This could be long, feel free to go elsewhere...
My husband's mother is a massive narcissist. She ticks every box. She has invented a fee extra boxes. My FIL is the classic enabler, allows her to do and say whatever she likes for a peaceful life. I get that he has to live with her but I have no respect for him. He's nice enough but I never forget that he allows her to treat her children the way she does.
Things have been building for a while, since February 2015 when she stopped speaking to my husband for 6 weeks because he said something that offended her. Please note: he said nothing offensive but she still took offence.
Instead of speaking to him and telling him she was hurt, she just blanked him for 6 weeks. The only reason she started speaking to him again is because I threatened to take our son away. She didn't fix things for my husband or their relationship, but because she was worried she'd lose her grandson.
Fast forward 18 months, and things aren't much better. She speaks now, but it's quite clear she has no time for or interest in my husband, she is only interested in our children.
There is a lot of stuff that happened before last February, but he's always just put up with it. I've never really understood why as I am the sort if person who would just walk away from such a destructive person (and have done) but he's always been scared to stand up to her.
Over the last couple of months, things have got worse. He asked her to meet him for lunch but she refused saying she had no reason to go into town, meaning that she wouldn't make the effort to see him unless she was already there for something else. She all but stopped speaking when she found out from my mum instead of him that my brother and his wife were expecting and when he put his foot down and told her he would only be visiting once a fortnight. We think those are the reasons anyway - as usual she's just not talking to him, although she will say the bare minimum so he can't accuse her of it.
Finally today she came round to collect my eldest for the day and there was a misunderstanding between me and her about something that happened on Saturday, which resulted in her telling me my husband was a liar and I shouldn't believe anything he says. I wouldn't have this, I won't have her calling him names like that. I said how dare she speak about him like that and she said she knew him better than me (she doesn't, she knows nothing about him) and he's always been a liar. Well, he's never lied to me, and I won't have it.
I spoke to my husband afterwards and he has said this is the last straw, he's on the verge of going completely no contact with her. Despite wanting this for years, I now feel like I've pushed him into it before he's ready, it was my mistake that made her accuse him of lying. Although she should never have said it.
I don't know what I'm looking for
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Family split - all my fault
JayoftheRed · 23/11/2016 13:27
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