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Babys dad wants the stuff back hes bought

(236 Posts)
lexi873 Tue 15-Nov-16 12:52:51

Hi,
Well the subject line says it all really, I am 30weeks pregnant and have had a very on/off turbulent relationship with babys dad.
We split up for good yesterday after he went through my phone and found messages from another man (an old school friend who has his own partner and child) but this was basically the last straw in a very controlling relationship that has seen me stop going out with friends and called names consistently.
Anyway, after this very nasty row the babys dad has screamed that as I text other men, our baby isn't his and he doesn't want anything to do with us, and he wants everything back that hes bought so far.
I have to say that he has paid for almost everything all the clothes, blankets, bottles, steriliser, pram the lot. If he takes it all back I am left with just about nothing for our son.
Things have become even worse today and hes said he'll be at my door at 6pm for all the things, and will kick the door in if he has to, to which I said ill phone the police if I feel threatened and he said "they will give me it all back anyway its my property as I paid for it!"
Is this true? Do I really have to hand over hundreds of pounds worth of stuff he bought for our son that he said hes "going to burn" anyway ?? Surely this cant be allowed as its pure spite.
please help

SpunBodgeSquarepants Tue 15-Nov-16 12:57:21

I think you're just going to have to give it all back and be done with it. My ex did and said exactly the same thing over my engagement ring when we split, pathetic.
Join your local Facebook selling pages, you'll be able to replace all the stuff you need relatively cheaply second hand. Not ideal I know, but better than hanging onto the stuff and dealing with a load of shit from your ex.

Paulat2112 Tue 15-Nov-16 12:59:08

Give it back. It will shut him up. Hopefully he will calm down in a week or so and give it back for baby. But don't take him back, sounds like you are well rid

FeckTheMagicDragon Tue 15-Nov-16 13:00:33

He's threatening to kick your door in. Call the non emergency police and ask for their advice.

c3pu Tue 15-Nov-16 13:01:36

That's total BS, he has absolutely no claim on the stuff whatsoever.

He has no right to ask for gifts back, and he's going to have a very hard time proving that he bought these things for himself and not for you and the baby...

Ignore the git, and once the baby is here open a claim with the CMS.

Trifleorbust Tue 15-Nov-16 13:03:32

Ignore him. He has bought things for his child - they are gifts. He can't break into your house without a criminal penalty, so tell him to sod off.

I take it the baby is his?

libprog Tue 15-Nov-16 13:04:27

Spunbodge how is engagement ring similar to things for a baby?

Milklollies Tue 15-Nov-16 13:06:03

Give it back and never let him have to any contact with your dc/db. Men like that do nothing for their children.

BusterGonad Tue 15-Nov-16 13:06:32

I'm not sure about this one as if you don't give it back it puts you in a physically venerable position, is it worth the stress? I agree that he's a twat for asking for it back but if it puts at risk of physical abuse is it worth holding onto?

SpeakNoWords Tue 15-Nov-16 13:06:37

What he is saying isn't true. The police won't care about the ownership of items like that (it's not a criminal matter) and all they will do is arrest him if he's violent. Keep a record of the threat of violence if you have a text/email/voice message or write it down with the date, time etc.

So, I guess you need to decide if you can deal with not giving him the stuff and calling the police. Or if it's better for you to give it all to him, and hope it stops him bothering you again. You could take the wind out of his sails by having it all boxed up on your front door step when he arrives. Then you don't even need to open the door to him.

SexNamesRFab Tue 15-Nov-16 13:07:00

I second police. Have you got proof of his threat, ie text?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Tue 15-Nov-16 13:07:38

The police wouldn't give the stuff to him. It would be classed as a civil matter and he would do have to take you to a small claims court (where he would get nothing anyway).

I'd phone the non emergency police line tell them he is threatening to kick your door in at 6 and hopefully they can send a car around the area at that time or if you do have to 999 it they will have the situation and your phone number on record.

BusterGonad Tue 15-Nov-16 13:07:57

What can the police do though? They've not seen it or heard him threaten the OP.

