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Think marriage might be over, what are our options?

(7 Posts)
Ruddygreattiger2016 Fri 21-Oct-16 12:13:11

Sorry, this might be a bit long.
Married for 17 years with a teenage dd but last couple of years I have felt myself falling out of love with h. I have posted on the Incompetent husband thread as I identified with the poster to give a bit of background.
We did talk a few months ago which ended in an arguement but he did know how unhappy I was and as a result I went to my docs and she put me on antidps. Since that talk he has been doing more cooking etc and has always done his share of childcare so he is trying.
Sad thing is though we had a pretty minor bust up this week and the next day I woke up and admitted to myself I just dont love him anymore. I have done my pleading, crying etc in the past so now I seem to be in a calm, almost cold, state of mind - I just want to get a grip on the practicalities of separating.
We have a house with a mortgage in dhs name only (I am self employed so was told I could not get a mortgage) and ideally I would like him to stay in the house so our dd would keep her bedroom and there would be as little disruption to her as possible. He earns 3 times more than me as I now have 2 part-time jobs that have to fit around school times and dhs shifts.
I was hoping to maybe move into a 2 bedroom place (would have to be rented as I am skint) so dd would have a bedroom at mine aswell.
I am assuming that if childcare is 50/50 there would be no maintenence so how would I manage financially? I have paid between £500- £600 per month into his account towards mortgage, bills etc ever since we got together but if I move out that would have to go on rent.
I am so sorry for my ramble, never thought I would in this position and I am trying to figure out where to start sorting out this mess

KateLivesInEngland Fri 21-Oct-16 12:34:44

I'd get some legal advice. I'm sure, regardless of who's name the house is in, you would be entitled to part of the assets. Especially if he is a much higher earner and you the main child Carer.
I'm in a similar state with my marriage, I'm unhappy & on AntiD's. husband was useless for years and often incredibly unkind. We talked and he's making the effort but it's just too late. We had a second talk but I feel he's not truly listening to me and now I just feel smothered. We have a holiday coming up that the kids are really excited about so I'm going to wait but the ends definitely coming.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 21-Oct-16 13:14:06

Yep - get some legal advice.
You would be entitled to half the assets which means, house, cars, saving, his pension - everything.
You are married so they are marital assets.
He would need to buy you out or something similar.
It's so hard once the love has gone.
Unfortunately these men realise too late.

Ruddygreattiger2016 Fri 21-Oct-16 13:35:19

Thanks so much for the replies, you both totally summed it up - 'its too late' for him to start doing everything and expecting praise when I had to do the past 17 years with zero thanks.
I will book an appointment some local legal advice, god that sounds do scary.
Buying me out might be the best option, doubt he will see it like that but I want it to be as amicable as possible. (My parents divorced and it was absolutely horrendous). Thank youxxx

Hotwaterbottle1 Fri 21-Oct-16 13:37:17

I'm in a similar situation but a bit further along. Go to CAB, they will help you with everything.

Ruddygreattiger2016 Fri 21-Oct-16 14:33:17

Thanks Hotwaterbottle, found details for a CAB not too far away so will get an appointment for after half term.
Did your h know the end was coming or did he seem surprised?

Aw Kate, flowers

Hotwaterbottle1 Wed 26-Oct-16 14:57:51

Sorry realised I did not reply. He had known the end was coming but chose to totally ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening.

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