mother's life style choice above everyone else?

Jennin · 2016-11-26 07:51:24

My partner of 7 years has two children who live abroad with their mother. She left this country to marry someone she barely knee then and took the kids with her. At that time, the boy (10yo then) did not want to go and be separeted from his wider family, school friends and above all his dad, whom he worships. Mother works in a job that pays commission only and we found out that she leaves the kids unattended for most of the day (they're now 14 and 12). To help settle into a new country she empty the kids savings accounts (which dad had opened and maintained to pay for their future university studies etc). Meanwhile, dad has carried on paying for child maintenance plus two trips to see them yearly. These expenses are taking its toll on his finances and health as he is v stressed out to met his commitments. We seldom go out as we don't have any money - i do not live at his expenses and we share all the bills. Occasionally, i pay for special treats. When he does, it comes with a heavy cost for his finances and stress levels (one can tell). Everything he buys has to be the cheapest possible/special offer, while i always buy the best i can and pay for it myself (we have a joint bank account just for bills). After they moved moved abroad we spent 3 years without holidays together and this year we won't have any. The pound drop caused a massive loss for him. similarly, the kids never do anything beyond spending time with their friends in their home (or anything that does not involve money). Is it really fair that she makes all the decisions and others (kids, my partner, our relationship) have to bear the emotional and financial costs. Can she carry on working for free while we can barely subsist? I refuse to pay for more as i would be effectively subsidising her. I am at the end of my tether and am willing to walk away from our relationship. I don't have kids but believe that children should always come first regardless of adults arrangements. Yet, it seems that only the mother has rights here. Many thanks for any advice. Ps: at the beginning of our relationship, my partner said to me that he was lucky i did not have kids. Now i see what he meant. How do we deal with this situation? Dad fears that ex will retaliate somehow.

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

This thread has been deleted

The OP feels she has given too much info here, and so has requested for this to go.