I've started this thread countless times but never posted it. I've spent the last few months trawling this board for advice and tips but finally I'm at a point to where I think I need to just get this out.
Dh is brilliant. Brilliant with the dc, total 50/50 of household stuff, doesn't need asking to do stuff just does it, works hard but is supportive of my hobbies and has his own too. We rarely argue and it when it comes to day to day life feels like a team. He's kind and thoughtful and everyone generally looks at him as one of life's good guys.
But (and it's becoming a really big but) whilst that is all wonderful and marvellous we have virtually no physical side to our relationship at all. He never initiates any physical contact in terms of hugs or kisses or anything more. He never says I love you (it is always in response to me) and compliments just don't exist unless prompted. He just doesn't seem to want me in a physical way at all.
I've tried the superficial things - I've lost weight, toned up, taken a bit more pride in my appearance and nothing. We go out together without dc, go away for a weekend break and nothing unless I make the first move. I began to feel like I was pressuring him too much (and he had begun to reject me - he's too tired, doesn't feel like it etc) so I backed off and as a result we haven't had any sexual contact in 6 months. And now I'm at the point where I just don't want to make the first move because I don't want him to respond because he feels he has to. I want him to want to have a physical side to our relationship if that makes sense. I want to feel desired and loved in a way other than as dm.
Dont get me wrong - this is not an unhappy house - there is a lot of love and affection to the dc (they adore him) and there is warmth and friendship between us. But I can't help thinking that he just isn't interested in me beyond this anymore. The tipping point was i had a really radical change in appearance this week and he didn't even notice. Such a stupid, little, ultimately insignificant thing that really upset me because it just totally encompasses what we've become.
I can't suggest counselling because I know he will point blank refuse to go. (We can talk about anything but this) But that leaves me thinking is this it? Maybe I am expecting too much. The dc are little ish bit the sleepless nights are way behind us now . Is this just how marriages end up after 10 years? Maybe this is normal and what real life looks like.
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Am I just expecting too much?
20 replies
somethinglikethis · 18/10/2016 16:04
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