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Mental illness broke us - to fight or give up?

(7 Posts)
Brokeninpieces Thu 24-Nov-16 10:12:34

DH has a long term diagnosis. When not stressed he's the most lovely kindest hearted person.

I have several current diagnosis that stem from some very traumatic life experiences and have fought for several years to get the correct treatment which Iv now started. I know I won't be this way forever and I can get through it with help

Obviously my current condition over the last several years put tremendous strain on our marriage and aggravated DHs condition as it's been very stressful.

Do we just need to give in and give up? I don't want to but it's dysfunctional in that we're triggering each other I think

BraveDancing Thu 24-Nov-16 12:49:40

Very hard to say without knowing more about the nature of the triggers/illness.

I am bipolar and my life partner has depression and we manage but it's been hard. What is good about the relationship?

TBHhadEnough Thu 24-Nov-16 16:23:26

me and stbxh both come from dysfunctional childhoods and have poor mental health a s a result. His mh issues more severe than mine and its ground me donw and made my depression worse.

I pulled the plug after 16 years and 2 kids/ wish i'd pulled the plug 16 years go.

it can work but it will take a lot of hard work and for both parties to look after THEMSELVES first.

Brokeninpieces Thu 24-Nov-16 16:36:59

Good question. Sometimes it seems very supportive and we are great friends

I have OCD with depression/anxiety and DH has decided I have EUPD although the professionals disagree and say while I do have traits when severely depressed its not enough or constant for an actual diagnosis. I'm doing CBT one on one with a psychologist for trauma and OCD

DH has bipolar

He flips on me and starts blaming all my issues saying they make his bipolar worse each time he's having a mood crash (which is often) after having been the kindest sweetest person trying to help - say he says he'll cook or something as I had a tough day, then the next thing I'm being blamed for him being stressed because he had to cook as I couldn't that day (which isn't the case, he offers telling me I need help and he'll do it but then throws it at me once his mood crashes)

I feel like he can only accept me if I'm at my peak which is impossible to be 100% of the time

hellsbellsmelons Thu 24-Nov-16 16:41:12

Do you have enough resources to take time out from each other?
Maybe a family you can go to or he can?
Give yourselves some space away from each other and see how you get on.
You may miss each other like crazy and your MH deteriorates or it could be that it's just what you needed to help you heal?

Brokeninpieces Thu 24-Nov-16 17:20:46

We already decided for him to live elsewhere a while ago... So it's when he comes over to visit all this is happening

But yeah I think perhaps even more space might be necessary- which leads me to think how much space before we just say lets split up

Tarttlet Sat 26-Nov-16 13:25:11

What boundaries do you have in place?

My partner and I both have MH problems too, but blaming each other is unacceptable in our relationship no matter how bad either of us are feeling. MH problems are not an excuse to treat each other poorly at any time.

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