We were together for 18 years and have 2 DC (teen and a 9 year old). Divorced for 4 years (he had an affair and I divorced him).
The first two years were hell. The next year we mended bridges, both found new relationships and moved on. We're now 5 and a bit years on from the split.
If you were to ask me how our relationship is I would say we are good friends. Access to the DC and money have never been an issue between us. If he is working nearby he will call/text and drop in to see the kids for 10 minutes on his way past, we'll have a cuppa and then he'll go. We keep in regular contact about the kids (we've had some issues with teen starting school and discipline stuff) there are also lots of extra curricular stuff that needs regular sorting out around our working hours which change week on week.
The issue is that his partner knows nothing about any of this. She is quite uncomfortable with us being together alone and (in her own words to me) feels like she is competing against a lot of history. We get on very well on a surface level (keeping up appearances for the DC) but that's about it. Ex and I have discussed this and he says he understands why she feels that way but isn't prepared to stop dropping in on the DC or maintaining a friendship with me.
Some other examples are: something in the house broke and needed fixing which is his trade. I didn't tell him as I knew he would offer to fix it and I knew his Dp wouldn't like it. The DC ended up mentioning it and he asked why I hadn't told him, he then turned up and fixed it anyway and said it wasn't my problem if she didn't like it. I said I was uncomfortable basically lying to her and he said he understood her position but didn't agree with it, it's his DCs house and there's no point in paying someone to fix something he could for free.
Something in my house broke (kitchen appliance) ex bought us a new one off his own bat (he has more money than I do) but I'm under strict instructions to not tell the DC that he paid for it as he doesn't want his partner to know. FWIW I didn't know he had ordered it until it turned up. I would have told him not to buy it if I did. He says nonsense this is where his DC live.
If the DC have a school play we all have to go on different nights as she doesn't want to be there whilst I am there. Again, it seems a bit silly but it's her choice. In a few weeks DS has a play and we will all have to go on the same night due to work schedules. She is now not coming and has text me asking if I'm sure I can't change?!
I really am looking for objective outsider opinions on if I am colluding with ex behind her back (to the extent that she has no idea how often ex comes around or we are in contact) or if she seems a bit over the top and is being pandered to.
I personally wouldn't trust ex an inch so I can see why she may feel that way even though I know we were over and done with years ago. I am no longer in a relationship as of a year ago which I think makes her worry even more.
Opinions?
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Relationships
Am I having an innapropriate relationship with my ex husband?
ThePoloHole · 27/11/2016 00:30
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