Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Living alone(19 Posts)
I have just split with my partner.. and we had a flat that I got when we 1st got together.. I have never spent one night in my life alone.. and now I'm going to have too,. I'm dreading it.. I'm at my mums ATM but can't stay here forever.. anyone have any tips about how I can do it.. I mean I don't no how to live alone I haven't got a clue
Don't dread it! It's fab!! You will learn to do new things and there is nothing more powerful than being able to be happy in your own company and independant xxx
I moved from my ex's to my own house, it took a while to adjust to being alone and my dsis bet my df I wouldn't last a week by myself, I loved it, my own space to do (and eat) what i liked, you will be great.
There are lots of advantages to living alone.
However, if you find you don't like it, could you get a lodger / flatmate ?
Thank you guys so much for the replies!!
I was thinking about a lodger I just like company I've always been in a relationship so I guess it's time to find out who I am and what I like
Yes hanna exactly!! You will learn so much about yourself. Honestly it will be just fine xxx
Before I moved DH in, I lived alone on & off for years & years - probably as much time on my own as not. It has its' good points, and it has its' iffy points. I love having peace & quiet when I get home from work, so it's heaven for me when DH is on late shifts. DH & I are both used to living on our own, so we are both quite good at eating separately if we don't fancy eating the same thing, and we do have very different culinary tastes! I'm everso slightly dreading when he retires, as he'll be under my feet the whole time
I think that living on your own is an important part of figuring out who you are, and ultimately what you want in a relationship. You can develop your own interests and hobbies, and you don't have to compromise.
The best thing about living on your own is the control element. You can decide how your finances are going to work (if DH wasn't here, I'd abandon the television costs completely, using broadband only), you can decide the things that are important to you and focus on them - so, for instance, with your flat, you could decide whether to save up for some outrageously flamboyant paint and curtains for the living room, or you could decide to save up for that dishwasher you've been getting the envy for. Your decision.
In my case, I left a relationship a number of years ago where I compromised on a lot of things to do with colour. I moved back to my flat with not a great deal of stuff (I had to sleep on a blow up mattress loaned by my mum for a few weeks!). When funds allowed, I went nuts on the Argos website to get stuff like plates, mugs, bowls etc. They were all mad colours, even things like my iron and hoover were bright colours. The whole point was that I did it because I could!
I never really had a problem with the paperwork side of living on my own. The problem I had was more around dealing with other residents who lived in close proximity to me. I really had to develop an attitude of "what I am hearing is real, I am not just a fusspot, you need to sort your bloody noise out". That was insanely difficult - I would literally only complain about things if I had a witness to hand who could back me up as to the impact that others' actions had on my quiet enjoyment. I suspect that were I in a similar situation now, I might not be so timid.
I would not recommend getting a lodger, as they bring a whole host of other issues with them. Mine shat on my cat for a start!
That's what I have started doing!! Every where is going to shine with glitter (I have always been a magpie) and now there is no one to moan!! Your lodger 💩 On your cat?? It's just the thought of what do I do when do I eat or even go too bed.. my beds to big for just me.. but I don't want anyone to share it with me.. I think I just need to woman up!!! See I hate my own company I'm really sociable but now all my friends have family's and husbands and my other group of friends are the nightmare drinking buddies who have got me in so much trouble (when I'm single)
Living alone is great, no more manpiss to clear up on the toilet seats every single day, no more lard to clear off the kitchen walls, no more slopped coffee on the floor. The house is tidy all the time, no more of his socks, pants, sundry shit strewn around on the floor and I can slob out in pyjamas all the time, go to bed when I want, have a tv again - dh wouldn't have one in the house, and I have a lodger, she is fab and we have lots of laughs.
I lived alone for six months between splitting with my ex and getting together with my now-husband, back in 2008. I loved it. I'd always lived with a friend/housemate or partner ever since leaving my parents house to go to university, so being on my own (well, with my two cats) was actually something of a novelty.
To be able to eat what I wanted, go out/come home at whatever time I wanted, watch what I wanted to watch on tv, sleep alone in a big bed, all that stuff. It was great.
I'll be honest though and say I'm someone who likes time to myself. I'm perfectly happy in my own company and I don't need people around me all the time.
Don't worry too much about what it's going to be like, just embrace it and enjoy creating your own space. Good luck.
bikerlou that is soooo true! The cleaning seriously decreases when it's just me.