Lucked Tue 15-Nov-16 13:08:46

Have you changed the locks? I would agree to calling the police if he arrives, okay they may say he can take it (I doubt it) but better them there supervising. Because it is a such an awful thing to do I would imagine they would say it is a civil action and he has to take you to court by which time baby will be here and proven to be his.

SpotTheDuck Tue 15-Nov-16 13:11:48

The police definitely will not give him anything. If they question ownership, just say he gave the things to you and you now own them. If he really wants to try and get them back, he'll need to go to court and is very unlikely to be able to claim anything.

And have a think about your security at home - can you find a way to film any threats/violence? Eg use your phone out of a window?

Call 101 now to advise your local force about these threats, then if you feel in danger later tonight call 999.

lexi873 Tue 15-Nov-16 13:11:50

Yes the baby is most definitely his lol.
I feel like telling him to sod off as like other posters have said, surely the things he's bought are gifts, contributions to our son.
Hopefully if I tell him that the police wont help him he'll think better of it and not show up.
Thanks all

Soubriquet Tue 15-Nov-16 13:11:52

Call the police now and tell them that he threatening to come round and kick your door in at 6pm

He actually has no right to demand the stuff be given back. The police won't care about it either

It would make life less stressful from that angle to give it back though. Even if you then do stress about money

Are you eligible for the maternity grant? Could you look into that as a way of buying things?

SpeakNoWords Tue 15-Nov-16 13:17:24

Don't communicate anything to him! It'll just feed the situation.

He absolutely cannot make the police take things off you. Even if he can prove he bought them, they're clearly for the baby and in your possession. They are gifts.

I would call the non-emergency police number and explain the threat to damage your property. The police can explain what they will do, and it'll be on record if he shows up and follows through on his threat.

I do think that taking away his power is the best idea, as annoying as it might be. Put all the stuff on the doorstep with a note explaining that you don't want these things any more, and don't even answer the door when he arrives. Don't communicate with him further.

tipsytrifle Tue 15-Nov-16 13:18:57

You absolutely need to phone 101 and ask for advice in advance of any potential appearance by this madman. Emphasise your fear that he might harm you and property. I don't think he's entitled legally to any return of gifts and I wouldn't give him a single thing. Once you do, that sets a precedent. Then he'll be back for any other stuff he's bought for the household/you. Hopefully you don't have any shared assets but in any case I think you're in the clear. You might even consider asking him for rent/b&b if he's lived at yours for any amount of time - but atm that would be a madness of its own and require legal advice. In the first instance ensure that locks are changed, car parked elsewhere etc and talk asap with police.

expatinscotland Tue 15-Nov-16 13:19:42

He has no right to that stuff and he's threatening you with violence. I'd ring the non-emergency number and see what they suggest.

Trifleorbust Tue 15-Nov-16 13:20:48

Tell him he can't have the stuff back (he gave it to you as gifts) but he can have a paternity test. If the baby turns out to not be his, you'll reimburse him. If he turns up at your door and threatens violence, you'll call police so you would advise him not to.

SausageSoda Tue 15-Nov-16 13:22:02

I wouldn't give it back. I wouldn't answer the door and would call the police if I felt threatened when he visited this evening. However I am saying the from the perspective of not knowing how crazy the man is.

What will happen in the future re visitation/maintenance?

sarahsarah76 Tue 15-Nov-16 13:28:31

call 101 and tell them you feel threatened. explain the situation on fb or see if anyone is giving away old baby stuff, people will understand and band together to help you. don't let him put the care of your baby in jeopardy because hes a messed up POS. you can do this, keep strong x

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Tue 15-Nov-16 13:29:35

Sounds like my XP. He actually demanded the toys he'd bought for DS1 back, through his solicitor. To her credit, she told him to grow up.

Definitely call the non emergency police number and inform them of this twat's intentions.

MrsArthurShappey Tue 15-Nov-16 13:32:10

Milklollies has it

Give it back and never let him have to any contact with your dc/db. Men like that do nothing for their children.

Call his bluff. Cut and run! Babies don't need much 'stuff', and what they do need can be picked up very cheap.

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