My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

WWYD?: upcoming 50th and DH

31 replies

DestinyofDisaster · 15/11/2016 06:20

I'll try not to ramble and your advice would be much appreciated :-)

Ok, so it's my 50th in approximately 4 weeks and I have a horrible feeling that DH is going to let me down again. I'm not expecting or indeed wanting a big do, DH knows I'm not really in to all that.

However, we've been together for almost 30 years and he knows in all of that time I've always wanted to visit London and go to the theatre. I had assumed that's what he had planned for my 40th as we had discussed it many times and although he never actually said that was what we were doing, I wrongly presumed. We did in fact have McDonald's watching the xfactor :-| (yes, I was a bit pissed off about it)

So, I'm guessing you've realised my DH isn't very romantic and he can be a bit unthoughtful.

We've joked about it over the years, although he's still aware it's something I want to do and friends of ours have had playful digs at him and told him he better have something nice planned for my 50th. But, I don't think he has and it's actually getting to me. I'd be seriously miffed if he thinks McDonald's and the xfactor will do it for me this time.

I know it probably sounds ridiculous in the grand scale of things but WWYD, should I ask if there's anything planned or just wait and see? I think I might actually LTB if he hasn't planned anything special.

OP posts:
Report
Scooby20 · 15/11/2016 06:25

Tell him what you want to do.

Report
HeddaGarbled · 15/11/2016 06:26

I think that you should find a play you want to go and see, find out if there are any tickets left and then tell him, this is what I want to do for my birthday. 4 weeks is probably too late for popular shows, so you might have to book ahead and do something else on your birthday. You've been together long enough to know that he probably hasn't planned anything, so take the reins and organise it yourself.

Report
NapQueen · 15/11/2016 06:26

I wouldn't wait and see as the potential for disappointment is too great.

Can you be quite forthright with him? "Dh, with my 50th coming up I'd like us to go to London and see a show. Can you please find us a nice hotel and I'll see what shows are on that we both might enjoy? What date works best for you?"

Just take ownership of it.

Or, better still, arrange a weekend theatre trip with a close friend and tell him you are going away!

Report
Bohemond · 15/11/2016 06:26

^This

Report
InfiniteSheldon · 15/11/2016 06:28

I would have already organised something, he's not good at romantic surprises, you already know this why sit around and wait for him to fail.

Report
InfiniteSheldon · 15/11/2016 06:29

Ah cross posted with others didn't mean to sound quite so harsh Flowers

Report
AnyFucker · 15/11/2016 06:32

You are just waiting for more disappointment. Why ?

Decide what you want to do for your 50th and make it happen. Your H must have some good points or you wouldn't still be married to him

I found that I evaluated a lot of things in my life when I was 50 and some stuff that wasn't working for me got removed from it. Just saying.

Report
Thisisacting · 15/11/2016 06:38

You need to tell him clearly what you want. If you still don't think he will do it, book it yourself. I know it's not the same but you know what he is like by now.

Report
80sWaistcoat · 15/11/2016 06:40

Don't set him up to fail. That's not fair.

If you've been together this long he must have other strengths that have kept you together, even if birthday planning isn't one of them. There may even be thing that he does that you don't that keep the relationship moving.

Either tell him exactly what you want and ask him to book it or do it yourself as your birthday treat and invite him along, or even plan it together.

Not my 50 th but this year we went downtown so I could pick out a present and I've booked a table for him, me and some friends at a place I like for my birthday...

Report
ravenmum · 15/11/2016 06:47

So, I'm guessing you've realised my DH isn't very romantic and he can be a bit unthoughtful.
I can't say I got that from the introduction at all. More that he had no clue what you were expecting.

Why have you been waiting 30 years to go to London?

Report
MissMargie · 15/11/2016 06:52

I arranged my 50th and 60th. Amazing foreign hols - DH accompanied me so he was happy too.

Report
Whocansay · 15/11/2016 07:10

Organise something yourself with your friends. Take control and stop being such a martyr.

Report
SandyY2K · 15/11/2016 07:13

Why have you been waiting 30 years to go to London?

My thoughts as well.

