So my husband and I decided to separate a few weeks ago (his idea) and have been living like strangers in the home since then. Today he left for 'the office' and left his email open and I found a lot of emails to another woman, he is clearly having an affair. There is a lot of talk about their sex life. He also mentions other affairs. We have been together for 15 years, married for 10, 2DC. His job has always required a lot of travel and this person is not in the UK. Part of me is relieved because now I can move on from a bad relationship but I need some advice on what to do now. He is leaving for another business trip on Wednesday. He will be back just before Christmas. Do I confront or just wait till he leaves and then tell him I know? Obviously I am feeling quite stabby right now, but I am worried about what he might do if found out. There has never been any violence in our marriage but sometimes when people are backed into a corner they do stupid things. Also it would make the tension in the house unbearable. Can I tell him not to come back? It is his home, he has covered and paid all bills since we got married. My name is not on the deed. I have been a SAHM since having kids. Before that his job made it difficult for me to keep a job as I would travel with him. We are definitely getting divorced, there is no going back from this. Help! Need some words of wisdom. Will try to respond when I can but he might be home soon. Also I forwarded as many of the emails I could to myself before the school run for evidence and deleted any evidence of that from his email so he should not be aware that I know.
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Relationships
Just found out about affair, what to do next?
user1469355808 · 28/11/2016 15:58
I can see it will be very hard to bite your tongue but I think it's vital that you do. Having time to get things in order and protect yourself financially will put you in a much stronger position (and hit him much harder than you venting your rage on him now) in the long run. Making sure you and the DC are secure financially is so important and he doesn't sound like the sort of man who will treat you fairly when you divorce if he's capable of the level of deceit you've discovered so you have to box clever. I would look forward to being able to tell him that you know everything and have made sure you have the means to take every penny you and the DC are entitled to, that would make it worth waiting to vent my fury for me. Cold, hard anger will serve you better for the time being than letting your hurt take over if you can manage it, I do feel for you though OP 
You don't need a mediator in the first instance. Mediators are for if you don't agree - then I believe that you're expected to have mediation not just go to court. But you can start with a solicitor. If your proposals for child arrangements and financial split are legally reasonable, there may be no need for mediation.
Good luck
Yes, get lawyered up and keep quiet until he is safely out of the country. Then when you have all your ducks in a row, message him saying that you know and you have sent all his belongings to his mum/office/latest mistress.
Also, have a good hunt out of his pensions/shares/any assets and savings as half of everything is yours. How old are the DC? He will have to pay 20% of his take home pay minimum for them, and possibly spousal maintenance for you. A local solicitor will be your best bet for getting appropriate specific advice on the financial aspects.
Good luck
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