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Has anyone else had a hideously disgusting divorce?

(15 Posts)
babushka2012 Thu 20-Oct-16 15:14:28

I cannot believe how my life has changed in the last 5 months due to my divorce. My soon to be ex is revolting and has totally changed character. We fight over everything, are vile to each other, hurt each others feelings etc, etc.
Has anyone else has such a train crash of a divorce? All my friends seem to have sailed through theirs!

TheNaze73 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:13:33

Maybe some are good at hiding their true feelings. I don't think (unless the decision was completely mutual) that anyone with an ounce of emotion in them, would say it was totally plain sailing

sweetstemcauli Thu 20-Oct-16 16:36:16

Train crash, I dunno, mine was more like a tsunami. Waves and waves of crap, everything in pieces and months and months of shovelling the mess before starting to build again. I wouldn't give the cunt arsehole the time of day now.

donners312 Thu 20-Oct-16 17:31:35

Train crash doesn't begin to describe it! - what stage are you at? Children?

user1475501383 Thu 20-Oct-16 17:36:21

Yep, I've had one of those.
Officially divorced now (separated 2 years ago) but XH's disgusting behaviour only got worse a year ago, possibly due to the fact I got together with someone else, my new DP.
He stopped all contact between me and DS for 3-4 months - we're currently in court proceedings and he's manipulated a significant number of former mutual friends to give statements against me and my ability to parent.
He even tried to sabotage my business by withholding stock unless I signed the house over to him. Thankfully a strongly worder letter from my solicitor sorted that one out eventually.
Neither I nor my parents & rest of my family ever, ever saw this coming. Not in the slightest! That he could stoop this low.
So, yes, I've had a hideously disgusting divorce. But as much as the negativity is draining, there are upsides. At least you're not living with that bastard any more. And I'm guessing it wasn't plain sailing for you in the marriage either. It seems divorce really brings the worst out in some people, no matter how nice and kind they can successfully appear to the outside world.
Try to limit contact with XH to an absolute minimum. There's just no point having any contact unless over something practical with DCs etc. If you can afford it it's best to sort all practicalities through a solicitor.
flowers

MrTCakes Thu 20-Oct-16 18:49:59

Mine was absolutely awful but if anyone asks about it now I just say it was 'fine' or I make a joke about it.
It gets better Op flowers

babushka2012 Thu 20-Oct-16 21:45:28

We seem to have gone from 20 years of hardly arguing to months and months of poo-slinging! It's unbelievable !!!!!! DC are 19 and 16 and pretty fed up with the entire thing. They are seemingly more mature than we are!

Wondering how to arrange his contact with DS who is autistic without having to speak to the bastard of an ex. Any ideas?

moreslackthanslick Thu 20-Oct-16 21:48:48

Mine was a nightmare. No DC were involved just the fact I'd set up a successful website on my own during our relationship. It took 4 fucking years and was bitter as hell!

Swore I'd never get married again but I did :-)

Hillfarmer Thu 20-Oct-16 22:36:23

Yes. EA Xh treated me like he hated me when he lived with us. It was horrible. So you'd think that divorce from me would be a relief. But me issuing legal proceedings seemed to be utterly unexpected for him - and obviously a total insult. How dare I do that? He spent the next three years being even more obstructive and obnoxious than when we were married. He was outraged that I should finally say 'No,no more'. What a cunt. I finally got my divorce. He is still a shit but, from my point of view, a part time one.

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 21-Oct-16 14:35:12

I'm going through it at the moment. ExH is still in the 3 bedroom family home (that is mortgage-free), I'm struggling to pay the rent on a 2 bedroom flat with our 2 children. He thinks that's absolutely fine, we're going through the courts. Our 6 year old is seeing a counsellor because ExH keeps asking him if he wants to go and live with him etc. Nightmare.

moreslackthanslick Fri 21-Oct-16 14:38:15

Gast wtf?!

How did you end up in this situation financially? Was he abusive?

flowers hope things get a lot easier soon.

Leatherboundanddown Fri 21-Oct-16 14:40:04

Not divorce as I actually called off our wedding previously (where was the rest of my wisdom eh?) but messy, horribly traumatic separation.

Happened July 2014 he still makes my life difficult most days. Sorry you are going through this.

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 21-Oct-16 14:46:33

It's a very long story. Looking back he was emotionally and financially abusive. It got so bad I had a breakdown which is when I asked him to leave. After a week away he announced he was moving back into 'his' house, so I did a runner to my dad's house.

At this point he tried to make out I was an unfit parent and that he had 'long term concerns over my ability to parent our children' despite the fact that 6 months previously he'd agreed to me giving up work to be a full time parent.

I couldn't keep my eldest out of school for too long so in desperation I rented where we're currently living in the hope that he would see I meant it and move out, but he hasn't. He just bleats on about how he can't afford to move anywhere else and that he can't sell the property to give me a lump sum to buy somewhere else because his brother is the co-owner,

It's a fucking nightmare. We only ever communicate through our solicitors. But this week I have approached him to try and talk to him face to face (first time in over a year) to sort it. Don't know if it will do any good but it's worth a try.

MyGastIsFlabbered Tue 25-Oct-16 17:36:06

I killed the thread blush

f83mx Tue 25-Oct-16 19:36:17

^ not personally in this situation but a related family one. Took 7 years to get him out of the house (children grown and gone) because of a reluctance to go through a legal route thinking that it would work out amicably. Best of luck and the fact that you've got solicitors in place is the best thing you can do and you've done it early. Chin up and battle through - gather those people around you who can provide you with emotional support. Good luck x

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