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Talking on the phone before meeting....good or bad?!

(30 Posts)
Donutsonstring Mon 24-Oct-16 22:10:51

I'm really hoping for some positive stories to give me hope!

I've met someone online, all good and he wants to meet but is away for a few weeks. In the interim we have spoken on the phone a couple of times and now inevitably I really like him!

So my question is....does speaking on the phone before meeting make it more or less likely that the chemistry will hold when you finally met?

Honest opinions please!!!

jeaux90 Mon 24-Oct-16 22:28:59

If you don't talk before you meet you would be mad, I mean what if he spoke like Frank Spencer?? grin it's absolutely fine to talk, gives you a good idea whether the conversation easily flows etc and whether it's worth investing in a date. Just don't over invest emotionally ok? (From an experienced OLD)

Donutsonstring Mon 24-Oct-16 22:52:33

Thanks j20. I am completely and utterly over investing but at least I am conscious about it! So hard isn't it!

Donutsonstring Mon 24-Oct-16 22:53:01

OMG jeaux90 not j20 sorry!!!!

LittleOyster Mon 24-Oct-16 22:54:54

More likely the chemistry will hold, IMO.

It's much harder to have a sparky, fun conversation by phone than by text, so if you're achieving that I'd say it's a very positive sign.

Also voices are really important to attraction. Saw a study reported somewhere that suggested that attractive voices often go with attractive faces. It's a predictor of whether you are going to find someone physically appealing when you finally do meet.

ImperialBlether Mon 24-Oct-16 22:55:14

Yes, a voice is really important. Speak on the phone first.

Pigeonpost Mon 24-Oct-16 22:56:16

Fine balance. Before the days of FB/Snapchat/ smartphones I had a protracted telephone/email relationship. He had sent me a photo and I was convinced that when we met we would fall immediately in love and sail away into the sunset. Except the photo was VERY flattering and he had a number of odd quirks which irritated me. He came to stay for the weekend. Was awkward. Next time I kept phone calls to a couple of short ones then a date. And now we're married.

FromTheTree Mon 24-Oct-16 23:00:17

Well you know I think its a great thing to talk on the phone first. I would always do that if I did online dating again. Saves time and energy on pointless rendezvous.

You can tell ALOT about a person from their voice and their conversation

E.g., do you like their voice?
And what are they saying?
A manipulator will always start the manipulation very early on - e.g. overt flattery.

I don't know re chemistry holding OP. It sounds great that you want to meet him! But its early days, so take it slow slow slow.

LIttleTripToHeaven Mon 24-Oct-16 23:09:05

Interesting. I don't speak to anyone on the phone. I don't have a landline and I rarely answer my mobile. Most people know not to call me.

So I'd never speak to anyone on the phone. I had a 10 month relationship and didn't speak on the phone once.

I know some people think it's really important to speak on the phone first, but I can't think of anything worse than speaking to someone before meeting them. Would be weird.

jeaux90 Mon 24-Oct-16 23:09:36

Ha ha no worries, you could also FaceTime etc if you are both feeling like it would be a good step. Just take it slow. Big hug and enjoy! X

brapbrap Mon 24-Oct-16 23:15:23

I spoke to an OLD before meeting him recently. We were getting on SO well. Spoke several times, for an hour at a time and exchanged hundreds of messages before and after meriting

He has completely fucked me over big time. Think he's a lonely man who likes talking to women on the phone

Conversely, another OLD there was no chat before other than a few messages and he seems nice and not mental

Be careful.

brapbrap Mon 24-Oct-16 23:16:47

* before and after meeting

Donutsonstring Mon 24-Oct-16 23:31:45

Thanks so much for all those replies. I am trying so hard to take it slow and also not count any chickens til we actually meet.

I agree it is SO much easier to be sparkly and witty on text rather than on the phone.

I know he is who he says he is because I looked him up (obvs!) but it still could be so different face to face.

I also hardly ever talk on the phone so it feels like much more of an effort.

Roll on the next couple of weeks!

Donutsonstring Mon 24-Oct-16 23:32:50

P.s. brapbrap that sounds awful. Hope you are ok

jeaux90 Mon 24-Oct-16 23:41:13

Yeah brapbrap there are some complete fuckers out there. Hope you are ok x

Tryitonce Tue 25-Oct-16 08:18:22

I hate talking on the phone but I agree it's a good idea. I spoke to one guy who was boring and old-fashioned and another who just spoke about his ex (alarm bells.) Oh and another who I met once and quite liked but he had an evening job as a delivery driver and he called me between every single drop-off, telling me in graphic detail what they had ordered, how much they paid, how long it took, bla bla. By the end of the evening I was exhausted. Never saw him again.

I think it can tell you a lot.

brapbrap Tue 25-Oct-16 10:31:53

I'm still a bit bitter - sorry OP! Hope it works out for you

FromTheTree Tue 25-Oct-16 15:34:39

I think of my friends. The way they speak on the phone says alot (though not all) about who they are. I don't particularly like talking on the phone, but I think one or two chats on the phone says alot and who wants to waste time meeting loads of unsuitable men, its embarrassing, at least it was for me! And it probably works both ways - for them too.

Hellothereitsme Tue 25-Oct-16 17:43:20

You are way over investing and are now emotionally involved in someone you have not met. Why can you not meet for a few weeks. With OLD it isn't real until it happens - there is a thread on here with some rules. Read them. You need to fill your days with other activities and not texting a random - as my teen son would call him:-) good luck OLD is hard work.

Donutsonstring Tue 25-Oct-16 21:06:38

hellothereitsme I know!!! I am totally and utterly over invested!

I've decided that I don't care though, it's nice to be feeling excited about someone and if it works out, it works out, and if not then at least I know I have it in me to get that fluttery feeling again.

Re waiting a few weeks, he has job which takes him away and I've thoroughly checked him out online so I know that all fits smile

Donutsonstring Tue 25-Oct-16 21:07:20

P.s. I love "texting a random" very funny!

daisychain01 Tue 25-Oct-16 21:18:06

DH and I were OLDers, we wound each other up rotten before chatting on the phone - me saying I sounded like Janet Street-Porter and him saying he was Joe Pasquale's twin brother.

Seemed to work out fine, we're celebrating our 10 anniversary in about a month!

PoldarksBreeches Tue 25-Oct-16 21:47:11

I cancelled a first date because the guy phoned me for no reason. I hate phone calls especially with men I don't know well. Horror.

mumonashoestring Tue 25-Oct-16 21:52:30

I met someone online, progressed to phone calls (without which I wouldn't have taken it any further), then meeting... Been together 12 years, married for 6 grin

I definitely wanted to know whether he was as articulate verbally as he was when typing, had a nice voice etc.

1DAD2KIDS Tue 25-Oct-16 23:51:40

Less chance of time wasting. This sounds a bit cold but dating is a little bit a numbers game or a mad search through the jumble to find that one good item. So a phone call tells you if they can hold a conversation, if you like the way you speak to you and give a basic indication of attraction. Thus being able to avoid time, effort and expectation on a date which is going no where

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