Cant sleep

[Squashberry]

We (little ones, my partner and myself) were sat after dinner at the table still and talking about a song we couldn't remember. Partner googled the words and found the name of song. So I asked him to pass his phone so put it on Youtube app as apparently he didn't know how to do it. He completely froze and was very reluctant for me to see his phone which I thought was weird, which I said. He gave me his phone but then literally ran round the table to stand next to me, saying I shouldn't look at his phone history as I wouldn't like it if he looked at mine (and he has in the past! 18 months ago he even went through my phone and called someone off it at three am as he didn't know who it was, "but that was 18 months ago, not doing stuff like that anymore" ) . I thought that was super weird and because he was freaking out so much and so panicky, in front of him I went on history... Or at least tried to before he grabbed phone off me and tried to make excuses for what he'd been looking at. All i managed to see is an article of that woman who's breastfeeding her boys and has photos of pretty much her entire boob. But thats not even what he was worried about. Didn't see the rest but concerned as to why he was so panicky. Its not as if he'd bought a gift or whatever, he's not the kind of person that could hide that. I can only imagine what he's been looking at or on must be something terrible for him to be that freaked out. And when I was annoyed about it (not going on his phone, but his reaction) he packed a bag and left. I'm sat in bed now thinking what the hell. He'll have deleted whatever was on there by now plus had a long unknown password. My guts telling me it's something odd.

[myfriendnigel]

He packed a bag and left because you nearly looked through his phone history?
I'm really sorry but I'd say that that's more than odd-it's a very over the top reaction.
Do you know where he went?

[Squashberry]

Sorry i didn't reply sooner. Didn't realise anyone had posted. I still haven't had any sleep and need to be up in half an hour

He's at a hotel til Saturday he said.

[Tiredbutnotyetretired]

That is a massive over-reaction, im sorry you havent had much sleep its awful to be that stressed or anxious that you're lying awake most of the night, i hope you get to the bottom of it op.

[SlottedSpoon]

whatever it was he didn't want you to see, it must have been bad. Very bad.

[Squashberry]

Literally been up all night. So so shattered. Just keep thinking of the panic in his face when he thought I'd see it. Glad he's gone to be honest. Gives me some space and time to think. I just dont understand whats that bad you're that scared or embarrassed.

[SlottedSpoon]

When he comes back you need to have a serious chat I think. In the meantime look all over the house and on any laptops/ipads for anything that might give a clue.

It might be something pretty harmless and normal like facebook stalking an ex girlfriend but perhaps he'd hate you to know because it would just be awkward to explain and cause all sorts of grief.

Then again, he could be on Grindr. Or worse.

[Confusednotcom]

That's really weird. Sorry.

[Squashberry]

Apparently it was just "trashy articles". Not sure what that means.

[forumdonkey]

So he packs a bag and leaves you over trashy article?! That's absolute bollocks and you know it is and so does he. Who knows what he's hiding for sure but it's something he's desperate to hide from you! Have you checked other devices?! And it might not be his history, it could be texts and photos too.

[Esoteric]

Nope , it's not trashy articles. My experience of this is the minute anyone gets panicky over someone even holding their phone, it's more than that.

[Squashberry]

He's stayed at a hotel last night and said he'll be back Saturday. I know it's not just "trashy articles". I want to know what the hell it is, but guess I'll never know. Said he's coming home for lunch because he's not concentrating at work and needs to see me. Part of me wants to go out before he gets in (even though I have no energy from not sleeping last night). Don't even know what I'd say to him. What do you say to someone you're sure has done something shady/is hiding something?

[myfriendnigel]

You say exactly that.that you think, due to the way they have behaved ,that they are hiding something awful, and you need to know immediately what it is or you will continue to assume the worst and That this is their chance to tell you. Said calmly and firmly.

[HarryElephante]

Say 'what are you hiding?', and go from there.

