My marriage ended almost two years ago after discovering stbxh's affair was still ongoing.
I know that I did the right thing by telling him to leave, and I get some comfort from knowing that he didn't want to go, and is still miserable, and regularly hints to come home, but I am so consumed by grief and disbelief that I can't seem to move on from.
It suddenly hit me this week, just how truly pathetic I am. It is hard just now with Christmas, and his birthday, and our anniversary all coming up. But still, it's been two years and I'm no further on, although I put on a good act and nobody would know.
I don't cry every day any more, but it doesn't take much to make me. A lovely memory, the thought of a future plan that now won't happen, a piece of music.
I'm not one to say LTB but when women on here are on the brink of leaving I generally tell them it's the right decision, and I mean it. As sad as I feel now, there's no doubt in my mind that my life would be worse if I'd allowed him to stay. It's the man I thought he was that I miss, and I can't seem to come to terms with the fact that he could do it to me after 30 years together.
Since he went I haven't looked at, or been attracted to another man. I just don't notice them. Everyone is encouraging me to start dating again, but it terrifies me, but I'm only getting older so maybe I do need to think about it.
My life is full and busy. I'm lucky to have a job I love, four children and plenty of friends, so I don't know what else I can do to get better.
He is amicable, no pressure to sell the family home, generous child maintenance and he's working hard to rebuild his relationship with the children.
I don't know why I'm posting really. Just had another sleepless night and now pottering around a quiet house full of self pity, at one time a sleepless night would've meant us both heading off at 5am to find breakfast.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I can't see how I'll ever recover
HappyJanuary · 13/11/2016 06:31
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