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Opening up to friends V. boring them with your moaning

(10 Posts)
ravenmum Sun 16-Oct-16 22:26:21

I was talking to a friend about someone we met who recently split up with his cheating wife. She commented that he was really sad, and that this was of course different from me, as I had known something was wrong with my marriage so it didn't come as such a shock. In other words she doesn't think I was that upset.

It couldn't be further from the truth. My ex treated me like crap for almost a year until I was nervous wreck, then I found his email password and was sickened to see how horribly he had betrayed my trust for several years and lied about me to our friends. By then he'd convinced me it was my fault for being a bitch. I was depressed and had obsessive thoughts of how I could die. I had therapy which brought up a load of childhood crap and was on antidepressants.

But I couldn't say any of this to my friend at the time. My heart raced just admitting what my ex had done. I was brought up not to cry as it is "attention seeking" according to my mother, and I find it acutely embarrassing talking about or showing my feelings. I am working on opening up more but it is not easy. I am partly afraid of sounding bitter and boring and putting people off of being with me.

Still, I did describe some of the things my ex did ... shouldn't she guess that it might have been just as hard for me as it is for this man?

Is anyone else as crap as me at admitting their feelings? I feel a bit like an alien trying to fit in among human beings tonight.

ravenmum Sun 16-Oct-16 22:34:27

Should add that the therapy and ADs were useful and I feel much better now - just wondering quite how smug or cold hearted I must come across as if people didn't even think I was unhappy.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Mon 17-Oct-16 08:49:08

Sounds like your 'friend' is a massive bell end if she's trying to belittle your feelings on this or compare you to someone else.

We all have our own way of dealing with things, doesn't make you cold hearted or smug, kids self contained.

Do you have other more understating friends with whom you could talk it over? Sadly there are lots of people on here who have been through similar and could totally empathise with you!

flowers brew and even though it's only breakfast time cake

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Mon 17-Oct-16 08:49:32

Kids = just!

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Mon 17-Oct-16 08:50:38

Understating = understanding.

Hate this phone!!

deplorabelle Mon 17-Oct-16 19:08:40

Sounds like it says more about your 'friend' than anything else. My money is on she fancies newly separated man and fancies mending his broken heart

ravenmum Mon 17-Oct-16 20:41:12

He has been quite open about his feelings, and admittedly the friend does pay more attention to men than to women generally. But I am a bit crap at speaking up about myself - tend to say nothing or turn it into a joke to make things less awkward. Split up early last year but have only recently admitted it to old school friends in the form of a FB joke about Brangelina. Could come across as pretty hard hearted....

ravenmum Mon 17-Oct-16 20:43:01

Thanks for the cake. Maybe I just need more cake.

Northernparent68 Mon 17-Oct-16 22:28:18

Maybe your friend was insensitive but please do not fall out with her, I doubt she meant anything by it, she probably does not know what you went through.

ravenmum Tue 18-Oct-16 06:33:37

I don't want to fall out with her as I have only just started making any closish friends here after years of what I realise now might have been mild depression. She can be a bit quick to make assumptions but I have my flaws too. And no, she has no clue what I went through, partly as I can't bring myself to open up ever. That's what is frustrating me now.

How much do 'normal' people even open up to their friends? I've always been quite private and always regretted it!

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