Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DS has done something sooooooo stupid [sad]

(9 Posts)
frumpet Fri 18-Nov-16 23:05:11

Get a call from a very upset DS today , apparently he has been suspended from work because they have evidence that he has taken money from a customer and pocketed it , or stolen it would be a more honest description . They have evidence that he did this twice . Small amounts of money , think coins as opposed to notes .
I thought he was almost back on an even keel , but he has blown it , not even sure what is going to happen to him , other than obviousley lose his job .
He isn't good mentally and I have been trying to get him to see a Dr for months , occasionally he will make an appointment , but then doesn't turn up !
I have just taken a substantial cut in my take home pay and whilst I could just about cover his rent , it will leave me with not a lot left over . I can't have him home , he was one of the main reasons I had a breakdown earlier this year .
I love him and if you met him , you would like him too , he is a nice person who is depressed and prone to stupidity .
Just needed to vent , thank you smile

tallwivglasses Fri 18-Nov-16 23:23:31

Oh no! Do you have a local carers association? How old is your son?

Offred Fri 18-Nov-16 23:36:37

I don't think you can cover his rent or have him back with you. You could help him apply for benefits though?

goddessofsmallthings Sat 19-Nov-16 00:53:25

Do you know whether his employers have involved the police in this matter?

AyeAmarok Sat 19-Nov-16 01:02:39

you would like him too , he is a nice person who is depressed and prone to stupidity

No, he's a thief who thinks it's ok to steal from innocent customers.

Don't bail him out here by paying his rent, he needs to learn the consequences of his actions, otherwise he'll get worse. He'd have kept taking money for as long as he could get away with it.

Don't minimise this.

7SunshineSeven7 Sat 19-Nov-16 01:20:43

Sorry to say I agree with Aye, he has stolen from customers. If you've already paid his rent then fine, he has a month to sort himself out somewhere new to live in a shared house or hostel.

This was his own doing, if they say that they have evidence then they will have. They make sure they are 100% before accusing staff of anything like this.

Stealing from innocent customers while at work isn't ''stupidity'' its a crime.

Baylisiana Sat 19-Nov-16 01:22:59

I am not sure there is a clear link between either depression or stupidity and stealing. I suppose in rare cases depression and kleptomania might intersect....but I would assume not in this case. I understand he has struggles and that you need to be careful, but I would not immediately step in offering to cover rent or anything. Depending on how bad his MH is right now, which I do not know, it may be better for him to face some of the consequences. Ignore me if he is clearly too unwell for that.

ILoveAutumnLeaves Sat 19-Nov-16 01:29:02

frumpet 😕💐 You definitely can't have him home again. You HAVE to prioritise your own mental health, because without that you both sink.

I agree the best thing you can do is help him to help himself. But to be honest, even if it means you doing the lions share of investigating and making appointments it's better than letting him fail at that and ending up with him at home again, which you would, because you wouldn't be able to refuse him if push came to shove.

If it were me I'd insist he comes around tomorrow to sort out a plan.

- Make a Drs appointment (at a time you can go with him. To make sure he goes & is honest!)

- Apology letter to work.
* Apologising obviously
* Offering to work voluntarily in a non cash position
* Stating he's made an appointment with the GP to get help with his depression & other MH issues, that mead to him doing STUPID things.
* Begging requesting they consider giving him his job back.
(we have given staff a second chance many a time, it usually works out ok)

- Benefits. Research what's available.

- Jobs. Start hunting.

I'd tell him I will help him, but I will not have him home and I will NOT be taken for a fool so he had bettter do anything we agree on or the help STOPS and he's on his own.

Poor you 🍫☕️

Rubies12345 Sat 19-Nov-16 01:29:35

You don't need to cover his rent, he can apply for housing benefit.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now