Hannah with regards to the too big bed situation, starfishing in your own bed with super clean, non sweaty stinky sheets is one of the best things known to woman. I have an electric blanket which heats my bed up all toasty warm and a doddery old cat who sleeps at my feet - not the one the lodger pooped on, she's long gone, bless her! I make my bedroom a haven of cozy just for me (DH & I have separate rooms due to shift work & snorage), it's my lady cave, so's to speak!
With regards to eating. Well, was there anything that your ex DP hated that you'd quite like? I'd go with that for a while. I use a little halogen oven quite a bit to roast a bunch of veg and a bit of turkey when it's just me. Or I steam some salmon, rice & veg. All pretty low maintenance in terms of prep, and good & healthy. A steamer is pretty cheap to get hold of, and you can weigh out just enough rice for yourself - so cooking for one is doable.
This evening, my dinner is a few bottles of beer & a pot noodle. Cos I have had one of those days - and you know what? No bloody shame
I felt the same a couple of years ago. I luved with parents, then with a friend, then with a dp, then back with parents.
I absolutely hated living alone at first, but after a couple of weeks i got into it. Now i honestly can't imagine living with someone!
It's so nice to be in control of everything, when you eat, what you eat, where things go, etc.
Everything is how i want it and i love my little flat. i would recommend booking in a couple of 'mate dates' over the first couple if weeks, so you don't feel isolated.
And enjoy having the furniture you want, the meals you want, the tv on you want, etc!
Been in my own place for just over a month now. It's lonely at times (like you I have always lived with someone) BUT there are plenty of positives:
1. Love having the bed to myself
2. Can eat what I want, when I want
3. House stays cleaner for longer
4. Nobody to moan if I want to watch trash TV or a girlie film
5. Ditto music
6. Everything in the house is mine, all to my taste and arranged how I want it
I could go on!
Also get a HUGE sense of achievement for doing things that previously may have been "the man's job." Like yesterday when I changed the kitchen halogen spotlight bulbs for LED bulbs. Couldn't work out how to get the old bulbs out, googled it and 5 minutes later job done (I may just be easily pleased though!).
Hi Hannah... I just wanted to say that I was in the exact same position as you a year ago, I actually felt physically sick I was so scared about now to live alone. The first week or so was really unsettling and i felt very alone. I also didn't know many people in the area I moved to as I moved for wok. But..... within two weeks I felt much better, within a month I felt genuinely happy and within two months I barely even thought about the fact I lived alone, in fact I started to look forward to the peace and quiet after a long day!
I still live alone (bought a house on my own), and I really miss having someone around. Some nights I get very low about it. But that's because I would like to have a partner, it has nothing to do with being scared of being alone.
My advice would be... just do it and don't think too much. I used to feel scared of getting into bed alone and feeling sad, but you just have to do it. Know you will feel sad, and just do it anyway. Because the day after will be a little better, and the day after that. You might have the odd day when you feel terrible, but generally it will get better and that will only happen by getting on with it. And make arrangements with friends, so for instance, a Saturday... meet a friend for lunch, meet a friend for a cuppa early evening, get home at 7 and have a bath. Watch your favourite tv show or shop online. Go to bed with a good book. Make sure you have a plan for Sunday morning. It gets soooo much easier and actually quite good fun.
And you're not alone. Many people go through this and you will survive I promise xx
Some great posts. I would say that you have to really make an effort to build up your social life if you're on your own and most of your friends are coupled up - join a gym, night classes, meet up etc are all full of people in a similar situation.
There ate a lot of pluses to living alone - I feel sorry for people that have never done it. Enjoy your shiny, glittery haven!
I love living by myself.
Not everyone loves it, but even if it's not your top preference it won't be horrible. Because you will make it nice.
Radio on all the time in the background . Move the furniture around , decorate , change the bedding ??
Oh I've decorated!! It's like glittery paradise!!! It's just the whole knowing how to do it alone.. because I've never had to fend for myself!! I've always had someone here.. but I had the night here on my own.. and ended up ringing my dad to pick me up at 4am.. but it's a start it's daft I know
It's not daft I did the same rang my dad at five am ( he's useless so waste of time ) . Just don't think too far ahead one day at a time , get your self out to a good book shop and get some good reads too that helps . I'm now ten years living alone and now hv a partner and living with him fills me with worry leaving my little lovely home x
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.