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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

...and then he vanished

144 replies

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 16:54

Now I have had my fair share of dating experience but this has left me scratching my head thinking WTF!

I'm going to call him Casper. I met Casper 3 months ago on a night out, really unexpected. Anyway long story short we started dating. Saw him once or twice a week, daily texting.... the norm. I thought finally I'd met someone on the same page as me.

Anyway fast forward... weekend before last I saw him twice and during the week we were in contact every day as usual then last weekend came round and he text me to say did I want to come over Saturday to chill out. Sounded perfect to me so we spent a lovely night together, he asked if I was staying the night and I said no because I knew he had an early start on Sunday... no issues. I leave to go home he kissed me goodbye and said drive safely.

Last Sunday I didn't hear from him, which isn't unusual so I text him around 6pm and asked how his day went.... no response, really unusual for him. We are now on Friday and I haven't heard from him since.

Now I know I could text him or call but if I'm honest I'm not one to chase people down, if they want to contact you they will and up until Saturday he had no problem texting me.

I'm left here confused, thinking I've done something wrong but knowing I haven't. I think I've just been dating a coward who cannot communicate with me. Why invite me round on the Saturday if he knew he had reservations about us.

One I will put down to experience but again another guy has chipped away at my already delicate confidence and thinking I'm not good enough.

OP posts:

Report

luckylucky24 · 28/10/2016 16:56

Maybe he didn't get your text?

I would just text again and if you hear nothing then assume he is not interested.

TheNaze73 · 28/10/2016 17:00

Think you've been ghosted

ChuckBiscuits · 28/10/2016 17:04

Did Casper and you play hide the sausage?

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 17:06

He definitely got the text as I sent it via whatsapp. Anyway as I said the week previous he was texting everyday without issue, whether I initiated or not. It's the complete change of mind overnight I will never understand

OP posts:

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 17:07

Haha, we played hide the sausage often... he's definitely not getting anymore

OP posts:

mumofone1234 · 28/10/2016 17:07

Yes, I was wondering if this was once you finally slept together too

adora1 · 28/10/2016 17:08

He's met someone else, got back with an ex?

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 17:11

Getting back with an ex is a possibility, they split a couple of months before we met. If that's the case I just wish he'd had the balls to be honest

OP posts:

mumofone1234 · 28/10/2016 17:29

You need to definitely not contact him again. He does sound like a coward. He's not dead, or in hospital or lost his phone. For whatever reason he currently thinks he can do better (sorry OP, just saying it straight because I know how tempting it is to make excuses for them). If you go no contact he will no doubt be back in time, sniffing around. They all do this. He'll be expecting you to contact him again. When you don't he'll be scratching his head thinking 'this one's different...maybe I made a mistake'

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 17:36

I've deleted his number to stop me obsessing on whatsapp so I can't text him even if I wanted to. If he thinks he can do better than me then good luck to him.

I don't hate him I'm just gutted and disappointed and stupidly miss him

OP posts:

adora1 · 28/10/2016 17:46

men are terrible for this, they just disappear rather than being upfront and honest. OP, take heart, do you really want to be with someone that can be this cruel? No.

80schild · 28/10/2016 17:57

DH did this to me after three months. Not a word for over a week. It turned out he was seriously ill (maybe I won't pass on all the details). When he eventually did call two weeks later I gave him such a bollocking for not letting me know. It wasn't until I saw him I understood how close he had been to death. It might not be what you think it is.

ChequeOff · 28/10/2016 17:59

I've read all of your posts an replies. So he's:

met someone else/got back together with his ex
had a massive change of heart or is overwhelmed and unsure what to do
something has happened that made him physically incapable of picking up the phone

You know it's not 3.
1 is possible. But he should have the decency to let you know.
2 - well, you could hang around and wait for him to communicate whatever he is feeling/thinking when he's ready to. But to be honest, it is quite immature behaviour.

How old is he and do you know how experienced he is in relationships?

ChequeOff · 28/10/2016 18:00

what 80schild said

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 18:08

He's 38 (im 41) so he's old enough to know better. He came out of a 3 year relationship a couple of months before me and before that a 5 year relationship.

I think he's had a change of heart over night and didn't want to be honest and just ignored me hoping I get the message and disappear myself, well he's got what he wanted.... maybe I've let him off too easy.

Still doesn't make sense .....

OP posts:

Hotwaterbottle1 · 28/10/2016 18:15

It would bug me too much, I'd have to contact him just to ask!!

Coconutty · 28/10/2016 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 18:20

Well his number has been deleted. The thought of texting him and for him to ignore me is too much at the moment... he may have blocked me.

OP posts:

f83mx · 28/10/2016 18:25

you've deleted him number after one missed text? Why don't you text and ask him whats up/wrong etc. You can't leave it hanging like this!

Hotwaterbottle1 · 28/10/2016 18:31

You could find the number on your phone bill?

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 18:32

If he wants to text he knows where I am. Didn't stop him before. I deleted his number to stop me obsessing over WhatsApp... the online status is the work of the devil .... I very much doubt he's lost his mobile he's just being an arse

OP posts:

CestLaVie1975 · 28/10/2016 18:34

I did think that but my EE account doesn't have itemised billing

OP posts:

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TessMcNess · 28/10/2016 18:35

You are a role model in how to react to being ghosted Cest

Giselaw · 28/10/2016 18:35

I remember men dissapearing after a few dates, but 3 months of dating and you delete his number after one missed text? God, the dating world has changed. I would honestly worry he was ill / in accident and his phone was crushed into billion pieces before I thought he dumped me. But I suppose if he was, he would have by now contacted you and tell you. I'd get eaten alive out there in the dating world being this naive, wouldn't I.

Hotwaterbottle1 · 28/10/2016 18:39

How about your call log?

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