My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Negative parents

3 replies

Unrequitedlove · 06/12/2016 07:40

My parents divorced when I was a teenager but both still live locally so I do see them regularly. They are both quite negative people and I have to guard against them pulling me down.
I have a problem that I'm never 'heard' by either of them and don't feel any love from them. I'm older now but they're still my parents and see my ds. Don't want the same affect on him!
So, when I say anything positive about my life, it is dismissed, met with a blank face.
If I find a solution to a problem I'm then pulled down by them find another problem.
Even though they aren't together on this they are very similar!
It's really annoying! How would you deal with this? I do limit contact because if I try to make my feelings known it is met with defensiveness and criticism., I'm not sure what the problem is? I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, is it just different personalities? Jealously? I really don't know!

OP posts:
Report
pallasathena · 06/12/2016 08:14

Very likely they're self absorbed and just want to either talk about themselves and their problems or they're programmed to only hear doom and gloom. Maybe a bit of both?
I sympathise as I too have a bunch of relatives like this. They would stick pins in their eyes before offering congratulations or even a thank you for anything.
I was once told that they thought I'd become 'Uppity' and a 'Snob', if they went 'Over The Top'. Just a 'Well done pallas', would've been nice but there you go!
Don't stress about it. You can't change them. You can however change the way you react to them. A bit of distance, a sense of humour and a couldn't give a damn attitude works for me.

Report
Unrequitedlove · 06/12/2016 09:17

Pallas- thanks v much! Seems you get it too!
Yes, a simple smile, well done or a bit of interest wouldn't go a miss! Ok, so it's a case of it's them not me!
It's very wearing and I come away deflated. It really has impacted my self esteem. Nothing is good enough or simple, it's just one problem after another! Exhausting..
The don't give a damn attitude good but I'm a single parent so could really do with more support.

OP posts:
Report
pallasathena · 06/12/2016 18:14

Ah, but they win every time you appear deflated which is why they continue. Fake it until you make it with the not give a damn attitude is the way to go.
It does work.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.