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Am I being unsupportive?

(6 Posts)
witsender Mon 14-Nov-16 21:16:53

I genuinely don't know what to do.

Dh dislikes his job. He went off with stress for a fortnight last year, at which point he reduced his hours right down. Then he quit to start up self employed. He stayed on at last job a couple.of days a week for a steady cash flow.

He then signed a contract with them for 2 days a week. He was happy with this as it was steady money etc. I know he doesn't love it, and moans about it a lot, but he was happy with the balance it gave him.

Now today he messaged when I was at work and said he was ill, so had gone home. I came home after work, picked up both kids, ran around sorted dinner, took kids out to activity. While there he messaged to say he hadn't been ill, he just couldn't be arsed. I was very hmm and asked what about tomorrow. He said he'd see, might jack it off. I asked what was going on, what were his plans. He said I wasn't helping. I said I wanted him to be happy so we needed to figure this out. He said we didn't need to do anything, he would figure it out.

So I get home, we eat, all very quiet. Try to talk after kids go to bed, he says I'm not being sympathetic. I said I don't know what I'm meant to be sympathetic too, all he has told me is that he couldn't be arsed.

This resulted in him telling me that I should know this means he is struggling. That I have no further right to discuss it, he doesn't want to talk about it and will deal with it. I suggested maybe a docyors appt to talk about excessive tiredness and feelings and he said he would decide, it was nothing to do with me.

That basically he needs me to just back off and not be involved.

I don't know how to deal with this! I don't feel like my attempts at conversation about this are unreasonable, we're a married couple with young kids. Or am.i being unreasonable and unsympathetic? I just don't know.

AnyFucker Mon 14-Nov-16 21:20:10

Sounds like he is opting out

I would insist he visits the gp and gets his MH checked. If he refuses, I would consider he no longer wishes to support his young family and would act accordingly.

witsender Mon 14-Nov-16 21:34:04

That's my worry. He is a worker, he's always working to improve our home, planning, lookimg for clients etc but this particular job has him stymied. He is quite private about his health, and I don't know whether I am being unreasonable to expect him to share more. He says he is going to work tomorrow, and will deal with it.

Penfold007 Mon 14-Nov-16 21:40:53

What is he actively doing to help his mental health and how is the self-employed business going? It does sound as though he's opting out and expecting you to pick up the slack. If he thinks staying at home is the right way to go he needs to start doing the bulk of school pick ups, cooking etc.

TheNaze73 Mon 14-Nov-16 22:52:23

I'm going to sound harsh but, I think he's over egging it

NotTheFordType Mon 14-Nov-16 22:56:30

He is quite private about his health, and I don't know whether I am being unreasonable to expect him to share more.

If you have children together, then his health is important to you (and vice versa) and you should be kept informed of any issues.

What is your gut feeling? Do you think he may be depressed, or do you think he's just opting out of parenting?

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