DH had some issues with alcohol when I met him. He concealed these pretty well at first but as we got serious it became apparent that he has always 'self medicated' with alcohol when life gets tough, sometimes to a very extreme degree (think 'passed out behind the bins at the pub' not tipsy at a wedding.)
It very nearly broke us up in the early days as I told him it was a deal breaker for me. I grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father.
He cried, I cried, he promised to quit, we went for counselling, he had hypnotherapy, a year went by and it seemed like he'd conquered it. We got engaged. We got married. We had DD who is now three years old.
Gradually, as he became more senior at work and life threw its usual curve balls at our little family, the cracks began to show. There were isolated incidences of binge drinking, always during periods of stress. DH is involved in the music industry and plays in bands so there were a few occasions when the wine was flowing and he got 'carried away.' He was always remorseful. I was always upset, angry, reproachful, but ultimately forgiving. After all, it's not illegal to have a few drinks when you're stressed out, right?
This afternoon I came home early unexpectedly and had to go searching through the house to find him. He was in the spare bedroom, which I immediately thought was weird, and gave me such a look of abject guilt, which, along with a powerful whiff of beer (I am bloodhound-like in my sense of smell) immediately told me my fears were realised.
You see, the last time this happened and he drank the Christmas brandy, I told myself that it was his last chance. That if he chose alcohol over his family again, I was kicking him out.
This is a man who has shown himself to be incapable of drinking casually. Even this afternoon, he's had 12 beers. Not two or three. Twelve. And while some of you might think my reaction is a bit extreme, this is also a man who has promised me not to touch alcohol. He's promised it lots of times. How many more chances was I supposed to give him?
He's still drunk right now so he's not really processing or believing what I'm saying. He's in no state to drive but I'm packing him a bag tonight and he can be off first thing tomorrow. I don't know what the future holds for him, or for me and DD or for us as a family. I feel very detached from the situation at present but expect I will get upset soon. Mainly I feel deflated and like the caring, thoughtful husband I thought I had was just an illusion.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
He chose alcohol
AGapInTheMarket · 26/10/2016 11:43
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