[1Violetcream]

Poor you.... such a horrible thing to happen. Definitely try and check other devices before he comes back. It's just such a bizarre reaction to leave the house!!!! I guess you've just got to try and keep the upper hand really calmly. Perhaps in order to try and retain a sense of control over the situation you should say you are quite aware it is something very big or serious and that you are not ready for him to come home right now. That you need a couple of days to think. That perhaps you will meet him out somewhere but he needs to give you some space. Otherwise you're just at the mercy of him coming and going which feels awful. You almost need to act like you know a bit more than you do. Perhaps by saying calmly....."this is quite a big deal for you and therefore for us.....I think you need to start at the beginning....."". If he starts saying the same old rubbish about trashy articles perhaps you interrupt him calmly and say "I'm sorry but unless you're honest with me there isn't any point in talking". Then just wait and see. I know how this feels.... utterly wretched. Is there any one who can give you a break from your little ones so you can have a bit of head space? X

[Mummymummymummyhi]

Sorry. Didn't realise anyone else had posted.
I'm so miserable right now. He's really messing with my head. One min he loves me and well make things work. Next min he's saying things in past tense.
Last night, he didn't speak to me at all. Then went to bathroom on his phone, came back in and suddenly wanted sex. I asked what he was doing on his phone, finally said checking work emails whilst he was on the loo. I asked what the email was about, again took ages to reply. So I asked to see it and he just went quiet and then said "you really want to see my work email?" which made me feel like an idiot.
He's out on work do tonight. Started at seven. He text me asking if I love him, which I said was an odd thing to ask. But he insisted I answer, I said and he responded "okay thanks". Heard nothing after that then just past twelve he text to say he's gone to his friends (from work) now. I repied and still haven't heard anything from him.

Why am I stressing myself sick about this. The relationship is clearly over. I dont trust him. Can't bloody sleep again and my stomach is in knots

[Mummymummymummyhi]

Sorry this is original poster. I'd name changed.

[smegsmeg]

Sounds so dodgy. can't imagine how your feeling and I'm sorry to hear it! is there anyone at work that could have something to do this weird behaviour?

[boo2410]

So sorry you're not sleeping, there's nothing worse. I'd like to say there's nothing to worry about but his behaviour is very strange and your gut feeling is almost always right. Tread carefully, he will trip himself up. Guaranteed.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Please, just end it.

I know it's hard but you don't need to know exactly what it was that was on his phone, it was obviously really, really bad. Frankly, I'd quite possibly call the police because I'd be scared it was child abuse.

Secondly, he asked you if you loved him so he could give himself permission to go and fuck someone else. That's where he is. Not at a mates.

Text him. Tell him not to come back tonight. Lock the doors. Deal with the rest tomorrow.

I'm sorry he's putting you through this 💐

[Squashberry]

He just started on a new team about a month ago and they're mainly women. He's been acting weird since before then though. The guy who's house he said he's at now is a guy he's told me is a weirdo, odd etc-then why is he going to his house? He did say he'd be drunk when he gets home-free bar at work do. I know its only 2am,but he has work tomorrow and I thought he'd be back by now or at least have sent a couple of texts. I probably sound like a crazy b*tch now. But the way he has been behaving as of late... I hate feeling I'm being a mug. Im so angry, upset, stressed. I feel sick, literally sick whilst he is (at best) not giving a damn and having fun but all I can think of is the worst.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Too much weirdness. Too much secrecy. Too much paranoia (from him).

Why are you letting him come back tonight? I wouldn't.

[Squashberry]

Unbelievable. Just called him, no answer and now his phone is off.

[Squashberry]

I've put keys in both the doors so he cant get in. IF he was even going to bother come back. His stuff is going in binbags now. I cant do this

[FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty]

Good for you. He sounds like an utter bellend Squash, he's obviously up to something very dodgy and isn't capable of dealing with it like a grown up.

I hope you're ok and that you have some support in RL to get rid of him. I know it's easy to say this from the safety of a keyboard, but you deserve better and so do your little ones. If you let him stay your (legitimate) mistrust will eat away at you both and you will all suffer.

[Squashberry]

I don't have any support in RL. All the bills etc are in his name too, even my car and I can't afford to run this house/car, not even a fraction. Is this why he thinks he can get away with this. I'm sat here shaking, feel like I'm going to breakdown. Why do this?! Why not just be bloody honest! Instead of being sneaky and horrible. I can't take it. If I had the means to leave I would've gone by now. Yet I'm sat here, stuck and miserable. Need to be up in just over three hours for my babies with a smile on, how I will do that I don't know.