Friendship/Partner issues

[user1476357270]

Hi all,

Would love some advice!

I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of years and one friend has never got on with him. They have only met a handful of times but when they have she has barely spoken to him. She acts as though he doesn't exist and when we meet up she won't ask about the relationship/anything to do with him.

I now feel like our friendship is forced. It's hard to leave such a large part of my life at home when we meet up and I feel resentful and as though I am being judged for choices I've made. I've asked my friend before what the problem is and she said that he doesn't make enough effort with her (which I found strange as she made no effort with him at all when they met).

I almost feel obliged to remain friends because 'we go way back' but truth be told I no longer enjoy our friendship, although she is always keen to meet up - so it makes no sense really.

Any thoughts would be appreciated :)

[Happybunny19]

Sounds to me like your friend is jealous. Do you think it's because she fancies him or doesn't like you spending all your time with him, not her? Either way she's totally out of order and you should tell her to behave or stay away.

[redexpat]

Has he tried it on with her?

Does she know something about him that you dont?

There might just be something about him that she doesnt like, but equally can't articulate.

She obviously wants to be your friend even though she doesnt like him. It's a bit tricky really.

[Saltfish]

I'm on board with red...there may be a very good reason why she doesn't like him. I've had two of my friends boyfriends come on to me. Of course I could say nothing as I would've been the bad guy! It was very difficult to pretend to like them.
Friends can also see things we can't in relationships and tbh all my friends who didn't like previous exes had very good reason. Hindsight is always 20/20.

[ShatnersWig]

There will almost certainly be a reason behind this. Usually one of the following:

a) jealous that she hardly sees you any more because you spend all your time with him
b) he has tried it on with her and she is caught between whether to say something or not
c) he has said something in her hearing or done something she's seen that makes her distrust him (and usually it'll be more than one thing)
d) you have said things in the past that make him seem like he doesn't treat you well
e) seen changes in you, not for the better, because of how he treats you and knows this guy isn't right for you

I'm dealing with e) with a friend right now. He's either a player, a controller or an abuser. It's early days, but we're seeing her personality change from being bubbly and cheerful to doormat and unhappy.

[BombayBonsai]

I guess I'm kind of in the position of the friend in this scenario at the moment although I am also the one drawing right back from the friendship.

I have very good reason to not like her boyfriend and I really struggle to make small talk with him when I have had to be in his company previously.

There are other issues within that friendship that I just can't be bothered with these days hence the drawing back. I don't see an issue with having friends who don't socialise with you as a couple though so if this is the only problem I don't see why you can't just continue and not have them together? In this world there are certain people who just won't ever be bosom buddies, doesn't need to spell the end of your friendship though.