Feeling very hurt at being snubbed by friend, please hand hold!

[maggiethemagpie]

I've been friends with someone for about 12 years, not super close but definitely friends, I thought. She lives only up the road from me.

We both got pregnant at the same time time around 3 years ago and had little girls, so did end up spending time together on mat leave and then when I went back to work, maybe not so much but at least every few months or so. when I got married last year she played at the wedding reception, came on hen do etc.

It was her daughter's birthday last week and I've been invited to the past two parties so was surprised she didn't mention it but presumed maybe she was going away or seeing family or something.

I've just found out on facebook that she had a big party at her house (only a few miles away) and invited loads of other mums.

I'm really hurt - feel a bit betrayed actually. We're not super close friends, and sometimes I've felt like we're not as close now as in the past but I thought we were still friends and we have a lot of shared history and daughters of a similar age.

Is this her way of telling me she doesn't want to be friends do you think?

I'm feeling like curling up into a ball and shutting the world away right now.

I don't want to speak to her or see her ever again so please don't suggest I get in touch to discuss this. I've just taken her number out of my phone in a fit of pique (?) although husband still has it in his so it's more of a statement to myself than anything.

How the hell do I deal with this?

[AntiHop]

I'd be really hurt by that too. The only explanations are that she either forgot to invite you, or the party was actually for family and the Facebook information was wrong. Otherwise I'd take that to mean she doesn't see the friendship in the way as you do any more.

[maggiethemagpie]

It's definitely not just family in the pictures. She actually put in the facebook post 'a lovely day celebrating (daughter)'s name with good friends. Guess I'm not a good friend then. And she's posted it knowing I'll probably see it.

[maggiethemagpie]

Soooo tempted to post something suitably passive agressive below the post, sitting on my hands, stop me!

[rollonthesummer]

How old is the daughter-maybe she just invited school/nursery friends.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

It sounds like you were quite friendly and have now drifted apart.

She probably just didn't think to invite someone she only sees every few months and she wouldn't have thought about you before posting the pictures.

It's difficult when people grow apart, but it happens, sorry that you're feeling like crap about it

[maggiethemagpie]

Daughter is 3 - same age as mine - doesn't go to nursery goes to a childminder and I recognise some of the kids faces in the photos from previous parties so I don't think that's it.

[rollonthesummer]

Do you invite her to all of your daughter's parties?

[maggiethemagpie]

What doesn't make sense is that I am usually invited to social things at their house, last was her birthday in September... she was then at my house in October and then only a few weeks ago I was at hers for a play date.

We don't have as many parties but she was quite involved in my wedding, doing the music and going shopping for dresses with me.

so we're not 'best best friends' but we have spent a fair amount of time together + the shared history.

She's not been the most thoughtful friend in the past but this really takes the biscuit and for the sake of my own dignity I don't feel like attempting to patch up a friendship with someone who can snub me like this.

Is that a reasonable thing for me to think?

[maggiethemagpie]

rollon I had done, but my daughter's 3rd we went away camping so obviously that wasn't feasible. She knew that though.

[rollonthesummer]

I would imagine she just invited children who had invited her child to their recent parties. How close are your daughters?

[maggiethemagpie]

That's really unfair then, not like I could invite her along when we were camping!

Our daughters play together but they are at the age where they don't really play that closely if you know what I mean?

My daughter would really have loved to go to a party this weekend and likes her daughter, so I'm upset for her as much as myself (but more for myself to be honest!)

[maggiethemagpie]

After having said I don't want to speak to her again, I'm wondering if anyone in my situation would actually broach it with snubby friend - part of me does want to know why but I don't want to come across as a dick if I mention it.

[rollonthesummer]

No-but I would imagine if you'd done a party before or after your camping trip and invited them-you'd have got an invite.

I think you are over thinking this a bit. I'd maybe think about broadening your social circle a little.

[PosiePootlePerkins]

I think you'll have to try and bring it up with her one way or another, or it will eat you up. Face to face would be better if you are feeling brave enough. I will confess that something similar happened to me several years ago, and I didn't take my own advice! I wish I had asked ex friend why she was suddenly blanking me after 5 years of friendship, but I never did.
Having said that, sometimes friends are not what we think. With the benefit of hindsight I am so glad she ended this 'friendship' as it allowed me to move on and make some wonderful new, true friends.
Good luck.

[maggiethemagpie]

I do have other friends, but this is the one I've known the longest. I'm a bit shocked not to be invited, and wouldn't have thought it would be to do with something so trivial as not having a party for my daughter's birthday. I'm sure there's more to it than that... but I guess it'll look bad to mention it much as I want to know why.

[HappyJanuary]

Please don't assume that she doesn't want to be your friend.

I invited all my mum friends to my dc's first few birthdays, and their dc who were really only my Dd's friends by default.

By three or four I was asking my dd who she wanted to invite. It became her party rather than mine iyswim.

I would post something nice on her fb post and just wait to see whether your friendship continues or not.

[Letseatgrandma]

I would imagine she just doesn't think you are particularly close as you only see her every few months. I wouldn't be shocked if someone I only saw that often didn't invite me/my child to a party. They probably just see the other children more regularly. At that sort of age children start to have particular children they class as friends and want to see more often maybe, rather than just their mum's friends children.

[maggiethemagpie]

Would it be wrong of me to message her and say something like 'Looks like you had a lovely time at X's party - great pics! Shame (my daughter) couldn't be there.. I hope you don't mind me asking if there was a reason why as I thought they were buds... of course, it's up to you who you invite but I was just wondering.....'

[maggiethemagpie]

I'd say we've seen each other monthly lately, Letseat... once a party at hers where she invited a lot of people (kind of an 'everyone we know' party) then I invited her to dinner at mine, and then a play date at hers which i initiated as my daughter had been asking after hers,

I'm coming to the conclusion, sad as it is, that maybe she just doesn't really value or enjoy my company. Which is fine, it's not obligatory to like me! But sad after all these years.

[tigerdriverII]

Completely overthinking this. And frankly not having to sit around at a kids' party and have time to do your own thing is a massive plus.

[GettingitwrongHauntingatnight]

I'd only contact if you want to try and patch friendship up or mention if she contact you.

[Rainbowqueeen]

I wouldn't do it Maggie, I doubt very much that you would hear the truth.

I would continue the friendship as normal but just keep it in the back of my mind and observe how I was treated. People have different levels of friendship, you can use some time to work out how she really views your friendship and decide if that is right for you.

I agree with others though, that as her DD is older she is letting her choose the party guests.

[Naicehamshop]

I understand how you feel OP but I just don't think that's going to help. Let it go - this person is not a good friend. Her loss.

[rollonthesummer]

play date at hers which i initiated as my daughter had been asking after hers

If you initiated it, why wasn't it at yours?

[Jenijena]

At 3, my son chose who to come to his party. That's all that's happened, I imagine...