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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Why is he sex obsessed?

88 replies

DonnaD7 · 13/10/2016 22:12

Why are men so obsessed with sex? I just don't get it!
My husband is always making suggestive comments or jokes and lately has seemed to be trying it on most nights. I know it is become worse lately because I'm going away for a week and he wants sex before I leave but it's so annoying.
He just doesn't seem to get that I've got a lot to do to get ready and my mind is on other things, plus we've had sex fairly recently.
This time of year is also irritating because he keeps suggesting "sexy" Halloween costumes for me which he knows really aren't my thing. (I've not got the body for them for a start)
It's getting unbearable, to the point that I don't even want to shower when he is in the house because I know he'll make some comment about wanting to join me. (We did it once when we first got together and it was a disaster but he won't stop suggesting we do it again.)

Sorry all,
I just need a rant.

OP posts:

Report

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 13/10/2016 22:14

Ok, first off- not all men are obsessed with sex. Actually the majority aren't.

Your husband just sounds a bit OTT. Like he doesn't have good boundaries at all. Why are you with him? From the sounds of things he does not respect your space.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/10/2016 22:16

Urghhh, don't lump 'men' together with your sex pest! Not all men are like him.

He sounds awful, does he have any redeeming qualities?

cottencandy55 · 13/10/2016 22:22

It's not a man thing I'm obsessed with it more so than my partner and I'm female .

Happybunny19 · 13/10/2016 22:24

I agree with the two comments above, they're not all like that. You sound so irritated by your day though op, do you think you may have gone off him? Although he does sound too full on, I actually felt a bit sorry for him. Can you imagine how devastating it would be to discover your oh feels like that about you (shudders)😞

NoCapes · 13/10/2016 22:24

Yes all men are obsessed with sex
All of them
And all women are obsessed with cleaning

Happybunny19 · 13/10/2016 22:25

Your oh that should say

AnyFucker · 13/10/2016 22:27

Not all men are sex pests like him

Get shut of him. You don't have to put up with it.

DonnaD7 · 13/10/2016 22:28

I'm sorry for generalising. Obviously all men are not like this but I was referring to the men who are and didn't realise I would need to state that.

He's fine otherwise it's just when it comes to sex he's so needy.

OP posts:

madgingermunchkin · 13/10/2016 22:33

I'm a woman, and I'm like that. It's not just a man thing.

NoCapes · 13/10/2016 22:37

Is he needy? Or are you dismissive and cold?
I agree with happybunny I felt a bit sorry for your DH reading your OP, you sound like sex is a chore, do you not enjoy it? Do you still fancy him?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/10/2016 22:40

Dismissive and cold? The OP can't have a shower in peace!

TiggyD · 13/10/2016 22:43

Blimey. Is sex still popular? Some couples are a bit mismatched libido wise. It's not always men who are always up for it.

Have you had a sit down serious chat with him about it yet?

DeleteOrDecay · 13/10/2016 22:45

It sounds like it's getting too much for you, I think I would feel the same if I was receiving suggestive comments at every turn when I'm just trying to go about every day things such as taking a shower! Sometimes when it comes to suggesting sex less is more and he definitely needs to tone it down.

Does he know how his constant badgering you about it is making you feel? I can totally see how his badgering would be a massive turn off.

NoCapes · 13/10/2016 22:46

Obviously he sounds OTT, but is it because he gets nothing from the OP whatsoever?
I'm only asking
I got the impression that the OP is a big huffy and eye rolly at the mere suggestion of sex
Just how I read it

PaperdollCartoon · 13/10/2016 22:51

Hmm. No, not all men are like this. I have a much higher sex drive than my DP, he can generally take it or leave it which I do find difficult.

He is being a bit of a sex pest, but knowing how I've felt at times could it be that he's feeling rejected and doesn't know how to entice you, so is being over the top instead. It's not a helpful tactic but it's one I know I've slipped into in the past, I felt like nothing I did was right and he was just never interested, and it was hurtful. It took a long time to understand it wasn't about me or him not wanting me.

Have you tried sitting him down and talking honestly about how he's making you feel? About the fact your libidos are mismatched and how you can find it way to compromise where you both feel happy and valued?

PaperdollCartoon · 13/10/2016 22:52

You said you've had sex 'fairly recently'. How recently is that? How often is it? Is it the first time in ages?

HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime · 13/10/2016 23:00

It's how we all got here

DonnaD7 · 13/10/2016 23:14

Thanks for your comments PaperdollCartoon. It's interesting to hear from someone on the other side of things.

I think it's been maybe 2 weeks or so since we had sex. We usually have sex once a month, maybe.
We've talked about our differing sex drives before and he's asked me what he can do to spark my interests more but there's really not. I'm just not all that interested.
I enjoy sex when we're doing it but the idea of it, with anybody, doesn't really do much for me.

It's funny NoCapes should mention huffy as that's exactly how I was going to describe how my husband if his pestering doesn't work.

OP posts:

timelytess · 13/10/2016 23:23

My mother had a principle that day 3 was the day for sex - that is, two days/nights without were enough. You might like to try it, perhaps it would stop him 'pestering'.

I'm not married or partnered. If I were, I'd think once a month for sex was rubbish and I'd be kicking that reluctant partner out of the house.

PickAChew · 13/10/2016 23:28

timelytess no, just no. No person should have to have sex they don't want, every third day, just to stop their partners from being a pest. It should be up to the partner to stop acting like Benny fucking Hill and show more respect for them as a person. People are not dying all over the world from not having an orgasm every few days. Sex is not the right and necessity that that so many people make it out to be.

DeleteOrDecay · 13/10/2016 23:33

What Pick said.

I'd be willing to bet that his constant pestering isn't doing anything for op's libido and that maybe if he toned it down she might find herself feeling less under pressure and more likely to be in the mood more often.

Pestering is often a massive turn off.

BeMorePanda · 13/10/2016 23:35

I had a BF who was like this years ago. It's a massive turn off isn't it? It was the reason I ended the relationship.

Sorry your P is a sex pest op

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BeMorePanda · 13/10/2016 23:39

How is the physical affection without any expectation of sex between you?

SpookyPotato · 13/10/2016 23:41

timelytess Seriously!?

PaperdollCartoon · 13/10/2016 23:46

No problem Donna that's kind of where we are. Last couple of years we were averaging once every 2 months or so. Once he's done it once that keeps him going for ages, whereas for me once makes me want to do it more, which he didn't. It was a difficult (to say the least) clash, and neither of us took it well. It almost become easier to just avoid the whole thing. I'm sure he felt like I was being a sex pest at times.

We're only in our late twenties so medical reasons, DP has no issue getting it up he's just not that bothered. It lead to a lot of resentment on both our parts, but we've learnt to communicate better, and actually once we start he does enjoy it, he just will very rarely initiate it. But we're working toward something mutually acceptable. I guess my point is, can you? Both?

I wondered for a long time if I could accept our different needs and I've ultimately decided I can, but you both need to decide this yourselves, or neither of you will be happy, and resentment once it burrows in is hard to let go of.

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