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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He got in touch 😪

46 replies

User999966666 · 14/10/2016 09:08

So, the guy that used me for sex whilst having a gf all the while and put bedroom pics of them on social media to obviously hurt my feelings somewhat, texted out of the blue. I was so surprised to hear I text back. He said he couldn't stop thinking about me, obviously didn't want me to forget who he was. Apologies if this is jumbled, the full story is down on previous threads if you do a username search. I just feel so angry and upset that he's spoilt my equilibrium that took me so long to build up, and I really feel his gf should know. But I can't deal with any crap she may throw at me. I'm lost with it all and I don't know what to do any more.

OP posts:

Report

User999966666 · 14/10/2016 09:10

Oh, and to add I recently tried online dating.. To try and move On from it all, but it's not working out at this time, which I think is denting my confidence further

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 14/10/2016 09:13

What to do? Block his number and move along.

Sorry.

YvaineStormhold · 14/10/2016 09:14

Block, delete, move on.

The cheeky get.

User999966666 · 14/10/2016 09:14

So you wouldn't tell the gf ?

OP posts:

chewingawasp · 14/10/2016 09:14

Why didn't you block him on social media/text so he couldn't contact you?

ShowMeTheElf · 14/10/2016 09:15

Delete his number. Block him on facebook and anywhere else you had contact.
You've done brilliantly to move on. This is just a blip. Don't let him spoil your equilibrium. there are lots of threads on here about OLD which work or don't. It's a numbers game I think, so please don't be disheartened. You are worth more than being someone's bit on the side and you know that.
Good luck

AyeAmarok · 14/10/2016 09:16

No, don't tell the girlfriend. You're not doing it for the right reasons.

Just block, delete and put him firmly in the past.

User999966666 · 14/10/2016 09:16

He deleted Facebook not long after he did the whole loved up thing on there. Plus he blocked my phone number, so to me that was that ! He must have unblocked to text.

OP posts:

ShowMeTheElf · 14/10/2016 09:18

Don't let him make the decisions. You decide to block. You decide to ignore.
You don't have to let him make you feel this way.

Penfold007 · 14/10/2016 09:22

You got a lot of good advice along with a bit of a flaming on your previous thread. You seem fixated on revenge in the form of telling his gf. If that's what you want to then do it but be prepared for the backlash from him and her.
The sensible thing would have to a blocked him months ago, you could block and ignore now and keep your dignity.

User999966666 · 14/10/2016 09:25

Only because he walks away with out a scratch... If I was committed to a man I would want to know if he had played away and not been careful to boot.

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 14/10/2016 09:25

Why did you reply to him?

ocelot7 · 14/10/2016 09:25

Agree with Pen
Why are there so many threads at the moment wanting to stalk/punish gfs of ex partners?

User999966666 · 14/10/2016 09:26

Knee jerk reaction. Shock.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 14/10/2016 09:30

OP, and I mean this very gently, please, please, please you shouldn't be going near dating yet, online or otherwise. You are nowhere near enough in the right place. It's not fair on you. It's also not fair on a potential boyfriend (if you met one) because you simply aren't emotionally available yet.

Firstly, you need to block him. I don't actually understand why you didn't do this when everyone said you should on your previous thread. It's like you deliberately left the door open for him. A bit like self-harm.

Secondly, you need to let go the idea of telling the girlfriend. Whether the reasons are right or wrong morally, you need to let it go to be able to move on emotionally.

Thirdly, do not even think of going onto online dating sites or dating anyone for several months (I'd say, based on other threads, maybe even a year) and work on yourself and your own self esteem so that this time next year you are going to present your best, real self to potential dates and all this past won't come back to haunt you.

Fourthly, consider having some counselling. I think it might really benefit you.

mumofthemonsters808 · 14/10/2016 09:35

Do not react, time and time again, I give this advice and trust me it pays off.When dealing with these type of twats, no reaction, really is the best reaction.You've cocked up by replying to his message, you need to detach yourself and literally leave him to it. Forget online dating and work on yourself.

toptoe · 14/10/2016 09:41

He is a player and interested only in messing you around for control kicks. Get yourself informed about the player.

pipsqueak25 · 14/10/2016 09:46

be the better woman and keep your pride intact, block, block and block then block some more. don't respond to him, he's being a complete knob.
you will do so much better in the future, be kind to yourself.

toptoe · 14/10/2016 09:46

And your reaction is typical of someone caught up with a player.

It goes like this.

He dangles carrot, makes you feel awesome, gets you into bed superquick, makes you feel like you are both utterly suited and in love. Then as soon as the deed is done, nothing.

So you call him. He ignores you. You text. He's busy. He keeps you hanging, you begin to get desparate. Just when you are about to walk away, he calls you, comes round and does the whole shower with affection sex thing again.

Then nothing.

And so on and so on.

He gets his kicks from knowing you are at his beck and call. He also knows you'll do more and more for him each time you see him in the hope that he won't ignore you again.

He has no feelings for you. No empathy for you. He is doing it purely for self gratification. This is not your fault and you were not to know he was a weirdo. But you do now. Drop him like a tonne of bricks. He'll soon move on to another unsuspecting victim.

His poor gf. She's stuck with him. And his grim bedroom photo antics on social media. Poor woman.

TheNaze73 · 14/10/2016 09:48

Block him, he's a serial player & does not give two fucks about you. And why are you so intent on telling her? You're motives sound all wrong & you're creating all of your own drama.
Block him & move on.

AdoraBell · 14/10/2016 09:48

I reckon telling the gf will feed into his need for attention. You'll be the nutter ex who can't let him go, he'll be the poor injured party.

Block his number, block him on all social media and concentrate on you. Not you looking for another relationship, but you being you. Have you tried the Freedom programme that Women's Aid run?

WellErrr · 14/10/2016 09:48

Id tell the girlfriend and then block him. I think most people would, but it's not a popular answer on Mumsnet.

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CoolCarrie · 14/10/2016 09:50

Please don't get involved with him again, he is doing nothing for you just messing with your head. Delete him from your life, his gf isn't your problem, look after yourself first and foremost, he isn't worth the head space.
As pp says he is a player. You aren't the first, and you won't be the last person to be caught up in a relationship like this. You are worth more.

AdoraBell · 14/10/2016 09:50

Xpost with toptoe

Ifounddory · 14/10/2016 09:54

If you can contact the girlfriend via fb I would screenshot the texts and send them to her that says I don't want to be involved but thought you should know about this then block them both. Leave her to decide what she does with the information. Ignore him totally.

Flip

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