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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My boyfriend has let his house to an ex

101 replies

widgie · 26/10/2016 23:45

I started a relationship with a single guy I met online and he said that he had planned to rent his house to go travelling . When we got together he said that he would get the house so we could share accommodation and I could see his life and country. (He lives in Bermuda) We had a small misunderstanding and he reverted to letting his house and staying in s small apartment in his stepmothers large house as s base. Six months into the relationship I discover that he did in fact let it to an ex who wants him back . I was distraught but we hobbled along as we have a bond, the ex has since moved out and he now wants to come to the uk to stay with me for a while. However I can't seem to forgive or forget the situation and that's all we argue about. I've been to stay with him in his friends apartment and his poky apartment but I resent the fact that I didn't stay in his house so why should he stay in mine , AIBU

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TwentyCups · 26/10/2016 23:47

Honestly this sounds doomed to failure. You got to visit Bermuda, which you might not have done otherwise, so take that as a plus, and walk away now.

widgie · 26/10/2016 23:53

I need some guidance as my resentment is ruining my relationship

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widgie · 26/10/2016 23:57

he basically said that he rented his house to his sister who moved in a few months after his ex but he never told me about this ex until six months in . They both lived there together for a while.

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NewlySkinnyMe · 27/10/2016 00:00

What's the problem with him renting to an ex?

You had a disagreement and the plans changed. You need tk shake off that resentment.

His ex is not going to be better than you. Don't be jealous of her.

BubbleGumBubble · 27/10/2016 00:04

YABU.

BubbleGumBubble · 27/10/2016 00:05

Oops sorry wrong topic.

goddessofsmallthings · 27/10/2016 03:20

What are you hoping to gain from this relationship in the longer term and what evidence do you have that he actually owns a house or that his ex has left any property he may have rented to her?

In any event, 'hobbling along' doesn't suggest a match made in heaven and it's clear that any 'bond' you imagine you have with this man isn't capable of overcoming the simmering resentment you hold for what is, essentially,, a matter of little or no consequence.

As you've had a trip to Bermuda during which, presumably, you didn't have to pay for accomodation and, most probably, benefitted from having a local showing you the delights of the island, I reckon you're best advised to quit while you're ahead and look to form a less fractious liaison with someone closer to your home.

bloodyteenagers · 27/10/2016 03:26

Some people are mature enough to remain civil with their exes.
Sometimes you get to know someone and think they might be relationship material so ou give it a go. You realise you are better off as mates.

Walk away. Sounds like you think that once a relationship has finished then all contact should be cut.

It doesn't matter if she wants to get back with him. For that to happen requires both of them to feel the same.

widgie · 27/10/2016 06:31

I'm not against being friends with an ex but to have them in your house when u start a new relationship is crossing borders for me especially if they have hopes of getting back together

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FeckinCrutches · 27/10/2016 06:40

Are you sure he even has a house?

widgie · 27/10/2016 06:43

The problem is that six months into the relationship I had a strong bond with him before I found out about the ex and I try to bury it but in the evening after a glass of wine the resentment comes out . We've been together long distance for 8 months now with

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widgie · 27/10/2016 06:45

Yes I've seen it and been around it whilst his sister was away he gets it back in march .

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widgie · 27/10/2016 06:47

In the post office all houses are listed to their owners and he showed me his listing as I too was suspicious

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TheNaze73 · 27/10/2016 07:11

I think this is a load of fuss over nothing. How can you be this insecure about absolutely nothing? The sort of behaviour you're demonstrating will drive most good people away

DorynownotFloundering · 27/10/2016 07:16

Long distance relationships are hard work, need constant communication & frequent visits back & forth for both parties. You say you have known this guy for 8 months? How many times have you been over or him come here? How many actual days have you spent together?

widgie · 27/10/2016 08:55

I've been there twice he's been here once and is wanting to come for a couple of months in total 34days

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widgie · 27/10/2016 08:56

I'm not generally insecure but I feel this has crossed a boundary

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LIZS · 27/10/2016 09:00

I'm confused , is he living in Bermuda and you in UK or is he dividing his time between the two. Where is the house? If you met online and he is still using online dating sites, chances are he has more than one gf on the go and his family sound resigned to him never settling down. Do you really want to spend your time in limbo and wondering? The house is not the issue here. You don't really have a relationship to ruin.

widgie · 27/10/2016 09:00

would any of u be happy to accept it from your partner that he put an ex in his house and put u up in a scruffy apartment and a friends apartment which had a cockroach infestation in it to boot

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widgie · 27/10/2016 09:01

He is living in Bermuda but wants to come and live with me in the uk for some time

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widgie · 27/10/2016 09:02

His house is in Bermuda mine in uk

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widgie · 27/10/2016 09:04

We both came off the dating site simultaneously after a few weeks together

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228agreenend · 27/10/2016 09:04

The ex needed somewhere to live, and your bf needed a tenant. Job done! Some be remain friends with ex's.

You may have a bond with your boyfriend , but I'm not sure whether you have a relationship. If there is this much resentment already, then the relationship is not going tomgomanywhere.

I wondered whether he has more than one long distance gf as well.

widgie · 27/10/2016 09:05

I can't sleep properly and I'm hurting for two months now as I thought we were the real deal

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228agreenend · 27/10/2016 09:06

You said there was a misunderstanding. Maybe the tenancy agreement was made during this confusion, and bf, being a decent fellow, didn't want to back down on his agreement with ex.

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