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No way out?

(11 Posts)
puppyfriend Sun 16-Oct-16 19:14:25

I have name changed.

I haven't had a conversation with my husband (of 16 years) in months.

He rarely talks to me, except to ask a question or answer a question.

He is a wonderful dad who has long conversations with our young teen.

In the last three years, we have had sex four times - always instigated by me.

He never hugs me or touches me or talks to me.

In the meantime, I have fallen in love with a male friend. Over the last few months, we have had a kiss but nothing more.

Obviously, I can't go on like this.

I am very unhappy in my marriage.

It doesn't help that he snores like a warthog all night and keeps me awake -I'm sleeping (or not) next to a man who doesn't have any interest in me.

Leaving him would break our child's heart and shock our families, but the thought of being trapped in a marriage with him for the rest of my life is unbearable.

I've tried to talk to him. It makes no difference.

I have no idea what to do...

Unrequitedlove Sun 16-Oct-16 19:20:51

There is ALWAYS a way out. It may seem impossible now..
you get one life.. making a free half hour appointment with a few solicitors is the first step. He probably feels the same but is in denial. Your child will adjust and would prefer he/she had 2 happy parents.

AnyFucker Sun 16-Oct-16 19:28:10

Divorce him.

I don't see any other alternative. He will still be a father to his child.

marblefireplace Sun 16-Oct-16 19:31:00

It sounds miserable for you both. You can leave and likely you will both end up happier.

It takes strength, but you can and should.

Optimist1 Sun 16-Oct-16 19:33:39

Yes, Unrequited is right - there is always a way out.

My only advice is that you don't include your new male friend in your plans; he may or may not still be around if you decide to leave your husband, but either way you shouldn't include him in your thought process.

If you feel that you've done everything possible to salvage the relationship with your husband then it's time to call it a day. Your child will have been aware of the lack of warmth between you so it probably won't come as a huge surprise if you decide to end the marriage.

MatildaTheCat Sun 16-Oct-16 19:33:45

Children have to accept the status quo they are presented with: unhappy parents who live together or sensibly separated parents who ensure they continue to have a great childhood. Sadly your child will ( depending on age and ability to articulate) notice the fact that you don't speak, have fun together or, in fact, love one another.

Discuss and plan a civilised separation if you think that is possible. If not then plan an exit and see a solicitor ( either way).

Stop seeing the other man until you are single. An affair never covers one in any kind of glory no matter how justified it may feel.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 16-Oct-16 19:34:16

He's not a wonderful dad if he's showing him/her that this is how relationships should be. Do you want them to repeat this behaviour or accept it from their partner?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 16-Oct-16 19:54:29

There is always a way out of a bad marriage.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours has he met here?. It is hard to leave I grant you but what is there really to be gained by staying?. One day this young person will leave home and sooner rather than later as well.

It would not break your child's heart either; you cannot assume that at all of that person. That young person likely knows all too well that his/her parents marriage is imploding in front of their very eyes and would therefore rather see you now apart and happier. What you are showing this person is really miserable and a shocking example of a relationship. You want to show your child that a loveless relationship is their norm as well?.

He is not a wonderful dad to his child if he treats you as their mother like this. Women in poor relationships often write the "good dad" comment when they can think of nothing positive themselves to write about their man. As again is the case here.

You cannot afford to show your young teen that yes, this is how people treat each other in relationships. Its a damaging legacy to leave him/her.

puppyfriend Sun 16-Oct-16 20:18:13

Thanks to all of you - your comments have made me realise that I do have a way out.

It won't be easy, but I can't spend the rest of my life feeling very unhappy.

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Oct-16 20:27:35

I wouldn't be surprised if he's seeing someone else, to be honest. His absolute lack of interest does indicate something else going on.

puppyfriend Mon 17-Oct-16 01:18:22

Thanks so much - you've all been so helpful.

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