Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

FEELING SO CONFUSED. PLEASE HELP

(22 Posts)
Tanya123456 Fri 18-Nov-16 21:30:22

Hi...my bf has gone on a holiday abroad to see his family - mom, dad and bros, etc. Everything was fine up until he got there. He called me when he arrived for 5 mins and then that was it. Day before yesterday I texted him and he replied saying he was sorry but hes been out everyday and has to wait to get home and get wifi access to get on WhatsApp. Today I texted him in the morning, he was online a few times but didn't pick up my message till late in the evening and has not even bothered to reply. I even called him once and he didn't pick up. I am finding it very odd as he would always return my calls, always. I understand hes on holiday but am I expecting too much by expecting a message once in 2 days or a reply to my msg at least. He is on facebook a lot posting stuff, so he does have access to internet. I feel a bit paranoid because he told me before he left that his mom wanted him to go back home and get married, could it be that hes gone ahead with that and that is why he is ignoring me??? I don't know what to think to be honest, its doing my head in. Please advise. I know some of you will say I'm over thinking and over reacting, I probably am, but I'm finding this silence bizarre and weird because he loves talking and he is very communicative.

Happybunny19 Sat 19-Nov-16 00:17:05

How long have you been together? Do you live together? What's normal as far as regular contact between you?

I'm assuming you come from different cultures with the reference to his mum wanting him to come home and get married. Is he fairly traditional and likely to go off and marry someone while he is supposedly in a relationship with you? Need far more detail about your relationship in general to make a proper assessment of your predicament.

goddessofsmallthings Sat 19-Nov-16 00:51:06

How long has he gone on holiday for? How long have you known him, how old is he, and does he come from a culture where parents customarily arrange marriages for their dc?

SparklyMagpie Sat 19-Nov-16 08:44:43

I saw your other thread!

Give the guy a break!! He's on holiday with his family!

He hasn't replied so you now think he could have got married? You are being very paranoid and you're overthinking it massively

Everyone told you to back off a little bit and let him enjoy his holiday, and judging by what you've written in this post you havnt been doing that

You havnt been together that long, so just put the phone down and chill out he'll be home soon, let him enjoy his holiday

TheNaze73 Sat 19-Nov-16 08:50:40

You are being highly irrational & making yourself look like a high maintenance, obsessive weirdo.
Call some friends, go to the gym, get a train somewhere, anything.
Cut the bloke some slack. He's on holiday.

cheekyfunkymonkey Sat 19-Nov-16 08:59:18

Don't try and contact him until he is back. If he doesn't already he will just see you as needy and hard work. If you don't trust him that's a whole bigger issue. If you do trust him then leave him to it.

klassy Sat 19-Nov-16 09:03:13

He's probably got married, yes. Send him some congratulatory flowers right away. wink

Tanya, seriously, are you always this anxious? Have you had any counselling or medical treatment for it? It sounds like you need a bit of help.

Tanya123456 Sat 19-Nov-16 09:40:55

Thank u.all for.your messages. Yes some of u are pretty rude but that's just mumsnet. Now to shed more light into this...some of u might call it snooping but hey I did my homework. I checke his email and guess what everyone has been congratulating him for his engagement which was on Tuesday. And 2nd most disturbing thing is that I read some lawyers letters apparently he is still married here to his ex as he calls her. Right so.im still the weirdo and paranoid am.i?

Tanya123456 Sat 19-Nov-16 09:42:51

Lawyers letters clearly stated them.as husband and wife and when we met he said he has been divorced for 2 years. Not.seprated divorced.

Tanya123456 Sat 19-Nov-16 09:45:10

Oh plus a receipt of a ladies ring in his inbox too a day before he left.

GrabtharsHammer Sat 19-Nov-16 09:47:39

Well that seems fairly cut and dried. You were right to trust your instincts.

Are you ok? Do you live together or have kids with him?

klassy Sat 19-Nov-16 09:48:18

???

Then why are you posting here with vague and rambling messages?

I'd say you have proof (however unethically gained) that he's not exactly loyal to you. Dump him.

And based on your posting style, I'd still stand by something like counselling to help you move on.

Tanya123456 Sat 19-Nov-16 10:16:26

Hi GrabtharsHammer, thanks I am fine, my head was spinning but its all making sense now. No thank god I live on my own and we have no kids together.

Klassy, yes ofcourse I'm dumping him. Hes been texting a lot today oddly but I haven't responded at all and I'm not going to. I feel sorry for his wife who probably has no clue of whats going on.

Thanks for your advice on counselling, i will look in to it.

paulapantsdown Sat 19-Nov-16 10:32:01

Well then he's not your boyfriend then is he! Forgot about him and move on with your life.

SparklyMagpie Sat 19-Nov-16 13:36:20

OK I'll apologise but you obviously had suspicions before he went away, something isn't right.
When did you go snooping?

But tbh it doesn't really matter does it as you have your answer

You didn't really make anything clear in any of your posts so you can't have a go for nobody thinking you wasn't overreacting

Sorry to hear the news but drop it and move on now

whattodowiththepoo Sat 19-Nov-16 17:06:22

"Right so.im still the weirdo and paranoid am.i?"

Yes you are a weirdo.

SausageSoda Sat 19-Nov-16 17:11:33

You seem a nice person whattodo hmm

whattodowiththepoo Sat 19-Nov-16 17:20:46

Making a thread with half of the information you have and then ramming the rest of the information down posters throats in a weird "told you so" way is bloody ridiculous.

Misshewer Sat 19-Nov-16 17:21:46

Get out of there asap. sad smile

SausageSoda Sat 19-Nov-16 17:23:59

I am assuming that the OP didn't know this additional info when she posted yesterday.

SparklyMagpie Sat 19-Nov-16 18:45:22

Atleast you know what you have to do now and leave the relationship

Although, on both threads you NEVER mentioned about this supposed wedding, and nowhere near enough what you've said in your replies or any suspicions, so the majority of replies you've had are based solely on what you've told us before this.

Unfortunately it seems you were right but atleast you can move forward, I think it was a 4 month relationship wasn't it ? Or around that time frame anyway, so atleast it's now than you investing even more of yourself and finding this out

Class it as a dodged bullet and get out of it

Hope you're ok, I'm just still trying to get my head around all of these suspicions you had but never mentioned an then it all turning out to be true? hmm

But yes, good luck and block and delete

SparklyMagpie Sat 19-Nov-16 18:49:50

Actually just going over your posts again....

You've been together a matter of months, how did you get his email password? And how on earth did you get access to his lawyers letters?

Sounds like you never trusted him to begin with, as he's only been gone a matter of days and after a 5 minute phone call, which I would class as normal if I went on holiday not glued to my phone and wanting to enjoy myself, you'd then taken it upon yourself to search through his private emails and private lawyers letters

I'm just not understanding how you got access to all this and did it so quickly after even admitting yourself you could be slightly overreacting hmm

I'm not calling you a troll fwiw, but just seems very quick and quite frightening considering how little time you've been together

But I guess you was right all along...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now