I started a thread yesterday night, which some of you will remember.
I have now re-read it, and am in a panic that I might have outed myself, and that the man concerned might read it - so I'm starting this one instead.
I have read all your comments, and am very grateful to you all. I was scared to post yesterday because I thought I would be flamed for being pathetic - so thank you for not making me feel that way.
Several people mentioned counselling. I think this is a good idea, and I will go back to the GP (who, as I said, was very sympathetic) to ask again for a recommendation.
I think that part of my problem is that I had such a long marriage with no affection or warmth that I am at the moment bound to soak up any droplets of love.
The poster who said that I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other is right. And I suppose things have improved in a way. A few months back, I ended up in A&E. I was so desperately unhappy that I didn't know what else to do. I know it's a waste of resources, so please don't flame me for it. I just cried for about four hours. They eventually summoned a Crisis team. I had to pull myself together because I was afraid they would say I was too miserable to look after my DC - which is another reason I was scared of counselling (a fear that I would be deemed unstable and unable to look after them. Despite last night, I am normally pretty sane and responsible!)
I did ring the Samaritans a couple of times, just to cry. They were very helpful, just by being there. I do have a collection of very, very good friends - but I can't ring them at 2 AM. Especially not when I have bored on about this subject all day!
Those of you who said I have to try to build up a life that doesn't revolve around him are quite right. I feel it is impossible, but I know in my head that it isn't. In the same way, I know that I could love someone else one day - though that, too, seems impossible at the moment.
Evenings are the worst. That's when I get chance to dwell on 'why hasn't he rung me' etc. And I know that drinking is not the answer, as it just makes me feel worse after the initial (ten minute) anaesthetic effect.
Thank you, all.
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Relationships
Please be gentle with me, Part 2
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StEthelburgaOfBarking · 25/10/2016 09:11
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