My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Slowly losing my mind!

4 replies

Bubblemum16 · 05/12/2016 00:47

I've never written on these sort of sites before and don't know where to start...

To cut a long story short, I'm in a relationship of nearly 5 years and have 2 beautiful boys with my dp. We had our first quite quickly after dating but thought it would some how work itself out.
We had an awful start, he was awful and I think I spent most of my pregnancy and post partum depressed. He knows if it wasn't for me being pregnant I would have gotten rid of him quickly but hey I give people the bebefit of the doubt.
We moved in together and things didn't get much better but I stayed mostly because we had our first son. Things sort of improved but in short bursts, Ive lost count with the amount of times I asked him to leave and he didn't.
Anyhow, cutting it short, we're nearly 5 years down the line with two kids and I feel like I'm stuck in a dead end relationship.
I love him but I'm not in love with him. Too much has happened that I can't forgive and forget and he knows it. He has changed but certain this still get to me and he makes out its me being crazy. For example i have to force him to spend time with his kids otherwise he's more than happy to spend all his time sat on the sofa watching TV. My eldest craves him so much its upsetting to watch. I have enough on my plate to sort out and try and do stuff with them.
I'm exhausted and just tired. I really hate him sometimes and I've told him this but everything I say just goes over his head.
Anything i said when I was pregnant he would always say 'he would never acknowledge anything because it was down to my hormones'. My parent's hate him even though they tolerate him which I'm forever grateful for. He can be a real d*k at times and I feel like I've completely lost the person I used to be or even want to be. But then if he sees I'm not happy he'll be the nicest person ever and then as soon as things are great he's a d*k again and it's just one circle all the time.

I just don't know what to do...do I stay for my boys or do I leave to try and regain my sanity and then maybe see if this would work? Help me please!!!

OP posts:
Report
WinnieFosterTether · 05/12/2016 00:52

Leave. The cycle of niceness then abuse is a common one. It's partly why people end up staying in abusive relationships. You're exhausted. You hate him. The way he treats the DCs upsets you. You've asked him to leave and he won't so it's down to you to end this. And luckily it sounds as though your parents will support you in leaving.

Report
Bubblemum16 · 05/12/2016 01:03

My mum always says she doesn't encourage breaking up a family but I know what she went through with my dad and she always says if it's worth mending then don't leave but if nothing i's left to work on then leave.
I'm just scared I'll struggle on my own. I have been out of work for 2 years due to my previous employers firing me over childcare a month after having a miscarriage. I won't deny I was really depressed after that. Don't think I've fully been able to get my normal self back.
I've always been a person of hope and it tends to always get me into shitty situations.

OP posts:
Report
WinnieFosterTether · 05/12/2016 01:08

It's not the hope that gets you into shitty situations. It's your poor boundaries (I've been where you are and it's important to see where the real problems lie so you can fix them - for you not for him).
Maybe relationship counselling could give you the courage to leave? Go for individual counselling Flowers

Report
Bubblemum16 · 05/12/2016 01:12

I've mentioned counselling, and after many arguments he finally agreed but I just hate the fact that I'm the one that always has to organise everything because he's too damn lazy to do it.

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.