Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Constantly breaking up

(18 Posts)
Anonymoususer1938 Mon 17-Oct-16 08:24:10

I've been in a long on and off relationship with a person who has broken up with me more times then I care to remember and always for vague and unclear reasons. They then get back in touch sometime later and I take them back. There's nobody else involved. I'm not perfect but I don't deserve this. Has anyone else experienced this and if so how do I break free even though I love this person and miss them terribly during our breaks. I'm old enough to know better.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 17-Oct-16 08:29:31

You know what you need to do.
Let him go.
Block, ignore, delete.
It's hard but you've said yourself but I don't deserve this
So why put yourself through it?
Only you know the answer to this.
Only you can put a stop to it.

jeaux90 Mon 17-Oct-16 08:31:19

Yep and the only way forward is out. The way to move forward is to believe you deserve better, really why do you love someone who treats you like crap. You clearly deserve better, believe it. Big hug xxx

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 17-Oct-16 08:32:07

No contact. It will give you the space to recover and get out from under their spell.

Block them on phone, email, and social media.

Then fill your calendar with hobbies, outings, and time with solid friends.

Time and distance heals. It's just a matter of going cold turkey, and powering through the withdrawal symptoms.

You are strong enough to stay away.

SaggyNaggy Mon 17-Oct-16 08:41:20

You love this person?
Why?

Do you love the drama? The being picked up and opped? The fact hey don't loved ypou? Do you love being used? Do you just love the angst and the reason to moan? What could you possibly love about this situation?

Block / delete / ignore.

If a person loved you, he'd be with you, not see you as a someone part time.

Anonymoususer1938 Mon 17-Oct-16 09:37:48

Don't assume it's a man. I've purposefully not said which gender or sexuality i am.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 17-Oct-16 09:41:27

I might have put 'him' in my post but my advice is exactly the same whether you are a man or woman or in a same sex 'relationship'!

SaggyNaggy Mon 17-Oct-16 09:45:38

I've purposefully not said which gender or sexuality i am.

Why?
What possible reason is there to hide it? Do you think the MN hive mind would give different responses if ypu revealed them? Ridiculous.

My stance, no matter what is between peoples legs, is exactly the same.
A partner should make you happy and add to the quality of life. If they don't, they shouldn't be your partner.

Your 'on and off' partner, and I could not give a flying shot what gender, sex, sexuality, species, they are, is not adding to your life, if they were, you wouldn't be here asking advice.
All they are doing is playing games, messing you around, wasting time you could be spending woith someone that actually wants to be with you.

SaggyNaggy Mon 17-Oct-16 09:46:49

Its also telling, IMO, that out of all the comments, the one you respond to is the most insignificant.

forumdonkey Mon 17-Oct-16 10:44:20

I know how you feel. I have this with someone I really love. Every so often they just disappear. I suspect it's a pattern from dysfunctional head fuck relationships since ours. I just carry on with life. I also walk away from the drama if there is a hint that it's going that way. It's a shame he acts like he does because when it's not its amazing.

whimsical1975 Mon 17-Oct-16 11:09:40

I agree Saggy! OP, why on earth does it matter that 'he' was mentioned??? Totally insignificant!

pocketsaviour Mon 17-Oct-16 11:13:45

Dear non-gender-specific OP,

You are experiencing limerence towards your non-gender-specific abusive manipulator.

This thread may help:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2414204-Does-anyone-know-much-about-limerence-or-ever-experienced-it

Isetan Mon 17-Oct-16 11:27:42

Actions speak louder than words and your actions don't scream 'I don't deserve this'. What is your internal dialogue that makes being available to be 'picked up' time after time ok?

To change your behaviour you first need to understand its origins. Who or what taught you that you don't deserve better this?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 17-Oct-16 13:39:09

Don't wait to be dumped this time. Dump him/her first. Preferably for vague reasons.

CharminglyGawky Mon 17-Oct-16 14:04:50

They are messing you around, doesn't matter what gender they are both can mess people around. They won't stop, if you want it to stop I think you need to get out yourself.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 17-Oct-16 14:12:09

What did you yourself learn about relationships when growing up?. Consider that question carefully.

Let this go now before you feel even worse as a result. Great highs and deep lows are always bad news in a relationship. Its been on and off for many reasons; you two are fundamentally incompatible.

Are you the fallback to this Unavailable Person?.

Are you addicted to the drama?.

Anonymoususer1938 Fri 21-Oct-16 09:53:54

I didn't want to reveal my or ex partner's gender because I sometimes feel that there are people who use this forum who basically always take the woman's side and this doesn't give an impartial opinion.
With regards to my break up in the past it has always been my ex who broke things off. I think they had their reasons but they always seemed like strange or trivial ones and I just came to conclusion they weren't really that into me. Then they'd come back into my life and I'd take them back because I was still in love. Stupid I know, but there you go. On this occasion I'd been unhappy for a while (probably because of our history) so it all came to a head with an argument after they'd messed me about and I said I'd had enough. A week later I felt a bit bad and sent a message asking how they were and I got no response. And now, inevitably, I'm feeling like maybe I handled it all badly and that maybe I'm the one wrong.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 21-Oct-16 10:33:40

No you aren't wrong.
Make the break permanent.
Block, ignore and delete.
Move on and find someone who won't keep breaking up with you.
Your Ex is just not that into you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now