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DH has me worried

(109 Posts)
Okwhat Sun 16-Oct-16 20:28:32

I am a regular but NC as I don't want this linked.

I'm not sure if this is in the right place but I'm slightly freaked out at the moment.

DH and myself were watching tv and were kissing, I told him I don't want sex and he said ok. Carried on kissing (you know that way that's leading up to it) so I stopped and decided to go chill out in bed as I'm up early.

He followed me and kissed me again, pinning me against the wall and groping me. I moved his hands away several times and told him I'm going. I moved away from him and headed towards the bedroom.

Then he followed me into the hall and was more aggressive. Kissing me, aggressively almost, groping me and trying to pull my trousers down slightly with one hand and other hand was near my neck. I pushed his hand away (where he was at my trousers) and he pushed me back till we bumped into a cupboard. And he moved his other hand to my throat a little tight whilst whispering what he wanted and rubbing the outside of my trousers.

I tried to push him away but he's a lot stronger/bigger than me. I feigned hearing DD so I bent to pick my bag up and he tried to pull my trousers down at the back. I grabbed bag and went to bedroom. (I co sleep with DD and DH sleeps in separate room).

Feel a bit odd to be honest. That's not like him but his behaviour has made me nervous.

Don't know why im posting really.

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Oct-16 20:31:42

Ugh, that's horrible. You poor thing.

Cocoabutton Sun 16-Oct-16 20:32:11

You are posting because he did not take no for an answer and continued up the stairs sexually assaulting you until you got away.

flowers I don't know what else to say really. I am sorry.

AuditAngel Sun 16-Oct-16 20:33:19

You're obviously posting because you are unhappy with his behaviour.

Do you have any idea why he may have done this? Has he behaved like this before?

Cabrinha Sun 16-Oct-16 20:41:26

Only slightly freaked out, when your husband sexually assaulted you? angrysad
You poor thing flowers

Okwhat Sun 16-Oct-16 20:49:26

He's done it a couple of times in the past but just pass it off as him being horny and trying to change my mind which to be honest has worked on more than one occasion. Not like this though. This was insistent.

We've been together 6 years and any other time I've said no or stop now he's done so straight away.

I actually feel quite confused.

Okwhat Sun 16-Oct-16 20:52:39

I'm going to try and sleep, I'm up early with DD. My throat is hurting a little though.

Sorry for posting. Just bit confused/worried.

Naicehamshop Sun 16-Oct-16 20:52:59

Really vile behaviour. sad

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 16-Oct-16 20:55:00

Go nuts at him. Really make him understand how totally fucking unacceptable this was. I wouldn't wait until morning, assuming this is totally out of character like you say and you are not afraid of him raping you this evening.

Naicehamshop Sun 16-Oct-16 20:55:01

You don't have to say sorry op! You have done absolutely nothing wrong - he sounds absolutely awful.

Thinking of you. flowers

Happybunny19 Sun 16-Oct-16 20:59:37

Has this just happened? You really need to talk to him NOW and tell him how much it freaked you out. It was probably a bloody awful way of trying to get you in the mood that massively backfired, but you need to let him know it's unacceptable and mustn't ever happen again. You must be really shaken up, he's really broken the trust you should have in your partner.

MyWineTime Sun 16-Oct-16 21:29:25

It's not like him but he's done it a few times before.

This is extremely worrying. He doesn't take any notice when you say no. That makes it assault.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that. I don't think men like that change their attitudes.

Iamthinking Sun 16-Oct-16 21:40:43

Do you feel scared now? Are you effectively hiding in dd's room?

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 16-Oct-16 21:45:45

That's assault sad You poor thing, no wonder you're worried.

You said no and he still thought it was okay to carry on, push you up against the wall, push his hand down your trousers and put his hand on your throat.

That's horrendous behaviour. I rarely say this, but LTB. He assaulted you.

twattymctwatterson Sun 16-Oct-16 22:06:47

He assaulted you. He pesters you for sex and tries to change your mind when you say no. What happens if you don't change your mind? Is he huffy? Honestly OP it sounds like he's sexually abusive.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:11:44

Not backing up his case but maybe the separate rooms is starting to affect his behaviour regarding a healthy relationship.

Okwhat Sun 16-Oct-16 22:13:07

If I don't change my mind he's ok, just gives me cuddles.

A few times during sex I've asked him to stop due to pain (not because of him) and he's always stopped right away.

Tried to sleep but can't fall asleep.

Not hiding in her room, we co sleep so this is no different to any other night

Iamthinking Sun 16-Oct-16 22:42:50

I can't tell if you are scared or not. Do you think you could have it out with him now? Go through and make it clear how upsetting you have found it?

Unicornsandrainbows3 Sun 16-Oct-16 23:07:43

He put enough pressure on you physically that your throat still hurts? That's assault as is the other stuff. I'm so, so sorry. You say he's done it before and he is obviously escalating. Please consider reporting him and LTB.

TheoriginalLEM Sun 16-Oct-16 23:16:34

don't have it out with him now.

wait until you have thought about what you want to happen and tell him.

tell him that no means no and that if it happens again its a deal breaker.

There is a big difference in someone being persuasive and not getting the message at first and someone who is clearly disregarding what it is you want or do not want.

There is no room for ambiguity, no means no and that is final. Although you actually shouldn't be put in the position where you need to be blunt in the first place.

twattymctwatterson Sun 16-Oct-16 23:17:59

OP had your partner been violent to you in any other way everyone would be unanimous in telling you to call the police and get away. Sexual assault really shouldn't be any different.

MyWineTime Mon 17-Oct-16 08:45:20

On the previous occasions when he has done this, have you spoken to him about it afterwards?

Sugarpiehoneyeye Mon 17-Oct-16 09:13:31

You poor love, thank goodness your daughter was upstairs.
How is your neck ?
If it's bruised in the morning, take some pictures, on your phone.
You must be feeling very confused.
Speak calmly to him in the morning. Can you confide in anyone, Sister/best friend maybe ?
His behaviour is scary and unacceptable.
Someone in the know, will be along soon. 💐

memyselfandaye Mon 17-Oct-16 09:21:05

Ask him how he would feel in years to come if his daughter told him a man had tried to force her into sex and wrapped his hand around her throat.

Fwiw what happened to you last night would be enough for me to divorce him and go to the police.

Okwhat Mon 17-Oct-16 09:34:42

I've just spoken to him and he apologised for the way he was, he thought I was just 'playing'

I told him that me moving away from him 2 times and telling him I don't want to didn't mean carry on and doesn't mean I was playing. I told him he scared me and both times I didn't think he was going to stop.

He was cuddle me thorough out us talking but I wouldn't reciprocate.

When I moved away from him he had an erection. I told him it's extremely worrying that I tell him he frightened me and hurt me and now he's got a hard on.

He then told me 'it's just being around you that makes me like this, I can't help it'. I told him that's BS.

Couldn't look him in the eye.

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