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Relationships

Rebuilding relationship with Dad: tips?

2 replies

Clara101 · 21/10/2016 14:30

My relationship with my Dad is still suffering from the fact that after the breakdown of my parents marriage in my mid teens, he quickly moved in with someone who later became his second wife and (in the eyes of my siblings and myself) has prioritised her needs over ours ever since. We have never really got on with her, in part difficult circs in part character. He and I were v close growing up but sadly not really for a long time - our relationship is polite, fairly friendly but ultimately pretty superficial. It has been worn away by the fact that my siblings and I feel she (and her dcs) always come first and that we always have to interact with him and her as a unit because he is so worried about leaving her out. And also probably by the past pains never properly aired.

Over the years I've tried to discuss and resolve these issues with him and failed. I'm having another go at the moment. Any tips about how to move forward with someone who says yes well I made mistakes but hates discussing things more than that? He does tell me he is sad about how things are between us and wd really like them to be better. But his suggestion is just to 'soldier on' and I don't think that will change anything.

Thx for getting this far! Wd love suggestions.

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Myusernameismyusername · 21/10/2016 14:36

Is this my dad? Are you my sister?
Jokes aside I think I have given up. He doesn't want to be reminded of how I feel. He has moved on and expects me to as well.
I Am low contact because over the past 20 years I allowed myself to get more and more upset by his dismissal of me and forcing his new family onto me.

You have to look out for your own best interests. You can try force the issue but I think he is not going to give you what you want sadly :(

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Clara101 · 21/10/2016 15:58

Hello sister, yes I had also pretty much given up for similar reasons.. But have decided to have another go. I think it is q common this question of existing children not getting fully prioritised in a second marriage. For some reason especially if the dad is remarrying. I don't know why.

For me it is quite simple if parents split up they shd both prioritise their kids in future relationship choices. Is that wrong or too simplistic? Wd love wider perspectives... That wd also help with my current qn..

Thx!