My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex DH has really upset me.....

342 replies

Severino · 31/10/2016 22:32

I separated from DH at Christmas time. There was a lot of financial stuff and EA and it's been a tough year (he is nice one minute then vile the next) but definitely the right thing for us all long term.
This week he told me has met someone else. I'm fine with that, pleased actually as maybe he will stop hassling me a bit. But tonight he just sent me a text 'for my own good - for future relationships' saying I should have my Labia cut back as it's such a turn off, men hate it and he wishes he'd told me even before we got married. For some reason this has completely floored me, I feel so upset. Of course I know I'm not the most attractive down there but to me a loving relationship goes way beyond that kind of thing? Maybe it's not as nice for men as a neat one, but surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and no one is perfect and we accept and love our partners for how they are. I would never have a cosmetic operation such as that anyway but I just feel so humiliated that he has spelt it out to me. I actually am not looking for another relationship at all but I feel he has totally sullied the final aspect of the relationship we had. Everything else was crap, now it seems the sex was too.

OP posts:
Report
Myusernameismyusername · 31/10/2016 22:36

That is one of the most cruel things I have seen on here, what a vile man. I really felt for you reading that.

I can honestly promise you that he's just said this to be an utter wanker and there is nothing wrong with you. We are all shapes and sizes who is to say what's wrong and right? Please don't let this bother you - he's a silly pathetic man who can only feel happy when he is being cruel

Flowers

Report
Fibbertigibbet · 31/10/2016 22:37

There is nothing wrong with your labia, but there is everything wrong with his attitude! Someone who is in a loving and respectful relationship with you won't give two shiny shits about what size and shape your labia are, he is horrible and you are well rid.

Report
Toomuchbooty · 31/10/2016 22:39

What a vile man!!

I can say with almost 100% certainty that most men will have seen such things in all shapes and sizes and not bat an eyelid. And although it's a cliche the right man will love you no matter what!

He is obviously a deeply damaged individual to say something like that and the one and only reason he will have done it is to make you feel like he has, don't give him the satisfaction! Flowers

Report
Starlight2345 · 31/10/2016 22:39

Ignore.. it is simply another attempt to lower your self confidence .. I have never considered how my bits look in comparison to other women..

Report
pictish · 31/10/2016 22:40

Fucking hell...just...what a cunt...you know? That's just about as low as it gets. He is still emotionally abusing you.
I hope you didn't respond.

If you do it should be with, "Fuck off. Another message like that and I'll call the police you fucking weirdo."

Report
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 31/10/2016 22:40

That is vile of him. And since when did he know about all men's preferences? He's being an arse. If you ever need to think of only one reason you are well out of this relationship, this is it. Flowers xx

Report
Severino · 31/10/2016 22:40

Thank you so much . That's what I thought too. For some reason it just totally upset me. I needed to hear it is simply him being cruel. If that is what he truly believes then I am even more glad I am shot of him

OP posts:
Report
Myusernameismyusername · 31/10/2016 22:41

See me, I would instantly want to send him some god awful photo of something off the Internet and celebrate my giant labia by making my own tshirts and a website but then I have a very sarcastic sense of humour

Report
FlapsTie · 31/10/2016 22:41

Jesus. I'd be tempted to post a screenshot of it on his FB wall so all his friends can see what a nasty, woman hating cunt he is.

Report
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 31/10/2016 22:42

It's upsetting because it's so nasty, and unecessary.

Report
bluecashmere · 31/10/2016 22:42

He has said this to assert his control and to try and make sure you don't feel comfortable moving on to new sexual partners. It has nothing to do with your anatomy and everything to do with trying to give you a massive head fuck. Don't let him win.

Report
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 31/10/2016 22:43

And I think it's hard to believe someone you were once married to can want to hurt you in this way. Sounds like new woman has really got a prize. Not!

Report
Cherylene · 31/10/2016 22:44

That is so unnecessary that he must have been saving it up. He must be losing his grip.

What a vile man.

You have so done the right thing.

Report
teachergirl2011 · 31/10/2016 22:44

Oh dear god really?? How cruel. I think we all look like chopped liver down there!
What an arse! Ignore him he's trying to have some power over you x

Report
Bluntness100 · 31/10/2016 22:45

Omg, what an absolutely awful thing to text you. There is nothing wrong with you, There is no norm, And it didn't bother him did it, in fact he liked him enough that he married uou and wanted to have sex with you. other men will feel the same.

He's trying to hurt you, and in the cruelest way possible. Text him back he needs to go for penis enlargement surgery for his own good, and have his testicles hiked up a bit as they hang too low for most women's tastes. That you wish you'd said something when you were together, even before you were married.

Report
UnsuccessfullyAdulting · 31/10/2016 22:45

What a fucking horrible piece of shit.
Ignore him. Nasty, vile cunt.
This has made me irrationally angry. OP - genitals are not supposed to be delightful to look at. They are for sexual enjoyment and reproductive purposes. Your ExDh is a proper wanker. And you should ignore the shit out of him or tell him his tiny willy smells of knob cheese

Report
StrawberryMouse · 31/10/2016 22:45

OP there must be something very very wrong with him to send something so cruel and personal in an unsolicited message like that. It reflects entirely on him and not you that he would say these things. Ignore him totally, he is not worth any more of your time and find a man of the world who is not so precious and disturbed by women's bodies. Grin

Report
Longdistance · 31/10/2016 22:45

Tell him you'll get your labia done, if he gets a personality transplant first.

Tell him your labia is none of his fucking business now. But, a fuck off should suffice.

Report
gettingtherequickly · 31/10/2016 22:46

He's a massive, massive bastard.

How dare he? Angry

Deliberately trying to hurt you and make you sensitive to new relationships.

On the plus side you are well rid of him.

Report
StrawberryMouse · 31/10/2016 22:47

I would also be very childishly tempted to reply that you'd had no complaints so far with a Grin.

Report
lizzieoak · 31/10/2016 22:47

There's a certain kind of abuser who, when they meet someone new, feel compelled to tell the first partner how the new one is the best thing since sliced bread. Better in every single way. This is just a particularly hurtful take on that. You are very well rid. What a useless prick.

Report
CocktailQueen · 31/10/2016 22:47

What an absolute cockwomble. So his penis and bollocks are perfect, huh?? No matter what your genitalia look like, he is just being a bastard. Pay no attention at all, op. Just be glad you're free of the nob.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

timelytess · 31/10/2016 22:48

The only reason to amend your labia is that it is causing pain - I read somewhere that some people have real problems with theirs.

Otherwise, anyone who is privileged to get to know your intimate parts should mind their feckin' manners.

Report
LouisvilleLlama · 31/10/2016 22:49

I think that's quite cuntish to be honest OP! I would try not to worry about it but then there was a thread just a couple weeks ago with 100s of replies I think it even went in to classics talking about women dumping guys mostly for their dicks!

Yes your ex and he was abusive just put it down to that!

Report
Severino · 31/10/2016 22:49

I ignored him. He says lots of crap which I ignore but this floored me and I have been sobbing. I don't care one jot about my bits down there, I just can't believe he felt the need to 'help' me so

There is something that I wanted to say to you for years both before and after we were married. Now we have gone our separate ways, would you mind if I did? It is rather personal but I think it will help you greatly in a future relationship
Please do not take offence. Get your lips clipped. It takes about twenty minutes to freeze them and clip them and I don't know any man who likes them; it is really off putting. You must notice them.
Get them clipped, I wish I had said something to you. Men just hate them

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.