat about 4 or 5 times. Neither drive so it is a train journey each time.. basically she has done all the travelling.
He appears to adore her, but she makes all the effort. Finally in the last few months she has found friends amongst her colleagues where she works, and is finally happy where she lives. Still loves her job. But she is unhappy at the long distance relationship and that she is doing all the travelling.
He proposed a solution. She should give up her job, move to London and rent somewhere, so they can see each other more often! NOT move in with him because he doesn't know if he is ready for that and he likes living with his friends.
He feels this is a perfectly reasonable solution and can't see why she is not happy to do so.. she is putting obstacles in the way by not wanting to leave her (great) job and her new friends to move somewhere where she knows no one and he isn't prepared to live with her!
My DD2 is generally one of the most competent , level headed individuals I know and wouldn't take this shit from anyone else! But she is understandably very upset. She loves him, and is also very close to his family.
My gut feeling is that if he isn't prepared to compromise.. share the travel at the very least, the relationship is doomed anyway. He thinks he is being UNselfish and is genuinely surprised she doesn't see it his way! I also think he is an arrogant git ! (I do like him but he is.. )
I think she should break it off now.. call a break and tell him to let her know if his priorities ever chance to put her above his own convenience. I have no doubt that both will be gutted, but I also know that it might be for the best.
I would be interested in any advice for her (I have told her I would ask opinions as she is very unsure of herself)... I have mentioned the 'sunken costs' fallacy...!
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What would you advise?
8 replies
StillMedusa · 18/01/2017 19:50
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