I have a friend who was always let down on mother's day, by expecting her DH to take her (and the kids )out to lunch.

He'd leave it till the day and of course nothing was available ... they'd walk into restaurants and they were full. Eventually they ended up in McDonald's a few years, which the kids loved but she was furious.

So she started booking a restaurant herself every year.

Report
Naicehamshop · 15/11/2016 07:24

Agree with everyone else ; take control of this yourself. Don't sit around waiting to be disappointed.

Report
DestinyofDisaster · 15/11/2016 07:55

Thank you for your replies, and apologies in advance because it sounds like I'm drip feeding.
But just to answer a few things. We have discussed it at length, he knows exactly what I want to do. A show was selected that we'd go and see and my best friend/colleague had given me the heads up that I would need to book some time off work a couple of months ago. (DH & BF get on very well).

I'm not in a position where I need to book time off work at the moment. Due to a breast cancer scare last month I took leave to re-evaluate my life. I'd been working long hours and my job was very stressful still times.

I've lost all my family members over the past few years so it's just DH, me & our grown up Dc's now. I have one person that I can genuinely call a BF.

My BF knows what DH is like and has said that she and I should celebrate my 50th together and leave DH sat at home on his iPad but I guess I'm just hoping that he won't let me down again. We've had some problems in the past and perhaps I'm the real problem waiting for the final straw? :-/

OP posts:
Report
BigGreenOlives · 15/11/2016 07:58

Just ask him if he's booked the night away yet. As your birthday is in early December you need to get a move on!

Report
DestinyofDisaster · 15/11/2016 08:02

Sorry, just wanted to add, I have been to London now, about 3 years ago (never previously been) unfortunately no sightseeing involved, just work related meeting / overnight stay and straight home.

I know it probably doesn't sound like it, but I'm not a very needy person. We've never been on holiday, we've had the occasionally meal out but we don't go out iykwim. I'd just like to have my special days acknowledged

OP posts:
Report
HermioneJeanGranger · 15/11/2016 08:59

Why don't you book things yourself? It's obviously not his cup of tea. I don't understand why, if you want to go to London so badly, you don't just...go?

Report
singleandfabulous · 15/11/2016 09:07

Youve never been on holiday in 30 years?

Why?

How do you spend your time off? Do you do anything outside the home as a couple?

Report
LetsAllEatCakes · 15/11/2016 09:20

Ask him what the plans are. If nothing is in motion then you can decide what to do and who with.

Don't frustrate yourself bh seething and wondering until then.

Report
80sWaistcoat · 15/11/2016 09:45

Even more so after reading your update - talk to him. Ask him quite clearly without any room for misunderstanding - "so is there anything planned for my birthday" - if there is ask what it is and if there isn't or you don't like what's planned - you or the two of you organise something.

From the sound of your lives at the moment - X Factor and a McDonalds was probably the Ritz as far as he was concerned. A weekend in London and the theatre would be like 2 weeks in the Caribbean!

You don't sound needy - you are just married to someone who is unlikely to organise suprise birthdays. So organise the thing you want to do...

Report
MotherFuckingChainsaw · 15/11/2016 09:59

I think you do need to say something

I am a little forgetful and self absorbed and frankly crap at remembering to organise stuff like this.

DH has a good technique

'It's my 40th birthday soon Chainsaw. I want you to organise something special for me'

'Ok what do you want'

'I'd like to go to a restaurant in Paris '

'Ok darling '



It would be better not to have to ask, but asking is probably better than sitting seething with resentment.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ravenmum · 15/11/2016 10:33

I'd also say ask him now, so that he still has time to change his plans to something you want if they are not quite up to scratch. You don't have to make him tell you exactly where you are going, just say something like "I'm really excited about my 50th so I am just going to have to check ... don't tell me all the details, but you have cottoned on to the fact that I want to be treated to the theatre in London, right? Otherwise I'm going to organise it myself."

Report
AnyFucker · 15/11/2016 10:40

Never been on holiday ?

Does.Not.Compute.

Report
AnyFucker · 15/11/2016 10:41

BTW, who told you that you "ramble" ?

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.