Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it normal to think this about DP?

(10 Posts)
Notsure1123 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:47:00

Been with DP 2.5 years, we moved in together earlier this year.

99% of the time I'm happy, and me and DP have a great time. He's wonderful and definitely objectively someone to hold on to.

But sometimes I get little doubts, and find myself wondering whether he is the right person for me forever. My conclusion is always "no, DP IS the right person" and I can usually trace my doubts to times when I'm feeling down or stressed about something, but I worry that I shouldn't even be having these doubts?

For example one doubt might be like 'he doesn't make me laugh as much as he could do', and then I remember than 99% of the time we have a great laugh together but we have been a bit stressed lately and need to just chill out.

Those of you in successful, long term relationships - do you get these worries from time to time? Or does it spell doom?

NarcsBegone Sat 29-Oct-16 21:51:33

I think you can't be relying on someone else for your happiness 100% of the time. Relationships are full of ups a downs and I personally don't believe that things are ever perfect. I would say that if you're having to convince yourself that he's the right person for you a lot of the time then perhaps there may be some issues but whether that is something that needs working on together or individually only you can know.

pallasathena Sat 29-Oct-16 23:02:03

You sound very young. Perhaps you're not really ready for a full on relationship just yet.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying life and having fun while you're young, in fact, the most successful relationships are between people who've explored life and lived a little before settling down.
Listen to any doubts you're having and work out if you're just projecting your stress and anxiety onto him or are you genuinely having second thoughts about the relationship.
Counselling could help or try having a real heart to heart with your partner where you can explore this issue.

Offred Sat 29-Oct-16 23:06:18

You are getting hung up on 'forever'. All that matters is is he the guy for right now and do you want to continue being with him, living with him etc at the moment? Are you happy with the direction the relationship seems to be going?

No-one can possibly ever know if someone is going to be right for them forever.

TheNaze73 Sat 29-Oct-16 23:08:47

You're making the classic mistake of looking too far ahead. You never know what's around the corner.

Just live for today & enjoy

sterlingcooper Sun 30-Oct-16 08:22:23

I don't know if it is how 'most' people think, but I'm the same. I love DP (together 7 years) and he loves me, but he is not 'perfect' - there are certainly things I'd like to change about him if I could! Still, on balance I think I will go on wanting to spend the rest of my life with him, but if a fortune teller said to me 'you'll split up in 10 years time ' I wouldnt feel totally blown away either.

Regardless of whether it is normal to think like this, it is plain to see that loads of marriages and committed relationships do not go the distance. I think I just have a very pragmatic way of looking at things.

Also I can afford to harbour some doubts as I have never wanted to get married or have children. If you want these things, I guess it puts more pressure on finding someone who seems 'perfect'. But does perfect really exist? And even if it did, who is to say that perfection would continue, unchanged, for the rest of your lives?

advancetogo Sun 30-Oct-16 08:45:14

I agree with Naze. If you let the relationship unfold and flourish it will reveal things naturally. Trying to force answers will only get you stuck in a rut.

Notsure1123 Sun 30-Oct-16 10:13:08

Thank you for your advice everyone. I agree maybe I'm stressing too much - I'm only 22 and we moved in together because we wanted to, but I can't deny that finances played a lot into it as well. I think maybe moving in has made it all seem so much more serious and I want to just chill out and enjoy myself more. Time to organise more evenings out with friends I think...

MaisieDotes Sun 30-Oct-16 10:14:50

I only like DH about 30% of the time.

He's perfect for me as I like most other people about 5% of the time grin

birdybirdywoofwoof Sun 30-Oct-16 16:26:44

Maisie grin - so true!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now