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Advice

(66 Posts)
Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:20:52

Going through rough time, on off for 3 months during this time OH left and got someone pregnant, strained our relationship. I decided maybe it could work?
We have a beautiful 14 month old son. 4 days ago OH left once again over a petty argument and said it was for the best bla bla bla.. He's been here everyday for a few hours just won't stay here.. I have no family or nothing to turn to. I'm so down in the dumps as soon as the baby goes to sleep.. I don't need trolls to say I was silly for letting him back when he's got someone else pregnant, but I do genuinely love him.

OohhThatsMe Sun 27-Nov-16 21:24:23

What happened to the other woman who was pregnant? Does he see her/the baby?

How long have you been together?

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:26:34

It's not born, so I can't answer for that. We've been together three years x

Simonneilsbeard Sun 27-Nov-16 21:26:43

I'm not going to say you were silly for taking him back, Iv made plenty of mistakes of my own because I wanted my relationship to work for my children's sake. No judgement here.
I would ask what he's doing for the few hours he comes round and sits in your house? I think that's something you need to nip in the bud. He's walked out so he doesn't get to come play happy families and swan off again leaving you to be the full time parent. I think you should set some boundaries for your own sake.

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:30:35

iV lent him money, iv made sure he eats because I worry over him, washed his clothes .. I get what your saying today's the only day he hasn't been here.. Which he will make up an excuse for tomorrow as for the other girl I know it's been 6 weeks since any contact was made.

Maverickismywingman Sun 27-Nov-16 21:34:31

The main questions are - do you want to try and make it work?
Does he?

If the answer is no from either points then all that is left to do is sort personal belongings and child access.

But on a basic level, I agree with PP - boundaries need to be made for your sanity.

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:37:30

He will cry and say me and you are a blurr I don't know what's happening. I need head space. But then I did say look what happened when you needed head space before you were back and forth me and another ..

jeaux90 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:38:56

Darling he is completely mugging you off. As a single mum myself I can tell you that it's so much easier without letting him mess you about. It's hard enough without having your head fucked with. Call time on it, sort out formal arrangements and try to move on. You deserve better x

SoTheySentMeA Sun 27-Nov-16 21:39:52

No advice unfortunately as have ever experienced this but didnt want to read and run. flowers for you, can you dump him and relocate to somewhere where you'll have support? Near family?

BumDNC Sun 27-Nov-16 21:41:32

You are kind of being his mum at the moment because he knows you care, I think he's taking advantage of you. He needs to stay away until he has got his head together and this won't help either of you. Set a day and time for him to come see your DC and try get yourself stronger flowers

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:42:04

Well I have family but it's too bitchy so I don't talk to them when it comes to OH , My mum always says to him 'she loves you and you up and leave when it suits you' so they don't get on. She also says this relationship is her and my dads and that didn't work

AnyFucker Sun 27-Nov-16 21:42:31

He's mugging you off

Stop doing the Pick Me Dance, you are demeaning yourself. You can't have any respect for yourself so why would he ?

Call me a troll if you like, but making meals and doing laundry for this shagabout will come back to haunt you when you wake up from this nightmare

Lunar1 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:44:27

Where is he staying?

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:44:54

Maybe so.. I never thought about a relationship ending with a baby and it's so much harder when you care for the person who gave you a child

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:47:00

Down his dad's smile

BumDNC Sun 27-Nov-16 21:50:52

He can do his own washing to be fair. He's really behaving badly. He has somewhere to stay and is taking zero responsibly for himself. It's like you are the grown up. He needs to become a man for his child and stopping mothering him will help

SoTheySentMeA Sun 27-Nov-16 21:52:40

Your mum is right to be honest. She's calling him out on his behaviour too.

AnyFucker Sun 27-Nov-16 21:53:34

Your family is right to hate him

He sounds like a grade A prick

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:55:13

My child's one of 4.. Potentially 5, however they're long relationships he was married for 5 years and had two and the other child he had at 18. He sees two of four kids. X

Simonneilsbeard Sun 27-Nov-16 21:56:14

I agree ..he's totally mugging you off.
Why are you treating a grown man like a child who needs stuff done for him?
He's treating you like an option!
He doesn't get on with your mother because she has his measure and he knows it!

BumDNC Sun 27-Nov-16 21:57:53

You are making him sound even worse. He is impregnating and leaving women (and the children) at quite a rate.

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 21:58:11

My youngest sibling got involved in the argument before he decided to leave because of the way I was spoken to he said it wasn't her right to speak up and that's why he's leaving because my family speak to him like shot apparently

forumdonkey Sun 27-Nov-16 21:58:42

So he comes back, he gets a meal, clean clothes, and money and then gets to fuck off and do his own thing? He returns the next day knowing you're sat there just waiting for him and he goes off again on his merry way knowing that you are sat waiting for him to pander to his every whim. FUCKING STOP!! He wants to walk, let him. Let him be on his own and look after himself. Don't be in the next time he calls, take yourself out - anywhere.

Simonneilsbeard Sun 27-Nov-16 21:59:59

Your family obviously can't stand the way he's treating you and I can't honestly say I blame them.

Louise0087 Sun 27-Nov-16 22:00:17

He's got a key! I leave my key in and go out but I know he'll just wait around until I'm home .. Or start some argument that he didn't see his son when he wanted to ..

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