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Shaky - need calm advice

(26 Posts)
TheFear Wed 19-Oct-16 22:56:43

Tonight my husband came home from the pub and went berserk, took my phone, smashed it up and threw it in the garden, pushed and shoved me and screamed at me, called me horrible names.

This is the culmination of a week of anger, name calling and threats.
He's been like this before over the years but has calmed down and hasn't been this aggressive and plain illogical and off the wall, this is different.

I don't want to call the police at this hour, there are kids here in bed and I don't want to frighten or wake them.
What should I do? Should I call the police in the morning? Or go to my local station? I'm not sure what to do, my mind is buzzing.

I'd appreciate if you could help me figure out what next. I do have a landline so I can make some calls in the morning, but I'm supposed to be going to work tomorrow. Ugh.

Please be kind, help me get my head straight so I know what to do in the morning.

I know I've read a hundred threads like this and now I see how so many of us are confused and fearful and lacking in decisiveness.

forumdonkey Wed 19-Oct-16 22:58:56

Please call the police now. 999 it. I've been where you are. Sending you strength

hellsbellsmelons Wed 19-Oct-16 23:00:49

Where is he now?
Sorry but kids in bed or not call 999 right now!!!
Keep him away a keep yourself safe.

AnotherEmma Wed 19-Oct-16 23:01:35

Sorry you're going through this, OP flowers

Didn't your husband wake up the children when he was shouting and being violent? Surely if that didn't wake them, the police are unlikely to?

It sounds like a very serious incident and i think you should report it to the police ASAP, preferably now but if not in the morning.

You could also call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 (lines open 24/7) as they will be able to log the incident, advise on reporting to the police and staying safe, and provide emotional support.

Are you safe now? Is he in the house?

Wanderingraspberry Wed 19-Oct-16 23:05:36

Please call the police tonight.

Whisky2014 Wed 19-Oct-16 23:08:46

His screaming didnt wake the kids? Calling the police at this hour would be the least of my worries

TheFear Wed 19-Oct-16 23:11:01

Kids were in bed in another side of the house, they didn't seem to have heard him as he was mostly outside at the opposite side if you see what I mean.
Yes he's asleep, they are asleep.
He fucking told me that I was abusive as I grabbed him when he was threatening to smash my (work) phone and apparently scraped him and ripped his t shirt. He then blamed me because he cut his hand on the phone glass as he smashed it. Fucking asshole.

I think I might call in sick to work, give myself time to get my head straight in the morning. Although if I am here in the morning he may go off on one again? He usually does the morning and school run. He wouldn't do anything to the kids.
I'm confused. I sound like an idiot.

OvertiredandConfused Wed 19-Oct-16 23:13:58

Please call the police now. I've seen other threads like this where they've managed to not wake the children

OhTheRoses Wed 19-Oct-16 23:14:26

You pack and leave if you have somewhere else to go. If you don't have family or friends, call a women's refuge.

He is abusive. You need to go.

I am so very sorry.


TheFear Wed 19-Oct-16 23:20:31

I don't have anywhere to go at this hour and I don't have any money for a hotel/ B&B until I get paid next week.
I'll call the police in the morning, right now I need some sleep as I haven't slept well the last few nights. Thank you x

ALaughAMinute Wed 19-Oct-16 23:21:56

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

As someone who has just managed to escape an abusive relationship my heart goes out to you.

Tell someone in RL that you're being abused. Log the incident with the police and WA. Make an appointment with a solicitor and divorce the bastard. Sending you strength. flowers

BlackeyedSusan Wed 19-Oct-16 23:27:20

the police are usually very mindful of the victims/ children.

MrsBertBibby Wed 19-Oct-16 23:31:54

Please call the police, now.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Wed 19-Oct-16 23:33:13

Hello OP. The most important thing at this time is you and the children being safe right now.

forumdonkey Wed 19-Oct-16 23:34:09

He will be removed, please call the police now. Many of us have been where you are and understand your fear and dilemma that is why we are saying with hindsight, understanding and experience, please phone now

myfriendnigel Wed 19-Oct-16 23:47:54

The police will attend and will do so with sensitivity and not wake the children up.
You sign sound confident that he won't kick off again in the morning so for that reason I would call them now.

myfriendnigel Wed 19-Oct-16 23:48:21

*dont sound.

Mysecretgarden Wed 19-Oct-16 23:49:06

it always escalate so act now while you can. You can call women's aid 24 hour helpline 0808200247. If you call the police ask for the DV team, they are better at dealing with this kind of situation

AnotherEmma Thu 20-Oct-16 08:06:33

Hi OP, I really hope you're ok this morning. I hope you're taking the day off work and making those calls to Women's Aid and the police. x

Naicehamshop Thu 20-Oct-16 08:42:48

Hope you are ok this morning, op?

TheFear Thu 20-Oct-16 11:00:30

Thanks, didn't sleep for ages, then ended up sleeping in and then it was a scramble to get kids out etc, I haven't called yet I wanted to be calm before I did so.
We're fine - kids are at school, I am at work, he was at home so I decided to come in rather than hang around the house while he is there, I can get a backup phone from IT..
It's surreal really - I am here lying to IT to explain what happened to my phone..

GeekLove Thu 20-Oct-16 11:06:10

I wouldn't lie to IT - maybe tell the manager and HR the situation at home - they will need to keep it confidential.

I wouldn't go back tonight - if you're not safe neither are the kids. Is there anywhere else you can go? EVen a hotel for the night?

Fidelia Thu 20-Oct-16 11:10:53

Can I just say, please go to the police and please get him out of your house.

From experience, I can tell you that your children probably did hear but pretended not to.

AnotherEmma Thu 20-Oct-16 13:17:53

YY I think the police need to be called so he can be removed from the home.

Either that or get a refuge place ASAP so you can take the children there.

Belle0906 Thu 20-Oct-16 13:27:04

Please call the police...I didn't call them after the first angry outburst because I thought it was 'only' pushing and shoving!

He ended up trying to strangle me and suffocate me with a pillow...that was after he had punched me in the face and smashed my head into a wall.

The police take these things very seriously now.

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