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I feel really sad and i don't know what to do

8 replies

RebelSoldier · 29/10/2016 17:48

I've just had an altercation with my ex partner (dad of kids).

We have just separated a few months ago and everything is messy. He doesn't have a home and blames me for not having any money. He says he will see kids in our RENTED family home that I now live in. He moved out about 2+ months ago. He's living with his new girlfriend.

I don't want him to be in my house. One friend and also he said that he needs to see the kids in my house because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He wants to see them every other weekend.

Everything is just a mess. I haven't found a job after being out of it for ages.

I can't commubicate with him. It's too hard. Can't afford mediator. I can't find a job. I've applied for benefits but still completely skint. Car has no MOT etc.

He's said because I'm not sitting down and speaking to him they he won't pay any extras like gas and bills until I get a job.

Came to a head as he refused to leave my house when talking to him wasn't working. I wanted him to leave and he just refused and refused for about 40 minutes. I just wanted him to leave. And now I feel stupi for not being able to sit down and talk to him about days he can see kids but I just can't. There's too much emotional and bitterness. And I don't feel he will be fair at all. He thinks he's being really kind and generous go of maintenance. I had to called 101 as k just WANTWD HIM TK LEAVE.
He was acting alll macho and No. I'll leave when I'm ready. I helped you with rent last month so j deserve to be here. I'm not leaving u too we sort this out. Just digging his heels in and i was getting getting more and more worked up. He was winding me up on purpose. I didn't shout or swear ot anything . Neither did he.

But I feel so alone and lost and confused.

I want to throw all his clothes and electronics and rubbish out but I'm trying to be bigger person.

I feel so lost and sad and keep crying.

I want to try as make things good for kids but it's not working. He spent a lot of afternoon at my house so obviously I wasn't able to do work applications as kids were coming to me and they were making noise rtc and I am so so so so sad.

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ImperialBlether · 29/10/2016 17:52

The friends who are suggesting that are not your friends, OP, and you should be careful what you tell them about your life.

He doesn't pay rent on your home, so he doesn't get to come in it unless you invite him.

Where is he living at the moment?

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category12 · 29/10/2016 18:01

So he's quite happy to have the kids cold and hungry because you can't have a conversation? What a fucking prince of a man.

He and his minion (who is not your friend) are bullying you.

He takes the kids out for access, not at your home. Where he takes them is not your problem.

He doesn't set foot in your house unless invited. He leaves when asked. You were right to call 101 when he refused.

You can sort out access and finance by email or text, he does not need to be at your table, or in your house. If you actually want to do it face to face, do it in a public place, not in your home. Your home is your castle now.

Good luck with the job search.

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PlantpotPookins · 29/10/2016 18:03

OP you have said that he is paying/helping you with the rent etc and that he is staying with his girlfriend. If you can get to the jobcenter/workplace pension place you need to get yourself sorted so they can pay your rent and help you with money, food etc whilst you look for work or otherwise. Then he will have no right to be in the home. However if his name is still on the rent agreement then i think he does have a right to be there so you need to get that sorted too. He can do what lots of Dads do and that is to take the kids to the park, dinner, pictures etc until he finds him self his own flat and not living with his girlfriend. Sort yourself out firstly and the rest will get a bit easier.

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PlantpotPookins · 29/10/2016 18:04

Sorry not workplace pensions, meant Universal Credit.

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RebelSoldier · 29/10/2016 18:14

Sorry it all just happened now and I was panicking hence unclear message. Things were meant to be amicable and I had hoped he could help with top up rent (our house is above max housing benefit that is paid) and bills until I get a full time job and can stand on my own two feet. Not meant to be.

He is using extra money he is giving me as reasons for not having his own place yet etc. but he said if I was reasonable he would be happy to help me financially.

It's all now very antagonistic. Years and years of him being uncaring and now I'm unemployed, lacking experience and skills and permanently stuck with my (lovely) kids. Obviously haven't been able to tackle job applications this half term.

Everything is in his court and I want some power back.

I don't want to be an unreasonable bitch and make my kids wander around in cold seeing their dad though :( he's such a cunt. I hate him so much.

I enabled him to build his career over the years and now he fucks me over like this.

I am penniless and to boot I am not good with money :'( I don't see how I can afford car and extra rent on just JSA & child maintenance. Plus Christmas is coming and I guess I will just have to not have any fun in the holidays.

Sorry I'm moaning. Sorry.

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roverman75 · 29/10/2016 18:23

Who is getting your child benefit? If not you get it sorted asap ,same applies for child tax credits which you will get being on jsa do both by Monday night ,also as he's no longer living with you anymore get your counciltax/housing benefit reassessed ,you may find your ok financially pretty quickly .
As for his behaviour if he isn't on rental agreement he can't come in any contact should be by text or email so records are kept.

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category12 · 29/10/2016 18:27

You can look for a smaller place you can afford, and losing a male adult from the household saves quite a lot from utilities bills and especially food bills. You can learn to be good with money. Budgeting is a skill (moneysavingexpert is a good site to help, for example) . It can be quite satisfying to learn to be in control of your money.

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RebelSoldier · 29/10/2016 22:20

I don't think it's all that easy to nice into a new place when you're on benefits. Even current LL was iffy about it and doesnt want to change tenancy agreement. It's all messy. We are in a small house now and I don't want to have to go Into a flat. I don't want upheaval of moving. I'd rather try and scrape money together or hope for a job quickly. Oh i don't know. I'm sure I'll fall in a gutter and die soon enough anyway.