Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Son's Birthday and ex

(71 Posts)
pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:29:57

It's my son's birthday this week. He had asked if we could go out for dinner just the two of us. No probs. I asked if he's like his dad to come too but he said no. I explained to ex what was happening, and that he could come round for cake beforehand. Son then decided last minute that he would like his dad there. I invited him. He is saying he'll only come if his wife and baby can come too.

I'm a bit baffled to be honest. We took our son out last year for dinner, and it was fine. We get on ok. I'd rather not sit there with ex and have dinner with him, but it's what our son wants so am happy to oblige. Thing is, if I say no then I'll come across as petty. Ex will undoubtedly make out that I'm being jealous etc.

I would rather it just be his parents there. I guess I'll have to ask him in the morning as it is up to him.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:30:38

I should add that I get on ok with his wife, but I don't really know her. Things were frosty between us in the beginning, but are ok now. We have text about my son in the past when needed, but we've never had an actual proper conversation.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:31:15

I guess I can't really pinpoint why I don't want wife and baby to come, except that I would feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm being selfish. I am happy to spend time with them on another occasion, but not at son's Birthday dinner.

neonrainbow Wed 02-Nov-16 22:32:41

Yeah you're being really selfish.

TheNaze73 Wed 02-Nov-16 22:33:30

I think he has a bloody cheek asking them to tag along. Why do some people need to be connected at the hip? Does my bloody head in

Bubblegum18 Wed 02-Nov-16 22:35:39

Surely seperate birthdays are in order it's very common when parents aren't together. I think Yabu to expect him to come and leave his DW and baby. They can do something seperate

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:41:23

Crap, I appear to have started a few threads in chat. My computed fucked up.

AtSea1979 Wed 02-Nov-16 22:41:38

Agree, take your DS out and let his DF and his family take him out another time.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:43:27

*computer

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:47:24

Ha, thanks neon!

ToastieRoastie Wed 02-Nov-16 22:50:41

No you're not selfish. I went along with my ex's girlfriend coming along to DC birthday day out to keep the peace. It was awkward and I wouldn't do it again. We get on ok but it just wasn't comfortable. My DC picked up on the atmosphere and asked why the girlfriend came.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:52:41

Thanks *Toastie, *nice to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. It's tricky.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 02-Nov-16 22:55:46

I let ex and GF and baby come if they want to because I like GF and the baby is a half sibling. Ex is still a twat but it makes life easier. Usually we do separate things anyway. They do dinner with their side of the family and I do mine. But if it was like 16th/18th birthday or something probably different

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 22:59:57

Bubblegum everyone has different ways of doing things. We have always shared our son's birthday.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 23:02:17

Yeah TheNaze I thought the fact he stated he wouldn't come if they didn't was bloody cheeky. I'm now in a shitty position and don't see how I can say no. If I say no, ds will want to know why his dad can't come.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 02-Nov-16 23:05:52

I think when sibling involved I know my ex wants them all to feel connected because they are siblings and I think he would assume I said no because I didn't approve or something. I know sibling is a baby but for that reason I will probably have sibling in my life too for the next few years (mine are teens) and make the effort for that reason mostly

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 23:08:07

Myusername I guess I just don't understand why now all of a sudden. We usually share ds's bday, so don't understand why not this year. Ds has another half sibling that he is closer to, but won't be seeing on his bday.

martinisandcake Wed 02-Nov-16 23:08:31

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

The new wife is surely playing a part in your sons life now too and his sister, I think you should take this as an opportunity to show your son that you accept his whole family and that there Is no animosity between all the parents.

He has asked that his father come to dinner, perhaps if you had only recently separated this would be appropriate but like it or not your son has more family than just his parents now.

Bubblegum18 Wed 02-Nov-16 23:09:39

Well clearly it's not working now is it? Your DS has another family if you want joint birthdays they need to be apart of it or do them seperately.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 23:10:16

Maybe if he'd said he'd like his wife and baby to be there it would have sounded better. It's the fact he's being a child and not coming unless they come. He even put "understand if not, no probs" at the end of his text. Can't work out if he's the one demanding it, or her.

Bubblegum18 Wed 02-Nov-16 23:12:22

You want his dad there but not the rest of your DS family of course he's going to put his foot down you cannot expect joint celebrations and exclude them ... He's not allowing you to have control over the situation.

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 23:13:16

Bubblegum who's rattled your cage? No need to be snippy.

Bubblegum18 Wed 02-Nov-16 23:14:04

My DS just had his first holy communion of course his DF and DW were invited. I wouldn't dream of excluding her. There's going to more celebrations further down the line that require comparise.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 02-Nov-16 23:14:15

I would probably do what my child wanted to be totally honest with you

pickledparsnip Wed 02-Nov-16 23:14:35

Bubblegum I don't exactly want his dad there. Ds does. There is a difference.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now