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Issues with my dm

(20 Posts)
janethegirl2 Sat 15-Oct-16 22:46:10

Am I being unrealistic when my dsis thinks our DM needs extra care and she wants the local council to fill in dm's form for this? She has got a good pension, so I can't see where my dsis is coming from. I am perfectly aware I may be totally unreasonable about this, but I'd be pleased to see what others think.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 15-Oct-16 22:51:52

I think you need to elaborate on what care your mother has and why your sister thinks she needs more and Why it's an issue to involve the council

janethegirl2 Sat 15-Oct-16 22:55:43

Cos she can't be arsed to fill in the form that she thinks needs to be filled in for mum to get the care that my dsis thinks she needs. However my DM has had carers in, and has told them to go away, so it's not going to work anyway!

janethegirl2 Sat 15-Oct-16 22:57:48

My dd has just told me to go to bed as my dsis does not live in the real world. I may just do that.

Meadows76 Sat 15-Oct-16 23:04:36

TBH I have no idea what you are talking about. You may be offered better advice if you try to explain the situation.

janethegirl2 Sat 15-Oct-16 23:08:26

My dsis thinks our DM needs extra government care and thinks she needs to fill in a form to get this. She wants the local council to do this. This is for basic care i.e. washing and dressing. But it's in Scotland where basic care is meant to be free.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 15-Oct-16 23:13:18

I would just let your sister do what she thinks is right for your mother it sounds like she's trying to help

janethegirl2 Sat 15-Oct-16 23:18:12

I think that's exactly what I'll do myusername as I think it's a total waste of time. My DM gets more pension than my Ds earns who is supporting a dw and a baby so I'm a little bit surprised by the whole thing.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 15-Oct-16 23:30:46

Ok but care can be more expensive than you realise

Anyway it's all relative you can't begrudge her care because you are Jealous of her pension confused

Also if she isn't eligible the council won't help

janethegirl2 Sat 15-Oct-16 23:41:05

I am not jealous of her pension. How the fuck do you get that? I was just explaining how much money she gets and that she does not need more money.

HeddaGarbled Sat 15-Oct-16 23:47:30

OMG, your post is so garbled and lacking in proper information you don't really deserve proper responses.

However, in the interests of your mother and sister l'm going to give it a go.

Your mother needs care but she is refusing it. Is that right? Your sister either wants to fill in a form or wants the council to fill in a form. Not sure whether this is to ensure the care happens or to pay for the care. You disagree for reasons which are totally incomprehensible from your post.

Does your mother need professional care? Are you caring for her now? Is your sister?

Caring for elderly parents is hard hard hard. You two need to stop arguing and come up with solutions together.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 15-Oct-16 23:48:40

You compared it to your DS and his wife as if it was an issue for you. If she isn't entitled she won't get it. If she needs it she will.

your post doesn't really make a whole lot of sense anyway

Myusernameismyusername Sat 15-Oct-16 23:50:33

And surely regardless of your mothers wealth I think it's odd you have no concern over what is best for your mother, not how much money she will be entitled to (hence suspected jealousy)

Atenco Sun 16-Oct-16 02:32:57

Very unclear post, OP. But why would you not want your mother to have extra care if it is available and she is entitled to it?

LellyMcKelly Sun 16-Oct-16 03:53:35

Why wouldn't you fill in the form if it means your mum get the help she needs? It's just a form.

janethegirl2 Sun 16-Oct-16 21:07:29

I'm letting my dsis do what she thinks is right. I do not live in the same country as my DM and dsis. Personally I think DM has sufficient money to not need any further benefits. But I'm obviously being unreasonable by mumsnet standards!

HeddaGarbled Sun 16-Oct-16 21:40:17

Ah OK. So your sister is currently caring for your mum all by herself? Now she is trying to get some professional help but she is applying for government funding for this but you think this is morally wrong because your mum has enough money to pay for it herself. Is that what you are saying?

I think you are being rather unkind to your sister. She is bearing the brunt of care for your mum, trying to make the right decisions for her while you sit in your other country judging her from afar. Until you have done it, you have no idea how physically and emotionally draining caring for an elderly parent is.

Put aside your anger and find your compassion.

janethegirl2 Sun 16-Oct-16 21:45:02

No, my dsis is not caring for my DM. That is partly what is annoying me. She lives less than 2 hours from mum but I see her more often and I live around 8 hours away. I work, she doesn't, so it is really pissing me off.

If I wasn't employed, I'd be there looking after her. But as I have a job, I can't. My dsis 'could' look after her, if she chose to do so.

FlabulousChic Sun 16-Oct-16 22:04:46

Tell your sister the care is means tested simple

janethegirl2 Sun 16-Oct-16 22:18:22

Basic care in Scotland is not means tested.

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