OH's friends not really his friends

[user1480794970]

My OH is one of the most loving generous men I have ever met, but he is incredibly socially awkward.

He has a group of friends that I feel aren't really his friends and I'm nervous when he goes out with them because I have visions of him just sitting on his own, getting more and more drunk because he doesn't know what else to do, and being a bit used (2 of them staying at our house as they live far away).

I'm not sure if I'm just projecting my feelings onto him as I'm hyper sensitive to these sorts of things, whereas I genuinely don't think he sees a problem.

At the moment I feel like being brutal and telling him they're not his friends but that makes me as bad as them.

Any ideas? Please?

[Revealall]

Need more info on why you don't think they are his friends. Why is two of them staying a problem?

[Fatrascals]

Yes. From what you've stated it sounds like you're being completely unreasonable and projecting your own irrational and unjustified opinions onto his friendships.

You give absolutely no evidence why you might believe that his friends aren't his friends.

Friends staying at your house because they live far away is normal . It's nice- they live far away but they can be bothered to visit.

[Naicehamshop]

I think you need to explain why you think this, but if he is really very socially awkward then maybe you have a point. Hard to know though, until you tell us a bit more.

[user1480794970]

Just from this evening;

• one of the guys who got up to order food 'forgot' OH order and so didn't order him anything. Food arrives, he has nothing.
• he then orders and obviously his arrived later, he's half way through eating and another guy suggests we leave, OH doesn't say anything just seems to accept that he's not going to finish his dinner
• go to a busier place, somehow manage to lose everyone, rings them all, one finally answers, says they'll wait somewhere and as we walk over (they haven't seen us) they start walking off
• get to table where the rest of the group are, nowhere to sit, we stand akwardly and not one of them attempts to move around so we can sit down

[user1480794970]

I get staying with friends is normal, but 2 other of the group live in our city (who never invite OH anywhere normally, he only gets invited when it's a big group gathering) and so I feel they are using here as a base to meet up just with the others!!

[BumDNC]

Hmm his friends don't sound nice. I sometimes think our instincts are right on these kind of things.

I have never seen my BF react the way he did to someone I know who he feels doesn't treat me nicely (he just went very quiet and said he didn't like the way they spoke to me). I know he is right, they don't. They aren't a friend they are a colleague BTW. He just cares and it sounds like you do, it's not about not wanting to have friends it's feeling in your gut they aren't very nice friends.

You can say how you feel about it but like me, he's a grown up and he can make his own friends and his own choices. You can also help him make new, better ones perhaps. It's ok to care but he's not a child who needs you to intervene.

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

They're users, not friends ;0(
It must be difficult for you to witness their rudeness and lack of respect, and I would tell him. Start off by prompting him to tell you what he thinks about it, and then very gently give him your views.

[Footle]

Their tactics remind me of school - people bullying someone who is too nice-natured to have noticed what's going on. Yet.

[user1480794970]

Thank you everyone. I feel better just having got it off my chest.

I know it's daft but I'm panicking about his stag do and how awful they might be to him and all sorts!!

He's known these people 10+ years and so I don't think there'll be going anywhere unfortunately, but I think I'll be pushing him towards his other group of friends who are absolutely lovely (and who bring him right out of his shell!).

[Nanny0gg]

Try and persuade him to have a very low key stag do with the other friends.

I think you're right t be worried.