Bit of background, been with DH 16 years, married for 7. Already have DS 4 and now a DD 3 months. I'm just feeling a bit like our relationship has been falling apart since DD was born. I know things change and did suffer when DS was born with a lot of anxiety and to some degree depression - we went to marriage counselling as I found out something my DH had done (not cheating as such but as close as) and it completely broke my trust in him. Anyway after CBT treatment for me things were back to normal and we decided to try for baby number 2.
I had quite a rough birth and wasn't well for the first 2 weeks really. My DH in the main was great but he has a volition temper and snaps at little things, even in hospital when I asked him to get me a cup of tea to take my pain killers with! I was upset too when he put his DM before me 4 days after birth and left me for a few hours on my own with baby despite me being unable to hardly move.
After a few weeks he vacant really pushy to have sex again despite me telling him I didn't want to and wasn't up to it. I eventually gave in after 4 weeks much to my own pain and which was obvious to him, he just wanted to satisfy himself and that keeps playing on my mind and I'm so angry with him for not putting me first. He constantly pesters for sex despite me being exhausted and it feels so selfish despite him turning it around as 'I find you so attractive' 'I love you' etc. It feels like emotional blackmail!
He works long hours but whe he gets home if things haven't been done, hoovering, empty dishwasher etc he goes round in a strop doing the chores with no questions as to how my day has been, how I'm feeling, how I'm managing with two and a school run!
He's constantly making me feel inadequate in terms of how I'm dealing with two kids and sorting house as 'I'm off work'. I do night feeds although he lets me have one night off normally on a Friday night although he is always shattered on a Saturday but doesn't not seem to relate the two when I made a jokey comment of 'welcome to my world!'. He just doesn't understand or appreciate the hard work two kids are and that I'm still adjusting and settling in to a routine. He constantly tells me how good I've got it with him and always makes me feel that he's in the right and I'm always wrong so can't bring up my arguments about him as I'd be knocked down by being wrong. He has an answer for everything! If I say how I don't want to have sex hell turn it round that I should see it as a compliment. I say he doesn't appreciate what I do and I'd like time to myself and he says he'll take kids to his mums but he's not getting an understanding of what it's like with two, running errands, school run, popping to shops. He just sees them get in and out the car then his mum will take over!
Sorry for the long rant, I don't even know what question I'm asking for a response to. I'm just feeling constantly angry with him, I don't want any affection as I know he always wants it to lead to more. I don't even know if I'm struggling to love him like I used to, or maybe I'm just too tired and exhausted to even think about it! I don't know but I'm just so worried this is the start of the end of us, and I really don't want it to be. He does genuinely have good qualities too and I can't imagine being with anyone else, I don't want to but I just don't know how to make him see my side of things without him blowing up to a massive argument
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Relationships
Relationship with DH post baby!
21 replies
Stopprodingme · 17/10/2016 08:42
OP posts:
0dfod ·
17/10/2016 12:43
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