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My sister and I .... it used to be good...

(5 Posts)
OnlyMe1971 Fri 28-Oct-16 19:58:01

I am here because I don't know where else to turn to.
I am 10 years older than my sister. I have another sister 5 years younger.
We were both bridesmaids at our youngest sister's wedding recently.
I'm in my 40s and have small children. So does my younger sister of 5 years.
We are at different places in our lives than our youngest sister, call her Marie.
Marie is the youngest of 6 siblings. She was always spoiled rotten but this never got to me. Being 10 years younger, she was my real life doll and I loved her to bits. We were extremely close when we were young until I left home at 18 (she was still only 8). We remained close even though I emigrated. In her 20s, she was very selfish, a complete mess and the amount of times I or my parents had to bail her out financially etc. I began to lose a bit of respect for her around this time, thinking by now, she should have some sense. She was earning a (low) salary but still not settling, changing jobs, travelling then borrowing and spending, drinking lots, she still does that (the drinking I mean).
Roll onto her 30s. Still behaving like a primadonna and by now I'm a mother to 3 kids and my tolerance is much lower than it used to be.
Our relationship has not been great for hte past 5 years. I lost a bit more respect when my husband and I visited the city where she lives and on the Sunday when we arrnaged to meet her, she didn't turn up, didn't answer any calls, even though we had put aside the whole (last) morning for her. We went to the aiport and I got a text from her when we were boarding that sorry, she had had a late night and was hungover. My husband was furious especially since we don't get away togehter much and then when we did we gave up a morning to meet her, were really looking forward to it and she didn't even have the respect to let us know that she wasn't coming.
Around that time, she got engaged to a really nice guy. I feel she walks all over him. He runs around after her a bit. I kind of feel sorry for him.
Anyway, she was getting married a year later. There was a whole 6 months of everyone wondering who the bridesmaids would be. I really secretly hoped she would ask my sister and i. We heard from my motehr that she couldn't choose between us and her friends. Eventually last Chrsitmas, she asked us. I feel this was the nail in the coffin. From the moment she asked us, she treated us with disdain. She obviously asked out of obligation and not because she wanted us to be her bridesmaids.
During hte run up the wedding, my sister and I were walking on egg shells the whole time, trying to keep her happy but nothign was good. SHe asked her friends to organise her hen party and didn't want us to have anything to do with that part. In the end her friends had no time, informed us 1 week before the hen party and then we were left with the mess. We came out looking really bad and that was another thing she held against us.
Lastly, on hte day of her wedding, she was utterly horrible to both of us. Then she would turn around and in the very same breath be lovely to her friends and/or our family.
She obviously bitched to her friends about us as they also treated us badly.
That was 6 weeks ago.
We have another family event coming up next weekend and I'm dreading seeing her. I will find it really hard to pretend it's all okay.
There has been little / no contact from her since hte wedding.
My other sister also feels very bad about it all.
But if I confront her, I will still be the worst in the world. No matter what I do, I'm wrong.
So I just want to get it off my chest. She's a manipulator and a liar and I am finding it very hard to deal with the arguing in my head at the moment.

Thanks for reading.

oleoleoleole Fri 28-Oct-16 20:13:11

She sounds spoilt and used to everyone giving her what she wants!

Go to the family event, be polite and let it all go over your head. Be the bigger person, don't stoop to her level. Then keep your distance and only have contact when necessary.

YetAnotherGuy Fri 28-Oct-16 20:31:11

oleoleoleole - excellent advice

OnlyMe1971 Fri 28-Oct-16 21:17:19

Thanks Oleoleoleole, YetAnotherGuy,

You're right. That's exactly what i'm going to do. I just wasn't sure whether to confront her or not. What hurts most is that we used to be so close. She used to look up to me and I know she admired me a lot when we were growing up. I was like a mother to her. Our mum was a bit unstable and I was the stable one always there for her.
She's so manipulative and I'm starting to come to the conclusion that she is a real piece of work. However it's tricky as she has my parents and our other siblings totally wrapped around her finger.
I feel so toxic about it all.
I've never felt so toxic about a sibling before. We are 6 and have always rubbed along together very nicely for the most part. Especially as adults now with our own kids, we are all much closer and the kids get on great.
I"m kind of hoping now that she might have a family of her own and that this might hopefully make her less selfish.
I just can't believe my own sister can be such an utter b**ch.
She even turned to me in tears on her Big Day and told me to tell our sister to stop treating her guests so badly???
I mean, they were so so rude to us, it was incredible.
My mouth actually dropped open during this performance of hers.
Yes, I will be polite.
I am just afraid she will be confrontational. I would love to tell her what a selfish b** she is.

Thanks for reading, I know it was long winded, so I do appreciate it xx

YetAnotherGuy Fri 28-Oct-16 23:44:50

My experience leads me to believe that it is best to act in character

If you don't, it is likely to blow up in your face and you will then be seen as the one in the wrong

It sounds like you have an excellent life with a DH and 3 x DC, and a DS who sounds close to you

It could be that your other DS is envious of what you have and that is the root of the problem. Envy is very common in families

Perhaps you should feel sorry for her - that she does not have your balanced life and world view

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